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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Has my boyfriend unblocked his ex?

137 replies

hastala · 18/09/2019 17:23

Ok I might sound crazy but here goes.
In the search bar on Facebook when I typed my boyfriends name plus his ex's name nothing came up.
Now when I put his name and his ex's name all posts from years ago show up that she wrote on his wall.
Does this mean he's unblocked her?

OP posts:
Original poster
hastala · 19/09/2019 10:27

Is there any point waiting around for him to get over her ?
I mean how long will that even take
I don't know what my confidence will be like by that time

OP posts:
Notcoolmum · 19/09/2019 10:33

@hastala
No there is no point. Don't waste your time on someone who makes you feel so insecure and unsure of yourself. Read Mr Unavailable and the Fallback Girl and work on yourself so you are no longer anyone's fallback girl.

PlinkPlink · 19/09/2019 10:35

No. There is no point waiting for him to get over her.

For the moment, you are distracting him from ever getting past that relationship it seems.

I would strongly suggest that you leave and spend some time on your own for a bit. This relationship will only continue to make you feel more and more shit.

The facebook stuff is not suspicious. The only way you'd suddenly be able to see their posts to each other is if they changed their privacy settings.

You clearly dont trust him. You clearly dont feel like the centre of his world. You clearly dont feel appreciated by him. So go... stop tormenting yourself further.

It's pretty shit, I know, and it feels so awful. You just want him to love you... but he's not there.

munzero · 19/09/2019 11:28

If it was him who blocked her on his Facebook, it would have absolutely no bearing on your search results on your Facebook.

margaritaproblems · 19/09/2019 11:38

What bluntness said.

Why are you doing this?

You're wasting your life 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️

dontgobaconmyheart · 19/09/2019 11:42

Maybe his face drops because he's fed up of you mentioning her OP, because it's draining and probably leads go nothing but grief.

I think you need to separate your own issues from reality. People do not have their memories wiped of ex's when they move on and that is normal. Why would it be weird to mention (occasionally) somebody you used to date? Most of the things that happened in his recent history will have involved his ex, that is normal and doesn't mean he is reminiscing about her.

On the other hand if you feel he is deliberately making a comparison and is the one to bring it up then why be with him?

Like other posters OP, and I mean this nicely, you would really benefit from seeing help with this, you are right that your self esteem will continue to plummet but that seems to be because you are currently unable to stop fixating and comparing. There is no shame in talking to someone to understand where that pattern of thought came from, and how to stop doing it.

He is not the be all and end all OP and how much he wants you, over someone else especially does not have anything to do with your value. I'd see your GP or google self referrals for CBT or relationship counselling. You're going to make yourself unwell if you don't stop!

Coconutbug · 19/09/2019 11:44

Definitely don't wait around, you'll likely just end up being a rebound.. the one he's uses to get over her. Get out now!!!

With regard to the Facebook thing, it changes settings around all the time some things become visible that you couldn't see before. I know I've clicked on people's profile in the past and couldn't see anything the suddenly can see loads of past posts. So probably something like that.

But for your own sanity I would recommend ending the relationship, the feelings you are having are not good for your mental health.

Original poster
hastala · 19/09/2019 11:57

I'm exhausted from thinking about him 24/7
I can feel myself withdrawing from my life and focusing on this.
I constantly check his last seen WhatsApp (he was on at midnight yet couldn't reply to me )
Every day trying to de code why some texts are more than others
Haven't seen him in a fortnight now.
I'm so fed up.

OP posts:
JorisBonson · 19/09/2019 12:04

Jesus OP, is he really worth all this??

Uninstall whatsapp. Deactivate your Facebook. Get on with your life.

Vilanelle · 19/09/2019 12:05

OP, how old are you?

You sound really paranoid. I think you need help with this. Go out with friends, watch a film. Live your life

libbynaughtz26 · 19/09/2019 12:08

Sorry but always trust your gut. This man isn't over his ex, he's shown you this. Odds are that yes he would drop you if she wanted him. Why be with someone like that? It'll drain you. End it. And either be alone or find someone who wants you and only you. Don't be someone's runner up prize.

Original poster
hastala · 19/09/2019 12:08

@Vilanelle hi I'm 28
I do have OCD which I'm getting CBT for but so far it's not helping.
I repeatedly obsess over everything
Checking WhatsApp /Facebook
Not just relationship based,i check cookers,doors,windows ,think about conversations I've had with friends and did I say the wrong thing.
If I say hello to someone il spend ages worrying I looked like a idiot.
Im exhausted

OP posts:
Original poster
hastala · 19/09/2019 12:09

@libbynaughtz26 my gut is saying he's not over her.
I think he likes me,I do think he loves her tho.

OP posts:
BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 19/09/2019 12:09

You haven't seen him in 2 weeks

he doesn't reply to you

you know he would chuck you over if she wanted him back.

How long have you been in this "relationship" OP and why do you stay in it knowing you are second best? I don't think anyone should be with someone who consumes them 24/7, it is not healthy and will slowly send you bonkers. Deactivate facebook, deactivate your fella and concentrate on yourself. or just stay and stalk whatsapp/fb and keep torturing yourself, only you can decide.

MashedSpud · 19/09/2019 12:10

He’s not your boyfriend.

I’ve realised it’s you posting about that same guy you had a fwb thing with for a few weeks.

You’re ruining your mh over this obsession with him.

He’s said just friends and he doesn’t want more than that.

You’ve been told numerous times to block him but you won’t.

Please make an appointment with a therapist to get you back into reality. You need to move on from this before your mh is destroyed.

libbynaughtz26 · 19/09/2019 12:10

Op it's not worth it. It's not just your gut either. You've told us things he's said and how he reacts to her name. No one is worth feeling second best. Owe it to yourself to get some respect Thanks

SouthernComforts · 19/09/2019 12:13

You need help.

Original poster
hastala · 19/09/2019 12:14

I'm just so sad all the time.
Saturday night he was texting saying he wasn't feeling well and I should go deliver him some food and saying come over and look after me.
Then the day after he went mia but on WhatsApp all the time.

OP posts:
libbynaughtz26 · 19/09/2019 12:14

@SouthernComforts really helpful? I think op is bang on with this one.

SherbetSaucer · 19/09/2019 12:16

In my opinion the relationship is already over. This is no way to live and sooner or later your paranoia and constant checking up on him will cause him to run a mile.

Best to stay single until you’re in a healthier place!

JorisBonson · 19/09/2019 12:17

@hastala

Seriously. Listen to yourself. Do yourself a favour and stop this.

Vilanelle · 19/09/2019 12:19

You WILL end up pushing him away

Everafter1 · 19/09/2019 12:26

Turn off your own last seen on WhatsApp then you won't be able to check his.

You need to remove yourself from the situation now. It's negatively impacting on your life too much. Your life is bigger than this.

Pinkflipflop85 · 19/09/2019 12:37

He is not in a relationship with you by the sounds of it. He is just keeping you there to pick up and use when he wants.

Please find some self respect and get rid.

Original poster
hastala · 19/09/2019 12:49

The more he speaks the more I cling on to him getting over her and us becoming more.
He has offered to help me move next weekend and told me not to worry and we will get my house sorted.
I keep thinking if he didn't care he wouldn't do that.

OP posts:
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