Third (and final) thread - C nonsense

[JaysusWept]

Unbelievable that this is the 3rd thread and still nothing has been resolved.
I wasn’t going to start this one but if anything good comes out of this shite it will be a Glasgow/Scotland MN meet up!

I know folk laugh at all the ‘DAILY MAIL MAY NOT USE THIS’ stuff, but here’s me giving the scummy DM permission to use this 👋

I wouldn't put it past her to mock up and 'recover' the messages you supposedly sent her OH and show everyone. Is she tech competent enough to do that?

I agree with grass too. This isn't the end of it. I think you've behaved with great dignity but C continues to escalate the situation and I believe she'll continue to ramp it up. It's already impacting your DD as she's been excluded from a sleepover she'd usually be included in.

C will be wanting you to fall out with MKD and not speaking with them or H. Her lies would then be protected.

Stay cordial and open. Repeat calmly and briefly you sent no messages and have no idea what is going on. Do this on the WA and verbally at school gates. Arrange play dates for dd.

The whole year will know about it anyway!! This is an absolute given. It is far better for op to get the truth out there directly need the last thing she needs is to add layers of further confusion and he said, she did.

No the truth in full, with evidence is the only option left, short of calling in the lawyers.

I really don't know @Thegrasscouldbegreeener, what if someone reads these threads with a vested interest and says 'two sides to every story' and how the OP is horrible whipping everyone up to call C a cunt (using her real name too?)

I'm not entirely sure that providing it so readily will actually diffuse things.

Sorry that so many others have had experiences of C’s. I honestly wouldn’t have believed grown women could behave like this if I weren’t experiencing it directly.
Advice seems split between saying something to her and keeping silent 😅

The advice is split directly because some of us have been through it or seen in close up with this type of character and toxic dynamic and know that normal rules don’t apply and even worse escalate and backfire spectacularly so advise to stay silent. These PP have shared their stories on here and are consistent in their advice to step away. May have predicted exactly what would happen next.

Others who are suggesting to do x, y, z, are applying standard rational approaches to standard rational situations. They have said what they “would do” hypothetically.

I haven’t seen any RL stories on this thread where anyone has said - yes this exact group dysfunctional toxic situation happened to me and it was all closed down neatly and swiftly and we are all best friends again by doing x, y, z.

Any reasonable person/ parent will be absolutely horrified at your treatment. Horrified.

I’m sorry to say it but no, they won’t. It would be playing straight into C’s hands. I’m trying to imagine my own response were such a message to land in my school WA group. It’s likely to be a complete lack of patience - with any of it.

At best, other parents simply won’t care. They are busy living their own lives and don’t have time for playground politics, not unless they also thrive on drama. At worst - and this would be my stance - If they’re not remotely interested in drama or gossip then they won’t take too kindly to anyone who tries to involve them in it. And no, it doesn’t matter one iota who is and isn’t in the ‘right’.

If this attitude makes me an unreasonable parent, so be it. But Id be willing to stake a heavy bet that it would be pretty much a stock response. For my part I truly don’t give a monkey’s cuss who among the parent body is fucking who. And I’m not interested in passing judgment on their morals, even if they were.

None of anyone else’s business. As the OP mentioned earlier, not my circus ...

Op this isn’t just about you.
All the kids will be talking about dd’s mother, it may be very hard and hurtful for dd to have to endure the lies that will be told not just by the adults, it is likely to filter down to the children.

I could not, and would not allow this to happen to dd.

She will be so confused and upset.

You get the truth out there, you may find other parents stepping into stop this. You may find support amongst them, at the very least you will have got your (uncorrupted) side of the story out there.

It’s going to get very rough op. I am not trying to worry you but I have dealt with the C type, we must not underestimate her now.

The friendship horse has bolted. It's time to do damage limitation with the rest of the parents.

You cannot stop C. There's no point in engaging with her in any way.

You may be able to stop/reduce the gossip among others. They are the audience to care about.

Whether or not you proactively include the gossipmonger in this, I agree with ChristmasFluff:
'I'm sure you've heard their lies, and if you haven't then I'm not telling you - I've cut them out of my life as I'm sick of their drama'. If anyone outside of their group comes up asking you if what they say is true, just laugh (I mean it, LAUGH) and say 'you know what? Consider the source.' This casts shade on whoever told them the lie without you saying anything. If they persist, say 'it's lies, because C is a liar'.

This isn't silence! It's a rapid turnaround, gets across your point about lies, turns the focus back onto C & co, then disengages.

Maybe have another, unrelated topic at hand to move the conversation onto. "So the council are changing bin day again. How annoying..."

And that is you Marie you may not be interested in school politics but there will be others that will judge op on the back of these lies, and these are exactly the ones she needs to care about. If everyone was like you Marie op wouldn’t have a problem at all would she!
Sadly shit sticks, and people will not know the truth, the rumours will continue and it will become very very difficult.

I wouldn't put it past her to mock up and 'recover' the messages you supposedly sent her OH and show everyone.

I absolutely believe she will do this if there is any more focus on the messages.

There's really no point in entertaining any details of the batshittery.

If I read something like this on someone's post who wasn't normally a drama queen then I would probably feel sorry for them and be likely to believe their story.

I agree with Inishoo that the advice from people who have been in similar situations is the best advice - and that’s the advice to disengage completely. I can see how it makes sense to defend yourself or confront C, and if C were a rational person it absolutely would make sense. But her lying is extreme and she’s not rational. She will thrive on any contact and use it to prolong the situation. This kind of behaviour has a pattern and so far she’s following the pattern pretty closely. It might make you wonder why she picked on you, and the answer is: no reason. You just happened to be there.

but there will be others that will judge op on the back of these lies, and these are exactly the ones she needs to care about.

Nope. Because those that care don’t matter and those that matter won’t care.

lovey so would I. If I received a heartfelt message that informed of an issue, particularly from someone reasonable I would believe it too.

Not only that, but I am sure the other parents will

A) possibly (and almost certainly by the end of the week) heard the rumours anyway

b) are aware that C is a queen bee drama type and will not be especially surprised this has happened.

What have you got to lose??

You let her spread her lies, and the school knows anyway

You get there first with the truth, and you have at least a fighting chance.

You are fucked otherwise.

irish I don’t agree, they all matter because the last thing op needs is more and more people turn against her. This may not matter to you, but being shunned by absolutely everyone at the school gate on the back of some lies is an horrendous experience. School plays, school fairs, no play dates. I am not sure you have thought through the consequences of not caring about other parents.

Just read all 3 threads. I'll be honest just the OP posts but

Sorry you've come across the 30yo mean girls. I wouldn't have believed they existed if I haven't come across them myself.

I have a theory about them though.

Jealousy. You mention numerous times they have it all - happy marriage, big house, new cars etc. But that isn't about what a happy life is.

What you have is strength and a self respect they wish they had.
You had the strength to kick out your cheating ex. Hold your head high. Continue working. Budget and earn everything you have.

You don't need to create drama or gossip and bitch.

Then then think you may be fair game for attack because of this.

When you then stand firm and show you won't engage and back away that jealousy rears it's head again.

How dare you not need them?!

I agree with using cease and desist letter template.

They have no evidence of FB messages and therefore it's defamation/slander. I get confused with which one. They also know how to retrieve messages so they have no get out clause there.

A friend of mine use to throw her toys out of the pram. I wouldn't respond.
She'd then eventually send the apology (but justifying her behaviour) text.

I'd respond if you really feel that way why would you want to be friends? She'd eventually apologise and start asking to meet up. I with drew and although in contact through text and phone haven't seen her since Xmas.
It's hurting her more than me.

You being aloof will hurt M K and D more than you in the long run. Someone like you will have people wanting to be friends. Meanwhile they'll be stuck in their group of 5 - and the other 4 will always be wondering if their next.

grass is sot in. Send out a msg and be clear about the facts. As far as I can see you your backed into a corner.
I’d definitely believe a msg like that over an ugly rumour, and I’d make a mental note to not get involved (and ask op for a coffee) because in our school we’re supportive. I’ve had blanket msgs about parents impending divorces, cancer and a death before . It’s not unusual if it involves the dc or is a school issue.

Spot

Something like this happened to me in my early 20s and although not as bad but a group of good friends, well I thought they were, I would be quite outgoing, but also a bit of a joker, I never minded ripping the piss out of myself, wasn't worried about how I looked if it meant having a laugh I was all up for it, one friends boyfriend thought I was hilarious, I thought of him as my friends bf and nothing else, I didn't try to be flirty, if anything I thought I would actually put men off, such was my humour and blatent refusal to be ladylike and feminine. Bare in mind I wasn't vulgar or crass.

Friends dp must have told friend he thought I was funny, I never found him to be anything other than friendly.

She took offence to this, and made my life hell for 3 years, I didn't find out until 3 yrs into a campaign to seriously hurt me. Would pretend to be my friend whilst giving me wrong advice, telling me outfits were lovely on me when they were hideous, leaving me out of planned events and essentially gaslighting me for 3 years, it is the worst thing anyone can do to another person. I had no idea , and I would have walked over water for this girl.

They eventually broke up and I had a chat with another friend who told me all about what was going on, they didn't realise the extent of it and I don't think any of us really did until we spoke about it. Met her ex dp out about a year after they broke up and he warned me to stay away from here that she had it in for me and he wasn't so much as allowed to smile or laugh at anything I said whilst in their company after she had a word with hi,m.

Such a pity as he genuinely just thought I was a mate and found me funny.

People can be sor cruel

If the aim now is to limit the damage the email message is a gd idea.
It gives other parents the chance to make their own minds up, and they may not care. In that case they’ll just press delete anyhow.
If you are going to stay at the same school as c you are going to need new friends, and that will be hard to achieve if the lies are not refuted.
You might win a sympathy vote too from unexpected friends to be. It’s worth a go, or the a defamation of character letter.

I would be going round there and having a strong word with both C and her husband if I were you. Turn up and bang on the door, what can they do? Who knows what C has told her husband and he has a part to play in this too.

code They will use that against op and frame her for harassment. No way should you go over there, you will play directly into her hands.

Ending her marriage because she's been called out on a bitchy text? What a nutjob.

Cease and desist letter ASAP, hold your head up high O/P and don't give them the time of day ever again. They've all shown their true colours and don't deserve your friendship. Honestly I despair of women sometimes (them, not you).