Dating thread 170: Know your worth

[Ginmel]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you. 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread

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Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item. 😘

After a little break I decided to dip my toe in OLD again. Going through questions on OKC. Stuck on "Which would you rather be, normal or weird ? How to tackle this??? Oh, skip button. Some questions are really strange...

Thank you.
@WooMaWang I've got my fingers crossed for you now!

Oh my lord, these antibiotics are making me so tired. I’ve been off work for three days just sleeping even though the pains gone. Not too convinced at the colour of my wee... been having a probiotic drink but I think really I need to go to Holland and barter for some probiotic capsules

Messaged Mr Cactus a little last night, waited for him as per usual. I’m excited to see him on Sunday, I honestly don’t know if I want us to go out of if I just want to nap all day with him

Just want to thank everyone for their wise words on here. Either to help me or as advice and support for others.

My talk with Mr FO didn't go well last night when I tried to explain how I couldn't be friends any more with him.

But I kept the phrase 'know your worth' in my head and decided I don't have the mental strength to deal with him on top idiots on OLD and general crap in my life.

I'm having a break. Working on accepting that I'm likely to stay single forever. And just enjoying what I have in life.

Good luck to everyone.

@Sunshineandflipflops ah, that throws a different light on it. He's being very honest with you which can only be a good thing.

@Ant330 just to say I'm rooting for you

@ILoveFreckles yes, skip the naff/cringey stuff!!

@echoelephant Well done. It wil be my mantra too x

Mr G texted me earlier asking about food I like and timings for our next date and he's gone ahead and booked a lovely restaurant in his city. He seems lovely, stable, drama free and not ott with the texting. I don't feel anxious waiting for texts, or wondering about what he's thinking or anything which, I have to say, is a big change from fireman where I was analysing things and going between highs and lows according to his level of affection. I don't feel over-invested - feels just right for what it is. Can only be a good thing.

@SBD1 Antibiotics can change the colour too

@Ant330 Good luck, sounds like it was unavoidable (in a good way) and also that you’ll both give it a serious go.

@KhaleesiTargaryen Sounds really promising- fingers crossed !

@ILoveFreckles Hi, and yeah, very similar experiences to you.

Well in that case that explains the Orange wee despite drinking two litres a day!

Hi all. Just considering dipping my toes into the fetid waters of OLD after 15 years (eep) off the market.

Very much using it as a distraction currently, as opposed for hoping for that mystical HEA, but thoight somewhere to go to disciss and debatw the ins and outs might be good.

Have signed up to Bumble. My god but there's a depressing amount of dross out there. How hard is it to take a clear picture of your face and write maybe two lines about yourself? And what's eoth blokes snogging their dogs or permanently attached to some kind of alcohol. Do they thonk AT ALL of how they come off?

On the STI thing. Just found out that even if you always use protection for actual sex there is “oral chlamydia” I am awaiting my results having been accused of giving someone chlamydia via a blow job!

Even though I am 100 % sure (from regular screening and using condoms every time) I don’t have actual chlamydia apparently you can just get it in your throat and pass it (or catch it)

Do most people use condoms for oral? I feel so stupid

Ffs have a break from it all and now have to deal with this ☹️

Thanks to all for support and kind words, let's hope we will all get there eventually...

@DustMyselfOff you made me giggle. I remember my early days on bumble and believe me, regardless of which side you are on, most of it is total and utter crap. Lover your expectations, be open minded and set bullshit detection to MAX. Good luck.

Oh and ant no judgement from me. I will keep my fingers crossed for you and Miss H

And fingers crossed for wooma

@Marlboroandmalbec34 this is so sexy .
But all joking aside, it is a serious matter. And it managed to put me off sex for a long time. I think I got to the point where I could probably consider myself bit paranoid but if you tackle this pragmatically, whoever you slept with you also slept with x number of ppl who slept with x number of ppl (and so on), so essentially you are also sleeping with them yourself...

I know ilove it’s grim! I always use condoms and screen regular as I am paranoid

I had truly never heard of oral chlamydia though. They just don’t screen for it! Maybe I have it? Maybe I don’t? Maybe had it for years? Or he might have caught if from somewhere else!!

The thing is even if you and your partner get a full screening it’s not screened as standard so oral sex without barrier protection will always put you at risk (unless unlike me you know about it and request it as an addition screen for you and partner)

Waaaaah I’m gonna have a few days of worry now

@khalessi now that's the sign of a man who wants to meet you. Great news

@marlbs no I don't use condoms for oral

@echoElephant look after yourself and keep on knowing your worth

Welcome to the newcomers

ginmel did you know this was a thing? I am so worried!

Oral chlamydia isn’t as easily caught, you generally need an open sore in your mouth rather than just contact with the mucosal membranes.

If you do have it, try not to panic, it’s easily sorted with a few days of anti-bs. My nickname on the scene is kneel, I have never used a condom for oral and I have never caught anything, I’m sure if I got away with you’ll be fine too.

I imagine he has caught it from elsewhere but he has decided you’re an easy target to blame.

This "condoms" for oral puzzles me TBH. ok, you can put a rubber on a member but what about the twinkle cave? Only used condoms for oral as part of foreplay, so funny shapes, colours and so on but there isn't really anything female could use, is there?

Marlbs seriously never heard of that but wouldn’t over think it.

Honestly and this may not be a popular opinion, the problem with STIs isn’t the actual STI (unless it’s a biggie like HIV or Hepatitis), it’s the stigma. Most are antibiotics job done. Not advocating unsafe sex but when we get into the realms of condoms for oral we are seriously sucking any joy out of it (excuse the pun!).

Everyone has sex
Everyone carries something you just don’t know.
You don’t freak out and blame someone if they give you a cold/shingles/oral cold sore/hand and foot / name any other infectious virus.

We don’t walk round not hugging or snogging and warning everyone we once had chicken pox wearing hazmat suits!

ILove the Americans have “dental dams”

Basically like performing surgery you place a layer of latex over the area leaving just the vital bit uncovered (hopefully nothing lurking there!!).

I mean what could be more romantic and sexy??

And even then like with johnnys you can still get HPV and Herpes (which is why everyone has both more or less) and lots of other lovely stuff. For your reading pleasure...

www.healthline.com/health/healthy-sex/dental-dam#what-dont-they-protect-against

@What I'd disagree with you on this one. Not everyone carries something- just the unlucky or careless/ reckless.
And a sensible thing to do when you are sick is to cure it and not spread it. Be it flu, cold sore or anything else.

Thanks everyone. I know most STIs are easily sorted you’re right whatwhy it’s the stigma.

simon thank you. That’s what I’m hoping!

Anyway back to dating thread...

"Dental Dam" sounds too medical for me but good to know that someone thought of this.

So agree the Sti worry me .. I do carry one with me on date nights but being a female I do think its looks better if the man provides them due to preference on design etc.. Haven't yet had to chose a suitable thing to stop using them..

Views pls .on pof I have been chatting to an iron for a week..Haven't meet yet due to shifts..He likes his curves... However he haa sent me loads of whats app pictures of this huge weight loss and tattoo .His body torso is covered.. if i meet him in the pub i would not be intrested due to them .

However he is a lovely bloke to chat too.We were both cheated on .He has moved to where i live and are members of the same gym ..He has suggested a gym /swim date .... . He has lost 100 lbs and does 999 calls .. He knews my ex work mate.. Just worried because he is so confident.. He talked about previous dates snd said one lady asked why he would want to date her as she was big. He was offended that anyone would think that low of him.... Would u do a gym date?

Incorrect it’s not the unlucky careless or reckless, pretty much everyone sexually active carries HPV hence the vaccine as it causes no issues but can increase the risk of cervical cancer. 80% carry Herpes either orally or gentially or both, if you have had more than 2 sexual partners you have already been exposed protection or not.

Anyone with an oral cold sore can pass them, even if not active, to anyone they give oral too. Does anyone talk to anyone else about it? My kids get them, do I tell them when they are adults to warn every partner? It lies dormant so you wouldn’t know if you had it, hence clinics not testing for either of them.

The stigma is far worse than the infection.

Believe me I have spent way too much time in clinics learning this crap after I was raped. I guess I got “lucky” and was clean for everything apart from HSV. I do actually take suppressants daily so I can’t pass it on, against Drs advice I might add they feel its unnecessary, but I associate the trauma.

And also people thinking I am careless or reckless...