Third (and final) thread - C nonsense

[JaysusWept]

Unbelievable that this is the 3rd thread and still nothing has been resolved.
I wasn’t going to start this one but if anything good comes out of this shite it will be a Glasgow/Scotland MN meet up!

I know folk laugh at all the ‘DAILY MAIL MAY NOT USE THIS’ stuff, but here’s me giving the scummy DM permission to use this 👋

Well that’s no surprise re the FB pic.

I wouldn't say she's involved the DD just yet.

She invited the other letter friends and their kids for a sleepover.

A sleepover where she wanted to discuss OPs apparent hussy ness.

It would have been weird (even amongst this group!) to have invited her DD.

Plus - do people really think it would have been a good environment for her DD to be in?

DD can make other friends. Attending events (fetes, village activities, church events, local pub events) she can go off and meet new kids. They are often less wary than adults about approaching new people. Eventually she'll hang out with the same kids a number of time and this will spill into school.

When this happened to me one of the K L M people realised they were being told one thing and me another. Relationship never been the same but eventually we worked out how we'd come to fall out and how our C did it.
Our C is now a social flitter- no social group and moves from person to person repeating the behaviour.

Re pp of course she hasn’t done anything to deserve it. She’s done nothing wrong and look what C has done. Give her reason to retaliate and it could be much worse.

Sleepovers stop at C’s house, I’m sure the op can mitigate against just that.

That’s a really positive post youarenotkiddingme.

Out of interest how did you deal with the C, would you take the grey rock approach or trying to clear your name ? Or emailing the rest of the parents in the class?

A long long time ago someone started a similar rumour about me, no proof, out of the blue, absolutely categorically untrue; and all of my friends bar one chose to behave as if they believed it, though it was so obviously not the truth. It hurt a Hell of a lot but after a while I just disengaged from it and them completely. No loss to me at all, why would I want to be friends with people who could think and behave so badly of and toward me? Fuck them all, stop even giving them headspace. Get off the app, nod in the playground at them if you must, and don't engage in conversation. Fuck. Them.

Jaysus PP who have been through this have also suggested that you come off social media / hide these toxic peoples posts.

So with all due respect why are you chewing over and reading into some blokes profile picture? This will always hurt you.

Spend your time instead getting your logistics in order and your DD ready for if and when this plays out slowly and painfully by stealth in the playground and around school play dates.

It really is bizarre behaviour. Why would he change his profile pic if he had been kicked out, for C to then Love it.

I am on the fence between keeping quiet and not feeding the fire and defending your honour.

I grey rocked her.

I knew the truth. I knew no amount of trying to get others who didn't automatically have enough faith in me to see it was going to work.

I found it helped to feel sorry for her. To realise how boring and mundane her life must be to create these dramas.
So I spent time ensuring I didn't allow myself to become so boring and mundane I slipped into the same trap!

Distancing myself has meant I've ended up with a wider circle of friends eventually. I had no idea how much people liked and respected me until then. It's amazing how many people will not give you the of day because of who you are associating with - and how many people had already seen what you are now seeing.

I'd send something like the following to the class WhatsApp or email:

It has come to my attention that some unpleasant rumours involving me have been circulated around school in recent weeks.

These rumours are categorically and entirely untrue and have now descended into slander, which is a legally actionable offence.

This sustained harassment by grown adults is both ridiculous and immature and reflects very poorly on everyone involved in such bullying behaviour.

I would very much appreciate your support in bringing this absurd gossip to an end as swiftly as possible.

Yours etc...

We are pretty much agreed that dd is the priority now.

Lots of new play dates, plenty of
after school sleepovers and clubs.
New friends, old friends. Keep her busy. Extend the social network.

The biggest problem will be the other children/ her former friends (c’s dd etc) leaving her out unknowingly or on purpose depending on how C presents the situation. I can’t imagine C playing nice, better to prepare for the worst and be happily surprised.

Have you made plans already for dd Jaysus? Does she have other friends in her class?

Perfectly worded bee I would send that message. Set the record straight without confrontation.

I wouldn't send bee message. You 6 know what's gone on and maybe a few others.

Imagine sending that and having 20 people who are completely unaware of the situation becoming involved.

That's 20 possible friends for the OP and her DD. And 20 possible friends who will run a smile if they know you engage in this sort of drama.

Just walk away - head held high - safe in the knowledge you have done nothing wrong.

Those 20 people will hear about this guaranteed by the end of the week.

Those 20 people may believe the lies, and distance themselves from the kind of woman that chases the married husbands of their close friends. I know I wouldn’t want to be mates with someone like that.

Those 20 people may feel there is no smoke without fire, and support C.

If given the heads up those 20 may believe op, at least give her side a fair hearing. Who is going to stand up for op at the gates??
All of her so called mates have sided with c.

We already know that at least one person outside the 6 is already aware. The gossipy one who approached the OPs exH.

If one other person knows, practically everyone already knows. Definitely.

If the 20 people were going to get dragged in they would have done 2 weeks ago when it started.

Manipulative bullies like this are sly and clever. They won't involve a whole host of people who aren't part of their friendship group for fear one of them will easily expose the holes in the story and their friends will believe it.
They only inform and involve those they can garuntee they have a hold over and who back them up whatever.

No it would not have been two weeks ago because no one knew about it then. This all happened a few days ago.
Next week every single parent that is involved in the school on a regular basis will know about this.

The answer is not to pretend it isn’t happening, and hope it is contained.
In op’s words the gossip parent has already found out, and confronted ex. How long do you think it will take her to tell everyone?

C will want as much sympathy for her cause as possible is my bet.

I would put the whole 3 threads on the class FB page. If you don't have one make one .

I understood C sent the text on the 12th September? Clearly before then she had random weird thoughts the OP was flirting with her DH. Yet the only one she involved was L. Then the others in the group.

I'm not familiar with class email/WA. We never had it when ds was in primary.

But I stand by my advice that C wants attention. But she also wants to be the hero and the good guy. She will not risk coming out of this badly.

And I don't think the OP doing the leg work here to save face is the best course of action from my personal experience.

My C use to say "ask x what she thinks then". So I would. I'd be the one to drag x in. My C would then be the one to manipulate X by asking x what I said and twisting it. She never did the lev work outside of the already involved immediate group.

It's obviously OP decision what she does though. I can only give advice based on what I've seen and experienced.

Has anyone else wondered if the first ‘accidental’ text wasn’t actually accidental at all?

By keeping quiet/greyrock C is free to carry on spreading malicious lies and alienating you.

You confront her and risk her framing you for harassment.

You expose the truth in a well worded message along the line that bee mentioned, this will compromise her lies, make people question her integrity and give you the best chance to come out of this intact.

Damage limitation is all you can do now.

Just wanted to say I went through similar with a bonkers girl at my work... she thought I was flirting with her ex (who also worked with us) and went utterly batshit, abusive threatening texts, trying to turn people against me etc. I ‘took the high road’ but it was hard and I had to have CBT to get through it!

Obviously she couldn’t contain her crazy and lashed out at a load of other people at work for ‘flirting’ with him, despite the fact that no one was interested and were just chatting to him in company at work nights out - so slowly more and more people started to see her for what she is. She also had a massive horrible go at a mutual friend over a differing (and similarly entirely invented) issue and terminated that friendship. So that was a fun night in the pub hearing all about that!

Eventually her ex DID actually get together with another much more attractive girl at work, and after calling her a ‘slut who can’t even speak english’ she basically exploded with jealousy and left under such a cloud she can never come back! 🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉

So essentially, although it’s very hard, I would try to calmly rise above it, withdraw a little, find other friends, and wait for her to self-detonate. People like that can’t help themselves.

and

The kind of people who are nasty to others off the back of gossip and rumours are the kind of people you don't want anywhere near you anyway. If anything, this situation may help you filter them out.

I can't believe all the people on this thread talking about "clearing your name" and "silence being taken as an admission of guilt". That's nonsense. I think it says more about them that they'd believe and act upon spiteful gossip.

This isn't a criminal trial, it's manipulative people playing power games for a high.

The least bad outcome is to stop providing them with additional opportunities to try and feel powerful over you. If you start trying to "clear your name" they will take that as an invitation to pursue another "win" over you. Anyone who thinks they would let you do that without further challenge is exceedingly naive.

There is a lot of injustice in the world when it comes to other people, and much of it cannot be overturned. Sometimes the best we have is to hold onto the fact that we know the truth and nothing anybody else says or does changes that truth. It's shit and unfair, but at least nobody can take the truth away from you.

Btw I’m not saying say nothing at all - when people asked why I wasn’t friends with girl at work any more I would just say ‘she sent me a load of abusive messages’. THE END. But generally I tried to keep calm and carry on and now I never ever have to see her again!

OP please stop engaging with these bitches. Every time you answer the phone to them or reply to their messages and show that you're upset/angry/frustrated you're just fuelling their sick enjoyment at the situation. C especially will probably be thrilled that she's affecting you.

Leave the group, unfollow on Facebook, don't bring up the subject unless somebody else does first. Move on.