Settling down young... missed out/affair

[TrickyAF]

I’m in turmoil.
I settled young, married for a long time. Happily married but finding in my late 30s I’m strongly feeling I’ve missed out on experiencing other men and have been almost pulled into an affair with another married man.
I feel almost panic stricken that I will look back and regret not taking the opportunity.
I know it could end in disaster.
But I can’t seem to think logically.

I did have an affair, hurt my amazing husband terribly, and ultimately myself because i fell headed over heels with the other man and kept ending it and going back for months, because i wanted him so much, but couldnt bring myself to leave my husband, upset my children and his, and basically throw my life away. My husband knew fairly early on and fought for me so hard, it was far more than i deserved, but in the end i cut off all contact with om, left my job( we worked together) and focused on my marriage, as did my oh. And 18 months on we're far more appreciative of each other, i KNOW how lucky i am and i love the fact that we've been together forever. I nearly lost it all, and whilst the om might always lurk somewhere in the back of my head, that's where he'll stay and i will never be so stupid again.

It was very hard to give up, once you embark on an affair, the end is always going to be messy and painful, either for 1 or 2 people, or lots.

Not sure what my point is, but you won't get judgement from me! Good luck on making the right choices for you Xx

Would your husband be interested in an open relationship?

I've been with a few married men in open relationships and even ended up joining one of the men with his wife eventually. It was always really fun as everything was out in the open, everyone knew where they stood, no one was getting hurt as from the off set we knew it was purely sex.

I agree with pp who said we are animals, I don't think it's natural to be monogamous and I have only learnt this through my own experiences. I had a totally different opinion ten years ago. I would absolutely not have been up for an open relationship, but now, I think it can really work for some couples and I would certainly be open to the idea.

Maybe your husband would be into the idea also? If you don't ask you don't get!

I have a lot of sympathy because I think i’d have found settling early hard. I had no desire to settle down when I was younger. I first went out with my husband at 18 and we split up for this reason. we then got together again in our 30s, and are so happy (now in 40s). You could say he was the perfect man all along, but I was not the perfect woman for him till I grew up a bit, and he did some growing too. The contentment I feel is linked to being finally ready to commit, coming from hard life (the experience of painful and crap relationships at least as much as the fun stuff) but it was experience I benefitted from. The thing is OP, assuming your relationship is good, you can‘t do things my way round. You either take it from people who‘ve been single or flitting about that it’s really hard sometimes, learn to work on accepting what you’ve got, and to reinvest in your marriage. Or you can leave your marriage and have your flings and learn the hard way - at this stage the stakes for you are really high though. Go to counselling, try and work through what about this is your relationship and what is itchy feet - only you can judge. What won‘t work is an affair which will mulch up feelings you need to separate out

There’s nothing wrong with thinking you’ve missed out. If you want to try having sex with some other people just to see what it’s like, consider swinging with your husband, he might be up for it!

Oh the irony, if a man had written this, my hormones are pulling me into an affair.

....have been almost pulled into an affair with another married man.

Hmm...I think there may be a medical reason for this. Your 'resistence ligaments' are probably playing up. They stop your body from being pulled into the arms of another man. Or it could be Knickerzoff Syndrome, when pants suddenly fly off at random times and unusual circumstances.