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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Has my boyfriend unblocked his ex?

137 replies

hastala · 18/09/2019 17:23

Ok I might sound crazy but here goes.
In the search bar on Facebook when I typed my boyfriends name plus his ex's name nothing came up.
Now when I put his name and his ex's name all posts from years ago show up that she wrote on his wall.
Does this mean he's unblocked her?

OP posts:
readitandwept · 18/09/2019 19:54

In the search bar on Facebook when I typed my boyfriends name plus his ex's name nothing came up.

What even is this?

So you literally type "Dave smith + Jane Brown" and FB brings up their interactions??

I didn't know this! I have no need to know this, but still. Did other people know this?

But still, no need. Chill. Or end it.

No they were just together years and we haven't been together long so I'm paranoid.

^^ You say this likes it's a completely rational explanation. It really isn't.

BarbedBloom · 18/09/2019 19:54

It could be privacy settings then OP. I have sometimes changed my privacy settings on my FB and it has done it for all past posts as well. This meant a few things I had put to a limited audience previously were suddenly visible to everyone

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 18/09/2019 20:01

It's just graph search changing. Don't worry about it.

Focus on how you get past the urge to search this all the time. If you can't get over your jealousy about who he's talking to, this has no future and you're just driving yourself mad and wasting time.

usernames · 18/09/2019 20:03

How old are you op?

MonstrousBrigade · 18/09/2019 20:05

Blimey, OP... I don’t usually post, but this is rather silly. I hope this clears things up a bit.

  1. She most likely took you off a “restricted” list. If you try to post to Facebook, there’s a setting at the top, where you can choose who gets to see your posts. Used to be, you could add lots of lists with different restrictions for different groups of people, e.g. don’t show nights out with the girls to your colleagues. Don’t know if they still work as they used to.

  2. if he had blocked her, it would not affect what you can see, as you clearly know already.

  3. maybe he has changed his settings so you can see more of what’s on his wall?

And finally,
4) of you look at his “friends” list, you can see if she’s on there or not. This should’ve been your first port of call, by the way. Has he actually told you he had her blocked, or have you just assumed because you couldn’t see posts from her on his wall?

Also, if he’s unblocked her or not, wouldn’t matter if he uses WhatsApp to message... Hope you find some peace.

thatwasMauijustmessingaround · 18/09/2019 20:06

She might have just changed her privacy settings from friends only to friends of friends....

THAT is the only thing that'll make a difference.

Your behaviour isn't normal btw. Been with my husband over ten years now, married for one. I've never once even considered searching or stalking him like this... and yes he messages/WhatsApp's his friends....

mindutopia · 18/09/2019 20:14

It sounds like one of them has changed their privacy settings. Nothing more exciting than that.

But why would it matter if he unblocked her anyway? I only have one ex blocked on Facebook (a crazy stalker one). I am friends with probably 6 of my exes in Facebook. I’ve been happily with my dh for 11 years. But as none of my past relationships (except that one) ended particularly acrimoniously, why would I need to block them? They’re all perfectly okay people and I’m an adult. I’m even friends with one of my exes wives (she’s really nice, I talk to her more than him). If my dh had freaked out about me staying in touch with exes, I probably would have dropped him like a hot potato when we were dating. But he’s secure and we have a happy, stable relationship. If you’re stressing about this so early on, it’s time to move on as something just isn’t right and you’re going to make each other miserable in the long term.

Ginger1982 · 18/09/2019 20:19

"I know you might say I'm paranoid etc but come on don't you think it's strange how all of a sudden I can see all the posts she posted on his wall ...yet a couple of months ago I couldn't "

I think it's strange that you have clearly spent time in the past looking at this to have noticed this difference.

Moomin8 · 18/09/2019 20:28

The real question here is 'why don't you trust him'?

itsnotmyparty · 18/09/2019 20:33

Sounds like she's unblocked you

KOKOtiltomorrow · 18/09/2019 20:34

@AMAM8196 ....have you not got school in the morning? And if the answer is not “yes” them you seriously need a lifestyle change

onemorerose · 18/09/2019 20:39

That way madness lies. You are stalking your current partners past relationship. Have you a reason not to trust him?

sunshineandshowers87 · 18/09/2019 20:44

I can't seem to understand how even if he or she has unblocked, why it would bother you

Spingtrolls · 18/09/2019 20:47

Do him a favour and end it with him.
Then focus on getting help before you have another relationship.
What you are doing isn't healthy

Original poster
hastala · 18/09/2019 21:11

I'm jealous of the relationship he had with her.
I can't help it,I know I'm being irrational.

OP posts:
Ginger1982 · 18/09/2019 21:16

How long were they together? When did they split? How long have you been together?

Leftielefterson · 18/09/2019 21:16

I would have no idea how to check this as I am an utter technophobe but all of this checking is bound to induce anxiety within you and isn’t helpful. It sounds like you have trust issues, have you tried to speak with your partner about this? She’s an ex for a reason though OP so take some solace in that.

People do have strange reasons for doing things and my ex used to unblock me as his ‘sign’ that he was ready to get back together if that’s what I wanted, a sort of weird, fucked up morse code if you will. My situation isn’t normal though OP and I doubt it’s anything sinister.

Bluntness100 · 18/09/2019 21:19

I'm jealous of the relationship he had with her. I can't help it,I know I'm being irrational

I think you know your relationship is over. It's just about when now. If you can't cope with his previous relationships, exhibit this level of jealousy, then there is no where for it to go. It's on the green mile. Dead man walking,

You need to get yourself healthy.

readitandwept · 18/09/2019 21:19

But she is an ex for a reason. By acting the way that you are, you're ruining any chance of you both having an even better relationship than what you seem to think they had.

Kitty1184 · 18/09/2019 21:20

Jesus wept.

QueenofPain · 18/09/2019 21:21

More likely that his ex has unblocked you.

Original poster
hastala · 18/09/2019 21:25

They were together 5 years.
Lived together etc

OP posts:
tessiegirl · 18/09/2019 21:27

Op I feel for you. I used to really suffer from irrational jealousy around my relationships. It absolutely consumes you. Sad
Can you speak to him about it?

namechangered2019 · 18/09/2019 21:43

Oh OP I have to admit I’ve felt like you in a previous relationship. You need to research retroactive jealousy and try and get a handle on it before you ruin your relationship. It at even be too late for this one but it’ll help you going forward.

namechangered2019 · 18/09/2019 21:44

It MIGHT even be too late, that should read!

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