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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Has my boyfriend unblocked his ex?

137 replies

hastala · 18/09/2019 17:23

Ok I might sound crazy but here goes.
In the search bar on Facebook when I typed my boyfriends name plus his ex's name nothing came up.
Now when I put his name and his ex's name all posts from years ago show up that she wrote on his wall.
Does this mean he's unblocked her?

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 18/09/2019 21:45

Can you speak to him about it?

They haven't been together long. Speaking to him about her mental health issues will probably just speed up it ending. No one wants to be with someone with this level of irrational jealousy.

Ash39 · 18/09/2019 21:54

Back away from social media a bit and try and live IN THE REAL WORLD! Concentrate on your current relationship, and discuss like adults whether it is worth continuing.
But tbh if you are so obsessed, paranoid and invested in something so childish as to whether or not he/she/whatever has blocked whomever on FB, well, perhaps it's time to move on from the relationship...
something must be off about it if you are behaving in this way sadly.

Ginger1982 · 18/09/2019 22:05

Did he leave her for you?

Kitty1184 · 18/09/2019 22:05

Amen @Ash39!!

Evilmorty · 18/09/2019 22:10

Right well no1 I can tell you that it’s notjinh to do with blocking or unblocking, the search facility on fb is rubbish and often shows things sometimes and not others. I know this because I regularly search for my own posts using my BF account so I can check my own privacy settings are secure.

No2. You sound ill. This is not normal behaviour.

QueenofPain · 18/09/2019 22:28

More likely that his ex has unblocked you.

Pinkflipflop85 · 18/09/2019 22:32

I think you need to end things with the poor man and get some help!

tessiegirl · 18/09/2019 22:32

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

MashedSpud · 18/09/2019 22:36

Stop google searching his ex. It’s irrational and frankly weird.

This isn’t even bog standard jealousy it’s obsessive.

upups · 18/09/2019 22:37

I really do not know why everyone feels the need to be so horrible! Op you're clearly having some anxiety over your relationship, I get it I've been here with my partner before but obsessing over things like this will only make things worse. Maybe try speaking to him about how you're feeling, or trying to challenge what you are thinking into being rational. Look at how your relationship is going in the real world as that is the main focus.ThanksThanks

CadburysCremeSmeggs · 18/09/2019 22:52

Why are you searching for? Your a bunny boiler op

jelly79 · 18/09/2019 23:12

How old are you OP?

You have to accept most people have a past and unless he has done something to make you doubt him your behaviour is pretty paranoid or obsessive. It isn't healthy

ASeriesOfUnfortunateEvents · 18/09/2019 23:33

You sound controlling and extremely paranoid, if you were a man saying all of this every person would be telling you to let the poor woman go and sort out your issues.

You need to work on yourself and your issues before you get into any relationship, otherwise you will be on a path of destruction and cause potential damage to the other person with your behaviour. No one deserves to put up with a controlling and jealous person, it's not healthy and it is not acceptable.

As for your ridiculous searching, use some common sense please, Facebook updates it's settings all the time. Unless you are logged into his account you will never know if he has her unblocked or not. All this searching you are doing is pointless and rather disturbing. I sincerely hope for his own sake he walks away from you as I feel you will cause serious damage to his mental health if he has to consistently spend his time explaining himself to you.

Go get help OP, I doubt you will but what you are doing is disturbing and worrying. Nor does it make any sense.

DBML · 18/09/2019 23:52

Hi op, sorry you’re having a tough time. I think you probably do sound a bit insecure about your relationship. How did you meet / start going out?

I’m going to try to help anyway. Facebook comments can be hidden for a number of reasons.

  1. It is possibly your partner blocked his ex and so her comments were no longer visible. Unblocking her could make those comments then show up again.
  2. It’s possible your partner set his ex’s comments to ‘hidden’, so only she and any of her friends would see them. You wouldn’t if you are not her FB friend. Changing the settings could then make those comments visible.

Has your partner given you any reason to think his ex is a threat?

Did you date him before they split?

How long has it been since their split?

Have you asked him about the comments?

If you’ve only been together a short while and you feel like this, it’s a good sign that this relationship is probably not a healthy one. I hope you manage to sort it. There’s nothing nicer than finding a person you feel you can just love and trust.

Everafter1 · 18/09/2019 23:56

Is it just because she's an ex that it's triggered the paranoia or does he speak about her often? I feel like there must be more to this.

They've broke up for a reason. Yeah they had a longer relationship but that's just par for the course.

It's not a good place for you to be in where you're worrying and actively looking for signs. That's exhausting. You could come across something that could seem worse than what it is because the paranoia has affected your perception.

Original poster
hastala · 19/09/2019 09:06

He speaks about her.
Mentioning how they got together,why they have split in the past.
Even that last year they were meant to see a film and she caused a argument so they didn't bother.
Going into detail about things
I don't feel like il ever be her ever ..
I won't be good enough in his eyes and nobody will ever be her to him.

OP posts:
Original poster
hastala · 19/09/2019 09:06

Im just sick of never being enough

OP posts:
Original poster
hastala · 19/09/2019 09:08

I just can't stand every day wondering will they get back together
If she messages will be throw me to one side (and he would do )
I can't stand that feeling every day,if he hasn't text,wondering if she's text him or if he's seen her in Asda and they started chatting again

OP posts:
MashedSpud · 19/09/2019 09:11

Take a break from relationships.

Work on your own self worth and self esteem.

You shouldn’t be trying to be someone else.

He’s not over her and if she wanted him back there’s a big chance he would leave you. Do you want to be his second best?

AmIThough · 19/09/2019 09:14

He's not over her then is he? Don't keep hanging on to someone who makes you feel second best.

chipsandgin · 19/09/2019 09:16

Step away from this OP. Maybe get some counselling for yourself before being in this or any other relationship. You sound like you really need some help to get yourself to a better place in terms of your mental health.

Seriously - whatever it is you are or aren’t seeing is irrelevant here, but you shouldn’t be in this or any other relationship until you have learnt how to behave rationally in a healthy one. Re-read this thread - take in the advice & maybe try & think how you would view this if it were a friend coming across the way you are..

Original poster
hastala · 19/09/2019 09:25

I know he isn't over her.
If I mention her name his face drops.
It's not a nice situation to be in,I want him to be over her.
I wish I hadn't got involved now tbh because I'm no good with this.

OP posts:
hellsbellsmelons · 19/09/2019 09:44

Im just sick of never being enough
Well then get the fuck out!
Why are you 'settling'?
Why do you think so little of yourself?
Just pick up your self-esteem from the floor and walk away.
It really IS that SIMPLE!!!!

Everafter1 · 19/09/2019 09:53

Get out now before you're more invested. He's not going to get over her any time soon & that's unfair on you.

This will eat away at your confidence until you have none & you'll end up clinging onto him more. It will no doubt end anyway now & you'll find it harder to move on.

The only way to avoid feeling like this is to break up with him. It's always upsetting & you'll miss him but in the long run it's unlikely you'll regret it.

You deserve more than to be with someone who's pining for someone else. Look at how consuming it is for you already.

AmIThough · 19/09/2019 09:54

Is this your first proper relationship?
You honestly need to leave him and realise you deserve somebody who puts you first.

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