Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

“Nicest woman I have ever met”

140 replies

Passthebubbly · 16/09/2019 21:52

This is how my dh described another woman. Would it bother you? It is niggling me!

OP posts:
Jesaminecollins · 17/09/2019 05:16

@Passthebubbly

My husband has always worked with a lot of women and in the past he has been boss to about 200 women.(NHS Manager) It would not bother me at all if he said another woman was nice. Do you think you might be a little insecure?

Tilltheendoftheline · 17/09/2019 05:22

I suppose it depends if you feel that you being nice is one of your best qualities, I could understand.

If dp said a woman was the nicest person he had ever met, I wouldnt be bothered because i dont aim to be the nicest person, people ever meet.

I also know that dp finds people who are overly nice a bit boring. He likes that i dont take shit off him or anyone else.

I, like a previous poster, am kind. I will and do help people out all the time. But not at my own expense. I am never nasty about people but try and be tactfully honest.

I used to be the nicest person people ever met. They would tell me this often. In actual fact I was deeply miserable and felt if I wasnt nice people would hate me and was a door mat.

I am no longer the nicest person but people still like me.

Believe me, she isn't THAT nice.

How do you know? I am not the nicest person I know. I am nice enough not to sleep with my married boss. How do you know this woman 'isnt that nice?'

MsDogLady · 17/09/2019 05:46

*Nicest woman I have ever met. Doesn’t have a bad bone in her body.
*Never heard him speak about another woman like that before.
*Shocked how in awe he seemed of her.

*No way, you don’t look that age.
*I just got how much he liked her.

OP, I understand why you feel unsettled by this. I would feel uneasy if my husband projected this much energy to and about another woman. He would never personally compliment a woman’s youthful looks, and certainly not in a job interview. That was inappropriate, as was his raving to you about her off-the-charts niceness. It sounds like he has her on a pedestal.

I would tackle this now and communicate how his gushing has made you feel.

Bingoblingo · 17/09/2019 06:10

My postman is the nicest man i’ve ever met, that does not mean I fancy him in the slightest, or want to spend the rest of my days with him.

Jesaminecollins · 17/09/2019 06:36

@Bingoblingo

My hairdresser is the nicest man I have ever met and he is gay and aged 25 so no I don't fancy him.

RLOU30 · 17/09/2019 06:37

Did DH come to this conclusion after an interview ? Unless he had known her a while I really wouldn’t give it a second thought- she was hardly going to be a cow 🐮 in an interview situation

Jesaminecollins · 17/09/2019 06:44

@RLOU30

If you want the job you will be on your best behavior - I come across as a friendly nice woman but I am really a hard nosed bitch if someone upsets me Grin

CodenameVillanelle · 17/09/2019 06:46

How weird to be upset by this! I'm not particularly 'nice' so I wouldn't expect anyone to describe me that way, even my partner. If he did, I'd think he'd gone a bit wrong. Are people in relationships not allowed to notice when other people are nice or interesting then?

Goatinthegarden · 17/09/2019 06:49

I once split up with a boyfriend in my early 20s because he was ‘too nice’. He was so respectful and thoughtful of my every need...but quite frankly, just a bit bland.

I felt really awful, because he was really lovely about me telling him I didn’t want to date him anymore. He asked to remain friends and I couldn’t say no, because he was so ‘nice’. So we continued a weird awkward friendship for a few years afterwards where we went for ‘nice’ coffees.

I’m such a bitch. 🙄

U2HasTheEdge · 17/09/2019 06:59

He should have said she is one of the nicest people he has ever met, not the nicest. He missed a trick there!

I would be a bit miffed probably. Commenting on how young she looks to her face and talking about how she doesn't have a bad bone in her body would annoy me too.

It is not a massive deal, no, but I am human and prone to feeling a bit insecure at times.

OutwiththeOutCrowd · 17/09/2019 07:03

I suspect 'nice' means 'amenable' in this case and not really a cause for concern. On the other hand, if he had he had described her as nubile rather than nice....

TheOnlyLivingBoyInNewCross · 17/09/2019 07:03

Men will describe a female colleague as "nice" when she doesn't threaten or challenge their perception of their own ability or status in said workplace in any way, shape or form.

U2HasTheEdge · 17/09/2019 07:05

I don't think OP would mind if all he had said was that she is nice. I am pretty sure the issue is with him saying she is the nicest woman he has ever met and commenting on her youthful looks etc, when he never normally speaks about women this way. Who says that when interviewing someone??

I am not saying it is a big deal, but OP isnt just upset because he said someone else was nice.

speakout · 17/09/2019 07:06

If my Oh called someone "nice" he would mean it as an insult.

ScreamingValenta · 17/09/2019 07:11

It wouldn't worry me. You can bend over backwards to be nice to a man you're interested in, go out of your way to give him the impression you're the loveliest person in the universe, but it comes to absolutely nothing if he doesn't fancy you. I'm sure I can't be the only one to have had that experience!

PositiveVibez · 17/09/2019 07:16

I think you are overreacting.

I know for a fact I'm not the nicest person dh has ever met. Not because he's told me I'm horrible, but because we both know much nicer people than ourselves lol.

My mum, my colleague, one of my sister's. All far nicer and way more thoughtful than me. We are sarcastic and skitting (gentle ribbing, nothing too mean).

I wouldn't have a problem with it.

But if you think you are the nicest person your dh has ever met (a label I think for others to decide and not to be given to yourself), then I can see why you would be jealous.

alwayscrashinginthesamecar1 · 17/09/2019 07:25

Would you really want to described as nice? Its so insipid!

joystir59 · 17/09/2019 07:33

This is more about your bond with your DP

Fallofrain · 17/09/2019 07:35

Im not the nicest person dp has ever met, dp isnt the nicest person ive ever met.

My dp is usually universally aknowledged as lovely, however as their partner i get to hear the unkind secret things they dont tell others (as all humans have) which means i see a slightly different side than everyone else. I still think dp is lovely, but i guess im more likely to think someone else is the "nicest" as i would only see the public side

Nicest means lots of things as people have said. It might mean polite, thoughtful, kind, pushover etc. I once dated someone who was really really polite, and the "nicest person" however had no boundaries, could never say what they thought and was a complete nightmare to be with.

The kindest person i know on reflection is a lady who swears like a trooper, is very impolite and is brash at times however would remember that today is the day her admins mother died ten years ago and give her flowers.

My dp isnt the nicest, or the funniest however is a nice mix of all sorts of personality traits. Kind yet firey, confident yet sensitive. There isnt a one word for Dp as they are a well rounded, "good person" and for that i love them dearly.

Heyboyo · 17/09/2019 07:39

This wouldn’t bother me at all and some of the replies are weird. I’ve said this about a man to my DH. I didn’t mean I fancied him or anything. My SIL is one of the nicest people as well. She’d do anything for you and has won awards for the things she has done. Some people have very low esteem on here

SpeckledyHen · 17/09/2019 07:42

We were not allowed to use the the word ‘nice’ when I was as school - head of English banned it . In her view it had no meaning.... it has stuck with me to this day .

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 17/09/2019 07:43

Agree gingersausage, if you have to intervene and 'take steps' then you never really had a chance. You can't own another person no matter what you do. They elect to be with you, or they don't.

Beerincomechampagnetastes · 17/09/2019 07:44

Op - it’s not about what he said really - it’s about your instincts.
How are things in your marriage atm?

I would probably be described by others (men) as having to much to say for myself. I’m happy with that Grin

StockTakeFucks · 17/09/2019 07:48

If OH said I was the nicest woman he'd ever met we'd both laugh. There are plenty of women who deserve that title,I'm not one if them. I'm a bit of a dick really.Grin

Swisskit · 17/09/2019 07:53

I once said this to my DH's friend's wife, because she genuinely is the nicest person I've ever met. DH agreed with me. Doesn't mean he fancies her.

I think "nice" implies that you're not sarcastic or spiteful, just that you see the best in everyone and are very obviously caring and kind. Lovely traits, but I think I would get fed up with DH if he were like that.