Third (and final) thread - C nonsense

[JaysusWept]

Unbelievable that this is the 3rd thread and still nothing has been resolved.
I wasn’t going to start this one but if anything good comes out of this shite it will be a Glasgow/Scotland MN meet up!

I know folk laugh at all the ‘DAILY MAIL MAY NOT USE THIS’ stuff, but here’s me giving the scummy DM permission to use this 👋

I've read all 3 threads. I can't add much to what's already been said.
But what I've noticed, and I can't see anyone has mentioned (sorry, if I've missed it)

All the stuff about what C has said/claimed/done, since the initial text and phone call, has been through and K & M. They could be making stuff up, they could be covering their own shit stirring (maybe they'd been telling C OP had been flirting with C's husband).

Op, you don't actually know what C has said or what has happened between C and her husband. She's is completely and utterly trusting the words of women who have proved themselves to be disloyal and backstabbing, at best. Why are you assuming that everything they say about C, as they run back to you to tattle, is true?

C sounds like a b*tch but that doesn't mean everything K & M have said is true - she could be even worse, or it could be that they are.

Jesus C has batshit balls of steel.

I totally agree with those who say keep quiet and withdraw from them all and only give non-comittal answers unless a solid gold opportunity lands at your feet (like with the husband).

I know your daughter is friends with the girls and that they're sweet - but they're also products of their parents.... it could bring a whole line of other issues - and would you really want your daughter somewhere where C could 'turn up' without you knowing?

I do also however think that - without forewarning C or her cronies - that a bit of police logging if not an actual slander complaint as yet may be an idea . If only because you don't want to/can't afford a cease and desist and the way that C has dug her claws into the hard line ballsup bollocks she's spewing - it might be wise to have a full list of her 'actions'. I say it because I'm remembering the poor OP from the Softzilla saga who had to get the police involved with her 'C'.

You must do whatever you feel is right Jaysus, only you know your so called friends, only you can make that call.

I suggest sending a class email so that you put to bed the rumours, she will never ever expect you to do this by the way - she is counting on your silence and dignity trust me. However if you bring the matter to light gently and carefully you are able to grapple some control of this. You will definitely get replies, and you will definitely have a percentage of parents behind you (it would be zero left to her - I am sure she will do a great job painting you as a harlot stealing her husband, and all she has done is support you through your divorce)

Grey rock works wonderfully with normal functioning women and men that are within the healthy range of rational. It absolutely does not fucking work with deranged psychos. Why do I feel this way? I learnt the hard way. I ignored the rumours, I swanned past every day indifferent, but she planted a seed in every single person's mind, and wove such a web of lies most of my friends didn't know who to believe or what to think.

You have to get your truth our there, whatever way you do it.

I can only tell you that next week is likely to answer all of this, if she does what I suspect she will do, it will leave none of us in any doubt.

Close her down with the truth before she ruins you and dd.

I have had direct experience of this, and I can tell she will not play fair nor does she care about the carnage she will cause. She is playing a kids game in an adults body, clearly with some serious issues.

I hope next week goes well, you have all of us.

I hope this week goes ok op. It’s a horrible feeling and you’ve done nothing to deserve it.
I’m still not sure what you should do re : emailing other parents. I never did and I wonder if things would’ve been different if I had.
In the end I left, c was the catalyst, but not the only reason. I knew I’d done the right thing 8 months later when my ex dp was sent messages she’d written containing threats and laughing about seeing me petrified... nice touch

My c would never have stopped, and my kids would’ve suffered.
When I spoke to the head teacher to tell them why I was leaving they were v clear that I should take legal action as in their words ‘you may find this has happened before’
Log all that’s happened so far, I’m hoping that it doesn’t escalate further and I’m really hoping the power of mumsnet may swing things in your favour.
to you and your dd - you’ve handled it so well. I know it hurts, but it will get better

Maybe in a bizarre Eastenders style twist, your ex's new dp is actually c's Husbands OW!!!

Queue du du dudududududu music!

Seriously, every time I read more of this I feel so angry for you at the injustice of the situation. I know it's unlikely but I hope you get a good result on this soon.

I hope this week goes ok for you OP

Read all these threads in the hope C got found out and revealed for the real C* she is!! Hope you’re ok OP

Holy smokes... please for the love of God do not involve school, or send an email ...

Be rational, I’m a parent , at a school gate & I couldn’t give a flying fuck who’s fucking who! And the only people I’m weary of are those who talk about others.
The people who gossip are the people I avoid. Omg! Far too much stock is being placed on the parents at school gates!!
Your ‘friends’ are bustards! You and your daughter are far better off without them.
People and children do get by without adults all being friends , can people stop taking a really fucked up and upsetting situation and making it a hundred times worse.

Let the hair sit OP, you and your dd will be grand. Leave the witches to the coven.

I kind of wish I worked for a headline newspaper now op. My boring job in the legal world won’t help you unless you are seriously considering taking court action. If so dm me.
In the meantime cover yourself. Protect dd. Don’t be complacent. Remember the truth resonates with everyone.

You have to keep an even temper because of your daughter. So I'd go with being worried about c, nothing but kindness and the odd head tilt thrown in, because you're worried she's not coping etc.

Same advice all along. Do not engage, do not fuel the gossips and drama merchants, especially your former so-called friends. They may have been seemingly supportive during your marriage breakdown but in exchange they got front seats for the drama and it probably made them feel good about themselves. You need to ride it out with a non-committal stance. The others will be eager for a reaction. Don’t give them one. It’s unfair but the damage is done. You cannot control the gossip but you can decide to not add to it and don’t give the drama any more oxygen.

I agree very strongly with Carthage today at 06:09:14. DO NOT engage with any of them. You are not dealing with normal, so normal resolution tactics won't work.

This is now a smear campaign and the nly thing left to do is to STOP trying to defend yourself and also stop trying to keep these frenemies in your life. They have shown where their loyalty lies, and look - here they are, telling you what is going on and upsetting you.

THIS ^

Every time things start to quieten down, K contacts you to stir the pot again. This is deliberate to keep the drama simmering.

I know it's hard, but don't engage at all. Don't accept phone calls, don't look atFB or WA - just step back from it.

It may be that if you do this they will try to attack your Achilles Heel - your DD - and start offering play dates and sleepovers etc. Don't weaken in an attempt to keep things stable for her - it will be a ruse. There are other people out there and other friends for both of you. Any attempt to clear your own name will be turned against you.

Remember - if you wrestle with a pig in muck, you will both get covered with sh*t and the pig will enjoy it.

You are worth more than this. Don't engage. Don't let your Ex engage. Just step back from it all.

This is nuts

Hey OP, i’m In Edinburgh and sending more Scottish solidarity . What a bunch of bissums

Your silence has been spun as an admission of guilt.

OP is in a situation where she cannot win - whatever action she takes will be used against her by these crazy cows.

Silent = guilty

Respond = protests too much.

OP - step back. Don't complain; Don't explain. What other people think of you is none of your business. Just keep things as calm as you can for the sake of your DD.

Still sorry for you, what a nasty situation.
I have found this online about lies and slander. Hope it helps a little perhaps.

robertringer.com/dealing-with-slander/

I'm so angry for you! Just read all 3 threads and I can't believe how this has escalated!!!! I have lots to say but I have flu and need to sleep so just for now and please know you have so much support from all over - not just Scotland! I'm down south near London and feel like your biggest cheerleader right now!!!!
Much love xxx

I'd stay away now, OP. That said, if she keeps coming for you there's always the option of printing the link to all 3 threads on little bits of paper and ticker-taping that shit all over the school at pick-up. That'd soon put everyone straight!

Fucking hell...just read them all and am , they are all pure rockets. Also in your neck of the woods. I totally feel for you and your dd, I’m not sure I’d have dealt with it as well as you have.

I agree with @SandunesAndRainclouds - the original 'mistake' text wasn't a mistake.

It's clear to see on this thread who has tangled with a psychopath and who hasn't. If you keep engaging, a psychopath will stop at nothing (and I mean nothing) to take you down.

If you shut down all contact with everyone involved, they think they have won and they are far more likely to let it go. A psychopath will never let you win, so your only option is to refuse to play.

Of course, she may just be a common or garden narcissist, or just toxic in some ill-defined way. Luckily, the No Contact advice is the proven way to end things fastest, whatever type of poison you are dealing with.

Just block them all, leave WA and stop looking at FB.

After 2300+ posts this is turning into a mini-drama and you need to step away and get on with your life.

@jaysuswept My gut reaction would be to confront them all. The injustice of it all makes my blood boil and I have no doubt I would have lost my temper and gone roaring round to C's house, as well as tearing strips off the others.

And do you know what I would have gained from that? Absolutely nothing. I have been in similar situations and have gone with my gut. And all it has ever done is to make things worse. Reacting with anger (though justified) has never brought me resolution.

You are the bigger, better person here. You have nothing to prove to them or anyone else. YOU know the truth and if C and her band of merry dickheads want to play make-believe to inject some excitement into their lives, let them. They are not worth your time and energy. Disengage.
When people show you who they are - believe them. None of them deserve to take up any more space in your life than they already have. xx

I agree with SchadenfreudePersonified there is nothing OP can do because whatever she say's or doesn't then C and her flying monkeys will take it as act of being guilty.

Having said that I would make it very clear to the flying monkeys and C husband that their behaviour is unacceptable so can they just leave me alone.

If anyone mentions to you about having an 'affair' I would tell them what happen and that I have no contact details for C husband. And as someone who has been cheated on that I would never be so disrespectful, and would never have an affair as I am well aware of the pain it causes.

I would tell all the flying monkeys to leave me alone as they have made their feelings and their loyalty very clear and that you would appreciate that they at least respect you enough to not drag you into C fantasies.

What an absolute nutter! Having read all your threads I’d ignore the lot of them. Your friends have shown their true colours and it’s time to walk away. You can’t control how other people react to such mental crap. C will find another way to spin any confrontation. C probably loves the drama. She sounds like a mad bully. Grey rock them all!

Please please don’t post anything on a class WhatsApp. I cringe inside at the very thought. I don’t think you will but I can think of nothing worse. People either won’t have heard at all, or will have heard but not really cared, or have heard and been momentarily diverted but not have any strong opinion about you. Your DD won’t suffer any reaction from them. The very few mad gossips are pains in the arse and a message like that will be gold for them.

Dignified silence all the way.