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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Third (and final) thread - C nonsense

999 replies

JaysusWept · 21/09/2019 21:59

Unbelievable that this is the 3rd thread and still nothing has been resolved.
I wasn’t going to start this one but if anything good comes out of this shite it will be a Glasgow/Scotland MN meet up!

I know folk laugh at all the ‘DAILY MAIL MAY NOT USE THIS’ stuff, but here’s me giving the scummy DM permission to use this 👋

OP posts:
Thread gallery
10
AryaStarkWolf · 24/09/2019 12:03

good luck today Jaysus

Wilmalovescake · 24/09/2019 12:06

OP I posted on one of your earlier threads.
I’m currently going through something similarly excruciating though mine isn’t based at the school gates. I just wanted to say that I think you’re been amazing. Hang in there x

SchadenfreudePersonified · 24/09/2019 12:10

TheRobinIsBobbingAlong

Thank you - that's certainly helped me.

Grin
theoriginalmadambee · 24/09/2019 13:07

@TheRobinIsBobbingAlong
Best piece of advice Grin.

Destinesia · 24/09/2019 13:47

When you are on the school run, they will be expecting you to scurry in with your head down, avoiding eye contact. Don't, you're likely to be doing the school run for another year at least.

You're getting so much conflicting advice, and you have to do what works best for your daughter and you. My suggestion is that when you pass them, you acknowledge them with a single word "morning/alright" (said without stopping) etc and greet their child with a warmer "Hi M's DD" etc. I found it much less stressful than seeing them and having to pretend check my phone/tie shoelace/look for something in my bag etc. The children will be looking to the adults as how to behave with each other. If you're blanking C,D et al then it will make the situation confusing for your daughter when she's with you, eg is she supposed to blank them too when the parents are around? but it's ok to talk to them in school?

I have been in a similar situation and I found that having a song in my head as I walked into school helped (for me it was "This is me" or "Feeling good"). Along with headphones, carrying a travel coffee cup gave me something to do with my hands when feeling self-conscious.

Willow2017 · 24/09/2019 13:57

Have you sent the threads to the head teacher and form tutor? I think that would help offer some context.

Wtaf?
Context of what exactly?
Why would either the head or form teacher be interested in something that has absolutely nothing to do with them? Trawl through 1600 posts? They would think.op was crackers to expect them to do that.
What a bizzare suggestion!

If dd does suffer because of her friend at school then op just needs to give them the bare bones of the fall out not a blow by blow account. They certainly won't be interested in a thread on here. School will deal with what goes on in school only. Not some adults being totally immature bitches.

scissorsandpen · 24/09/2019 14:56

Sound advice there from @Destinesia

I too have been in a similar situation in terms of a group turning on me and the children were friends. Also your area and the main CF was also 'C' . Hopefully not the same person. :-)

Although at the time my overiding instinct was to go bitch slap them lol

Rockingaround · 24/09/2019 15:01

Hey Op, I have just read the whole thread(s) I have been utterly gobsmacked at the whole sorry tale. I honestly don’t understand what C is telling people. Her husband is also a spineless twat, he has the absolute capacity to clear your name and remove you from their sordid pathetic relationship and yet he bows down and goes along with it, what a guy!

As a pp said, the whole scenario smacks of C having NPD. I also agree with the pp that said they all enjoyed rescuing you when your marriage broke down. It’s not an equal friendship based on trust, love and respect - meaning that I honestly feel you’ve lost nothing by not being part of their “clique”.

I would have my head held so so high, I wouldn’t turn up late with headphones, I wouldn’t be breezy - I’d join the PTA and get involved in all aspects of school-life, I’d make my myself “open” and approachable to other mums.

Because, this way people will definitely ask you what’s gone on and I would have a one line blanket statement for all
“Oh yes, C thinks I’ve been fucking her husband” and then laugh. Look at the shock on their faces and respond with “haha I know right!, have you seen the state of him”

I would smile at K,L and D and say “Hiiii” as I breeze on by, look down on those little Gretchen Weaner sheep, pity them openly and stare at them - do not put your head down, do not look away - hold your head up high.

And, bide your time - this will eventually all come out. At the moment C looks like a complete doormat, her husband is back there right? Her fake, unstable world will come crashing down.

Flossdancing · 24/09/2019 15:21

^^ love it @rockingaround!
Hope it all went well at pick up time Flowers

justfortoday4367 · 24/09/2019 15:26

Hope school run went ok xxx

DNo · 24/09/2019 15:35

I really hope all went well today. I have just read all 3 posts and am astounded at these "friend's" behaviour!

Head up high, nice and breezy "hello" and to hell with them when they come running after they are on the receiving end of this disgusting behaviour.

nailsathome · 24/09/2019 16:12

I hope everything went ok on the school run.

stanski · 24/09/2019 16:12

Hope all went ok today Op xx

2girlsandagap · 24/09/2019 16:22

Does anyone else think a vicious rumour about L or M having a three way fling with C AND her husband would be just lovely and well deserved?

BreastedBoobilyToTheStairs · 24/09/2019 16:24

Look at the shock on their faces and respond with “haha I know right!, have you seen the state of him”

Goodness me don't say something like that. It's unnecessarily bitchy, would completely undermine your grey-rock-induced cool facade, and suggests that you actually would if he was better looking!

You've done incredibly well maintaining your dignity in the face of some truly vile behaviour Op. If you haven't been through something like this it's difficult to understand the toll it can take on your mental health, particularly when your 'friends' turn and leave too.

The 'pick me' dance has no place in any relationship, including friendships. Stay strong Thanks I hope it blows over soon.

historysock · 24/09/2019 16:28

Hope the school run went ok. It's awful having to do it when you suspect half the people are gossiping about you and the other half soon will be. If it's any consolation when I was the subject of gossip far less people were aware than I imagined were.
I'm so angry on your behalf.
Hold your head high, you are worth ten of that bunch of basic bitches.

OhBigHairyBollocks · 24/09/2019 17:04

Hope the schoolrun was OK OP.

ktp100 · 24/09/2019 17:32

Hope the school run was ok OP.x.

OffspringSeason8 · 24/09/2019 17:43

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bpirockin · 24/09/2019 17:54

Having finally made it through all three threads, I am truly astounded at how things progressed. I did think at first to give the others the benefit of the doubt and that they might have challenged at first but then backed down to the Queen C, being small-minded lemmings who don't have enough about them and so feel the need to sit on her tail. That may still be the case, but it's gone too far. They are all toxic and you are doing the right thing to back away from it completely.

As the only single one, you were always more likely to be a 'target'. No matter how happy you are with your life, you're the 'odd one out' at dinner parties etc, as well as the most interesting one.

Some people just love drama, many don't trust or share with those who don't participate in gossip, and this is probably another reason why you are out of the loop.

What I feel most sad about, other than the potential for this to impact on your daughter, is that you are so worried about what people are saying / believing / repeating. Hold your head high, you know the truth, as do some of the witches. Keep contact with them to the bare necessities, and get on with your life and make better friendships elsewhere. School gates are notorious for toxic situations.
Chances are that once their daughters move on, the lemmings will find a different tail to ride on.

I know it's hard to accept right now, but they really were never worthy of your friendship. Others will see that, and see them for what they are in time. You tried to handle it in a respectful way, you gave it your best shot. I hope you feel better about things soon.

MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 24/09/2019 18:41

Hope you’re ok OPFlowers

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 24/09/2019 18:52

OMG.... its taken me ages to RT3FTs...and get to the end to respond!
Carolying I calls her!!

Just wanted to say @JaysusWept that I think you have navigated this unjustified shitstorm with grace and dignity.
I'm heartened that you have so many people supporting you through this with encouraging messages.
Its very satisfying to dream of confronting people, but I believe you have already stood up to them and as a pp said JADE! I think your decision to go grey rock is the best thing to do in a no win situation. Starve them of the Oxygen of your attention. I also think that pps advice NOT to get your Ex and her DH in conversation is a very good one. You have no control over what either might decide to say.

K is continually feeding you info to get a reaction.. and when she couldn't she removed you from WhatsApp Group to get another reaction. Carolying is absolutely dying for a reaction from you so that she can spin it..
so its great that yu are carrying on as normal and grey rock will keep things normal for your DD too. Imagine having a playground confrontation in front of the kids. It worked for me and made the school pick ups bearable.
I know this is a miserable time and its not easy but keep your chin up.. it will soon be as many have said "Yesterday's news" particularly if you don't provide any more ammo to the Wolf and her flock of sheep.
You often said in the early thread "why me". I don't think you did anything in particular, apart from join her group.
You are clearly a lovely person, and independent minded and perhaps the others are just more malleable. She got used to lording it over you and acting as the ministering angel, but as you got back on your feet and got on with your life, she had less influence over you and being insecure (and evil) started all this nonsense. It wouldn't surprise me if none of them expected this to escalate so quickly and take such a turn. But Carolying is rapidly finding out that "Oh what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to decieve." and she's had to keep on spinning away... even dragging her DH through the mud to do so. As for the other mums, who cares what they think. Stand up for yourself if any of them comment on it and say that you are bored with all the drama creating lies and wont engage with it any more. All they will see is a close knit clique picking on someone. That's not a good look and most sensible people will quickly see through it. Carolying has probably done similar before and will do this again. They probably think she's stuck up for not including them in her clique.
Keep busy, keep your head held high and find plenty of other nice things for both you and your daughter to do, I'm so glad to hear that she is happily getting on with things at school. Best of luck on the school runs and I hope you find lots of support from your RL family and new friends. This will die down and you will get through it, hopefully with nicer people around you and grateful for a lucky escape. Wishing you all the best

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 24/09/2019 18:53
  • I mean grey rock worked for me in a similar situation.. not a playground confrontation Smile
FuckYouChrisAndThatHorse · 24/09/2019 18:56

No denying, no explaining, but I would be awfully tempted to respond with a head tilt, a strained smile and a, “Oh don’t worry about that, C’s... versions of things are always revealed in the end. She can’t help it so there’s no point in being bothered by it really.” if anyone brings it up. Then shake your head and add that you shouldn’t have said anything and change the subject.

prettyretro · 24/09/2019 19:07

Been thinking of you today @JaysusWept hope you are ok

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