Dating thread 170: Know your worth

[Ginmel]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you. 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread

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Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item. 😘

@KhaleesiTargaryen Me too. That's why i suspended this torture for a bit. Maybe I'm a bit picky though. I read bios and don't swipe on bare bones profiles. Learned the hard way to avoid ppl with just one or two pics, or lots of overdone pics and especially pics in underwear, swimsuits- nice to look at but WTF. And finally, I don't poke anyone who clearly states they want children, purely because I do not understand how someone who claims to be so successful, happy, with lots of friends and so on has arrived at 40 and hadn't found someone special to have a start a family with. I think that this severely limits my options but I don't want to waste mine or anybody else time...

Morning all. So in a moment of idleness yesterday I spent a few minutes swiping. Got 3 matches - one was located far away, one we exchanged a couple of messages but then he stopped replying and the 3rd we seem to have hit it off. I'll call him Mr Local. turns out our kids are in the same school which freaked me out a little as I live in a small town where everyone knows everyone - but he actually lives a few miles away so I don't think we'll have any mutual friends. He's asked to meet up so I think we're planning coffee for Friday afternoon which seems nice and casual. I feel bad for MrBoat - but still haven't heard from him. If MrBoat gets in contact again I still want to pursue things with him - but Mr Local seems lovely too so not sure how things are going to go from here.

Oh and PS it would of been my wedding anniversary tomorrow so I'm looking for distractions!

@JeSuisPrest ‘We were on a break’ is all I could think of when I read @Ant330’s update too. 😂 Good luck with it @Ant330.

I’ve been trying to keep up with everyone. It’s definitely not easy.

On contraception/protection, I can’t remember how quickly we decided only my coil was sufficient. It’s been too long to have any idea. We both got tested and all was fine. However, the coil is no more (having been removed unexpectedly and with some urgency) and I’m still in the window waiting to find out about the consequences of that. MrSG has told me that he’ll be genuinely disappointed if I get a period. 😆

There is a 6 week wait for coil fitting appointments locally in our gloriously underfunded NHS. I told my friend about this (and the whole drama) and she told me that she can only get a replacement coil through gynaecology because her DH has had the snip. What a bloody waste of resources!

I've been wondering about you @woo!

I will let you all know when I have actual news.

I’ve come to the realisation that it won’t just be MrSG that’s disappointed if my first period in more than a decade decides to make an appearance. 😱

Oh dear Woo. You are in trouble now Fingers crossed for you no matter what

@Ginmel & @CocoKoko123 thank you. I do dip in and out of here reading sometimes as it can be helpful, though fasting moving so difficult to keep up sometimes Posting under this name about actual dating would make me feel more defined by it so if I did I’d revert to another regular name.

I will say though that the guy I’m seeing today for the second time has already deleted his match profile! Although nice in a way that he’s done so, it also shows that he’s perhaps more hopeful than I am

WooMaWang I’ll be worried too when I get the coil removed as although I’ll be into my 60s by then periods were pretty plentiful when I had it fitted - plus no hot flushes experienced.

@HIVpos The nurse who removed it asked me if I’d had any unprotected sex in the last week. Erm, yes. A lot, in fact. I couldn’t face the MAP with all the rest of it, so we’re waiting to see. It’s very weird when you realise that you’ve accidentally and kind of retrospectively been having unprotected sex for up to a week.

I clearly am in trouble now @Ginmel. 😂 Maybe it really will be booties and hats in the next year.

I should clarify the thing about Mr Ad telling me he's been asked out.

Part of his AA recovery is to live an honest life and he is very honest, which I like as it's a stark contrast to previous relationships. He told me a woman from his AA messaged him to ask him out as he found it funny as he barely knows her and he wanted to be honest. We do have a laugh together and something which I would usually find funny just touched a nerve due to my past experiences I guess.

We talked about it later and both apologised for our parts and he told me he's not interested in anyone else and hasn't been since we started chatting.

It’s great that you are able to talk about things @sunshineandflipflops. It’s completely understandable that it touched a nerve. I’d feel very weird if MrSG told me he’d been asked out and I have no past experience that would precipitate that. So it makes total sense that you’d react even more strongly.

I think there’s a difference between living ‘an honest life’ and having no filter/not thinking about the feelings of the person you’re telling your ‘truth’ too. I guess MrAd is still learning where the balance lies.

Yes, agreed @WooMaWang and I think he realises this now.

Can I suggest a new rule?

Review your social media privacy settings?

I've only chatted to a couple of guys on WA but I've been amazed how easy it is to then see them on FB for example. If your phone number is linked to your FB account - as soon as I save your No to my phone you come up as a suggested friend on FB. If you haven't got your privacy settings up to date you'd be amazed what you can see!! Of course there are those that would worry about secrecy but personally I think you need to get to know someone before finding out what they had for dinner on FB!! Or their political views or whatever.

Just a thought. :)

Oh And PPS - have finally had a little message from Mr Boat so maybe things may spark up again there when he gets home from his hols?? Still want to meet Mr Local but it's early days with him of course so may not go anywhere. This is why I was hesitant about multiple irons!!!!

I wouldn't make it one of the rules @iamthrough but I think it's something for us all to consider. My FB is pretty closed down and I have the phone number setting turned off in my settings. I always try and find someone on social media once I have their full name!!

I think review your SM privacy settings is a general rule for life. It amazes me how many people leave their FB open to the world and what they share on there.

Agree re social media

Can I say rule 11 annoys me? That shouldn't be need to be said.

My social settings are great but I’m in the press a lot, MrVictimBlamingWanker managed to send me photos of me from work trips abroad that I’ve never even seen! Including an article in Chinese, was the oddest feeling that he not only stalked but then TOLD me he’d stalked. Perhaps that’s another clue that he’d been a bad boy in the past...

@ginmel I agree it shouldn't need to be said but then you can say that about many of the rules. I think that one has been used on more than one occasion since I joined six months ago ie someone's asked about whether a behaviour is ok and they've been asked if they would like to be treated like that and referred to rule 11.

Thanks for the reminder on social media settings @iamthrough I hadn't checked mine for ages and they are generally quite tight but they change them so often it's good to look. Anyone who had my phone number - which is the guys I dated this year - could have found me on Facebook. I'm glad they were all normal / non-stalky type blokes but I could've been unlucky.

Okay @stealthninjamum

Would like it JeSuised to sound a bit more modern but not world ending suff

Stuff even

Ha maybe Je Suis can rewrite the rules (and throw in some jokes about plumbers, bean juice and men's erection worries!)

Great idea! And why women don't need to worry about wearing makeup in the morning 😂

How about adding ' use condoms until a comprehensive STI check has been carried out at least 3months after you/ your partner last had unprotected sex'

It's a bit wordy, but still...