Dating thread 170: Know your worth

[Ginmel]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you. 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread

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Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item. 😘

ANYWAY as Ginmel tried (sorry raw subject for me), back to dating thread...

... I have no irons really, MrEP didn’t show and I’d fading I think. I’m away for a while so not bothering to look. Need a little me time!

@notmrscookie do you have anything to lose if you go?

Hi everyone just checking in, no news from me though. Still feeling the pain of things not working out with Mr Bucket . I do have one iron but we haven’t arranged to meet...I’m just not feeling it, even though he seems nice, not pushy, no sex talk... he’s just not Mr B. I’m thinking about going back on citalopram for my anxiety, so I think I may just have to take a break. I’m worried I’ll miss out on ‘the one’ though, which is nuts, it’s like now I’ve decided to get back in the dating game this summer I have given myself an impossible target, almost, if that makes sense. Like I’m running out of time.

Back to dating thread.
There is this lovely lady, let's call her Miss Carealot. I bumped into her few times as she works in the place I take my kids to every now and then. We spoke few times, last time weeks ago and it felt like she was waiting for me to ask her out but I just couldn't compose myself. We spent quite a lot of time together, even though she was at work, few friendly touches, strokes, I totally messed up and just said "see you around". Ok, bit of background, she's 30 so 10years younger, I told her I was alone, she knows I have kids (played with them and had a chat). As you'd imagine, I've been at her work place every time I could since then but after chatting up her colleagues I learned that she only works there when she feels like it. I couldn't push any further so I'm hoping she'll be there on Saturday- I'm totally prepared to make a fool of myself and ask her out...

@WhatWhyWhen Sorry, your situation is a bit more complicated. I appreciate that we all get sick but generally we do advertise this. Got flu, not feeling well and so on. If my kids happen to be sick they stay at home, if I'm sick I work from home or remote office and I drive there rather than Tube. It's all about making a choice based on facts...

@whatwhywhen wasn't trying to do anything. I often use voice to text software so type short replies in different responses

@FMFL sorry MrB is still getting under your skin. Some of them take up a lot more head space than they deserve. I get the "running out of time" feeling, I've still got it and I'm in a relationship. I'm acutely aware that it may not work out and I'll be back here, 6 months older with a few more wrinkles and more grey hairs, and a broken heart to boot.

@notmrscookie No way would I do a gym or swim date for a first date, though I know others on here have. Sounds like diet and exercise are a huge part of his life, and whilst admirable it's a lifestyle choice that you need to get on board with. MrAbs was a gym junkie and macro nutrient counter to the nth degree. Fit as fuck but boring as hell when I look back without my rose tinted specs on. He did get me going to the gym more though which I've kept up, so now I'm the hottest ex he ever had 🤷‍♀️😂 The tatts wouldn't bother me they're so mainstream these days, as long as not on neck or face.

Thanks @JeSuis. Glad to know I’m not alone and going crazy with that feeling. I hate it! I’m hoping that the ADs will calm me back down (lots of rl problems at the moment) and I can get some perspective on this.

@FMFL it took me way too long to get over my mr headfucker variant. Something about the headfuckering sticks a barb in your spirit. It does/will happen though

whywhywhen is right. An ex of mine had genital herpes passed on through cold sores of the mouth. Apparently it's the major route for the passing of the infection now presumably because of condom use.

@ilovefreckles "Twinkle cave * < spits coffee out >. That's very twee (and unmumsnetty)

I dunno if yesterday was a new moon or some crap but it was an OLD rollercoaster for me

Matched with a guy, got chatting. Not really my type looks wise but Funny...sooo funny. Rapid wit. We text continually for 5 hours. He gave me his number but didnt have WA so we went back on the app since both were fans of sending gifs. Anyway, he asks for a date. Says desperate to meet. We start to organise. Date set. I get in bath. I get out. Open app. Hes sent several bumble messages so I open it. Oh.... hes unmatched me. So I send him a text....did you unmatch me? I get several texts saying hes sorry, I'm great, hes not a dating type, too soon, blah blah. I could only laugh really. I replied, it's ok david dont worry about it....well, I realised after that his name isnt david hehe

The same day, I match with someone. We go on whatsapp. It gets a bit heated (ginmel, I had no intention of meeting this one hehe. 10 years younger than me) . I mean, mild sexting here. It becomes apparent he is live texting himself wanking. He sends a pic of him lying down in bed. Then says ahhh yes that's it. I realise hes finished himself off. Bleggghhhh disinfect my phone.

There was more but ...honestly the entire day was ridiculous...I had to take myself off for a bath and a brandy. Today is a new day right?

supercali you've condensed the past fortnight of my life into one day! Hope you're in a better mood this morning.

Last night I spoke to an American over here for work. He has a weird schedule that sees him here off and on for the next year. I'm American as well, so it was nice to hear his voice (southern drawl, yum). We are meeting up on Saturday, he seems really nice.

This week I have ended up with a fuck buddy (I think fwb is even too formal a description), a date tonight, Saturday and Monday. All different men.

Kid in a candy shop.

FPMSL at 'twinkle cave'. Marl try not to stress about it. I did know about oral chlamydia, not sure how. But it's treatable. I don't use condoms for oral.

Gosh some of your stories make me feel rather tame! Fair play to you all though there's no harm I don't think. To think this time last year I hadn't even heard of Sexting kind of blows my mind a little that now I've got guys who are strangers being so sexual on messages with me!!

So after my reservations about multiple irons I now have 2 on the go. Mr Boat still occasionally messaging from his holiday - although I have to be honest mostly all prompted by me - but he is soooo hot! Then I have Mr Local who asked me out the other day and I said lets go for coffee - but now we are meeting he said "properly" for lunch so now I'm quite excited about him too! We are meeting Friday. Mr Boat comes home from holiday Friday also so I think I will wait for him to contact me this time - see how keen he is.

Glad I'm not the only one sniggering at twinkle cave!

@WhatWhyWhen - just read the article about dental dams. Blimey at my age I still have much to learn..... LOL Who knew!!!!

@iamthrough I'm with you, when I first met my ex he didn't even have a mobile phone! I'm fortunate in that I have never had any dodgy pictures sent but I was surprised at men wanting to sext when they'd never met me and I have really awful profile photos so I can only assume they're really not that picky. I can't believe how things have changed in the last 20 years (but I am really enjoying the new technology with Mr R ).

@notmrscookie I wouldn't do gym / swimming on a first date but when I'm seeing someone I would love it. I don't see Mr R often enough and we still have lots of dates in restaurants. I think you start to get to know someone when you do the day to day stuff like gym/ watching TV/ shopping/ cooking together and because I haven't introduced Mr R to the dc we're not really able to do that.

@supercali77 what's possibly worse is that it surprised me you didn't think he'd be wanking live, so to speak.

I have a vague recollection at school of being told we could roll out and then cut a condom so it opens (so to speak) in order for it to act like a dental dam.....

May i ask what sort of ages are you all? I was with my STBX for 15 years so I feel ancient but I'm still of an age where some peers are only now getting married (for the first time).

The thought of sex with someone else after that long is more than a little twrrifying so to land headling into a conversation about STIs has given me a bit of a turn. I'd probably feel better about it if we'd been having unsatisfying boring married sex for years but our sex life was good. Varied and frequent and satisfying. I'm going to miss it as much as anything else that is now gone. Somehow the thought of a Wayne or a Lee (why are they all called Wayne or Lee? ) in his flatcap/footie strip/with scary woodsman beard is just not doing it for me. Where do you find the normal ones? The slightly dull, mumsnet-approved, won't make me feel like I've landed on an alien planet type men?

@DustMyselfOff I'm 36 tomorrow, was with my ex for 14 years, and lots of my old school friends are only just getting married and having kids. So I'm in the same boat. I've found some normal ones on Fab, but you have to be a bit brave and ruthless on there. All the men around here seem to be called Ben or Dave (3 of my irons are called Dave ).

Oh gosh, I didn't mean to cause havoc with my little metaphor. I'd blame Jimmy Carr for this...
I'm 40 and in the OLD word also use name Ben ROFL. Thinking about it I use that name in real word too, ppl find my real name difficult to pronounce...
15 likes since I signed up for OKC yesterday. Sitting on a fence with regards to paying the lovely fee- read some reviews and ppl are complaining about being overcharged and not being able to cancel. Has anyone any experience with this service?

Have to admit I'm sticking to free usage for now. I refuse to pay for more access to scary beards.

@CrazySnakeLady
Snap.

I pay for fab, it's only £5 for 50 days, I wouldn't pay for any of the apps though. I'm far too tight

@DustMyselfOff I am 30. Was with my ex from 22 to 29, divorce in process. Just waiting for decree nsi which I'm hoping will be by the end of the year. Would be lovely to get the absolute by my 31st in February. Looking at timescales it could be possible depending on the court backlog (pretty simple divorce).

I have one child who came to live with me in August, previously he lived with STBX because the only way for us to separate was for me to leave as I earn twice as much and worked in a different city (finances basically). I couldn't drop DS off at school in one town and make it to work in time.

STBX raped me middle of this year as I had gone round to see everyone and we had a chat upstairs whilst DS was downstairs. Unfortunately I had taken two really strong painkillers and basically passed out and woke up to well.....

He was utterly ashamed and has been depressed ever since, even more so since I basically took DS away from him. It sounds callous but given STBX has a bit of a pervy history (stole naked pictures from my best friend and a few other things) I decided it wasn't the sort of environment I wanted DS in and also I noticed that DS was wearing clothes a size too small, the house was filthy. I hadn't noticed before because I was clouded by a severe depressive cloud but remarkably once I was out of the house and relationship the cloud started to lift and I was able to see what was going on. So in August I moved to a lovely house in the city that I work in, DS and the dogs came to live with me and we're all really happy, its amazing how easy it is to clean the house and keep it tidy without him there.

STBX is doing my head in, he;s moping about (living with a friend), he keeps getting ghosted on Tinder and hes utterly depressed because of it. He tells me how much he misses DS but doesn't want to spend the fuel money coming to see him so sees him less than once a week. Tells me that he has his own life to live and it was my choice to take DS to another city but complains that he misses his son. I make the effort to arrange for him to come to see DS but part of me just feels like not making the effort. Problem is DS got upset the other day that he doesn't see his Daddy enough so I can't win.

ANYWAY The week before I moved to this city, I set up my tinder profile. Matched with a lot of guys, and I'm still unsure why I decided to meet Mr Cactus. I think its because he wasn't pushy and looked nerdy, also I have a thing about guys who are pretty in pictures - they make me insecure. Mr Cactus didn't look pretty...but he's really pretty in person. I'm seeing him on Sunday, and STBX is complaining that he's coming to my house and then I'm disappearing. Well I said to him, I'm still not really comfortable being around you after you hurt me. You violated me and you think I would want to be near you? Apparently that "hurt his feelings"......IDGAF

I told him, the alternative is I get a babysitter. I am happy to do that. But then you're not coming here to see DS. So make of that what you will. He said I promised we could have family meals, I said we're not a family and I promised that before you raped me so. Go figure. Mr Cactus makes me feel safe, you don't. STBX says he isn't jealous of my new relationship BUT I think he is gutted that I have found someone and he keeps getting ghosted.