Dating thread 170: Know your worth

[Ginmel]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you. 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread

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Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item. 😘

SBD1 yes yes to the Satisfyer Pro 2. Although I paid around £50 for mine from a shop.the one guy I met off fab had bought a new one that he tried out on me - had been considering a fwb set up with him but then got in touch with my now bf so didn't see him again after that night.so I went and bought one for myself!

Looks like the satisfier is a copy of the womaniser? Loved the old womaniser - the new version much less so

@cocokoko123 have pmed you a qn 😊

I have a new iron I'll call Mr Green. Meeting him on Thursday night for a drink

May bin Mr Bald. I don't know think we'll get along well enough

Marl I'm glad you're okay. I've got one of those satisfyer pro things and am less than impressed - we're all different! I don't get on with bullets either - TMI but they get too slippery when wet ...

@BatshitCrazyWoman have sent you a question. 😊

My favourite toy is the eroscillator. Expensive but worth it.

Struggling today. So much mental pain it's crippling me

@dustmyselfoff you're not alone here, we all understand, when ex left I couldn't eat or sleep for about two months I just feel sick and lightheaded. I distracted myself by going out more and taking up new hobbies, buying underwear, swimming and spent a small fortune. Once I processed what had happened and realised why we weren't compatible I stopped missing him. I had a bad few days this week as one of my dcs has had a few problems and I miss having a 'best friend' to talk to but I also know that any thoughts that he was my best friend in the last few years of our marriage are delusional, he had checked out a long time before. Do you have someone in real life you can talk to or cuddle?

To be dating three weeks after the unexpected break up of a 15 year marriage seems quite soon @dustmyselfoff its no surprise you are struggling. Maybe you should take some time to heal and recover first?

I'm a big believer in the saying you attract what you project. If your head and heart are understandably in the wrong place, I hope you aren't vulnerable...

Thanks to the PP for the advice.

I think I want to play it cool because I am worried that I am texting HIM a bit much! I have been out of the dating game for ages, so have no idea how often it is normal to text etc.

I have been lovebombed in the past and I think that's warped my perception of what is normal. This doesn't feel like lovebombing. It feels.....healthy I suppose. But I am not used to that.

He messages me in the morning and at night, but he has a really busy life (which I like about him) and doesn't seem as needy as previous blokes I have known.

We do really like each other, have loads in common and the same attitude about kids etc (we both have them and think we should go slow). I just need to know what normal is I guess.

@saltysally the old stuff is just a distraction really. I haven't got closer to meeting up with anyone but i just don't know what to do with myself or how to contemplate the future. And yes. I miss my 'best friend'.

Okay @dustmyselfoff just be careful out there.

Thank you. I've thought i was ok this week but the weekends are harder by far

@dustmyselfoff it is so hard, I really feel for you. If you're lo

I’m not looking forward to this date. My instincts are just saying no.

I need to woman up and cancel...

Agh clicked send too soon.

I was going to say if you're looking for a distraction have you tried any meetup groups? I went to a few and it was nice to feel like a new person without baggage. All my friends felt sorry for me and letvme slag off ex but I wanted to be a new, happy person. I didn't go to enough meet ups to make new friends bu

My bloody phone.... I was going to say I didn't go to enough meet ups to make new friends but it was a nice distraction.

to @DustMyselfOff

@KhaleesiTargaryen I can't remember the background but trust your instincts.

@KhaleesiTargaryen Cancel if you aren’t feeling it, no point making yourself do something you don’t want to do.

@stealthninjamum he’d matched with a friend, arranged a night to meet and then ghosted her (all in about 20 mins). Of course, multi-dating might be his thing, and obvs he didn’t go through with it.
He was playing games a bit this week too, I think trying to make me insecure about him/us.

Thanks @SimonJT I’ve just cancelled

Sorry I had forgotten that. If he was playing games you did the right thing.

@DustMyselfOff I'm sure most can sympathise with your situation regarding missing your best friend, my ex said the same to me when we were separating and I'd agree. I didn't want to be married anymore, but I didn't dislike her and still cared, I just wasn't in love anymore.
I didn't date for about 6 or 7 months, and in all honesty our marriage had been dead for 12 months plus before I said so, so I could easily have thrown myself straight in.
But I took those 6 months to get myself in a good place, both mentally and physically, and did stuff that I just hadn't had time for or that my ex would have frowned upon.
But all of that meant that when I started OLD I was happy, I enjoy my own company, spend lots of time with friends, and live a busy enjoyable life, so I don't need a GF to make me happy she just adds something extra to what was already good.
You've got time now to focus on you (around the kids if you've got them) don't throw yourself back into the dating scene too soon, enjoy yourself without a man to worry about, honestly I think it will do you the world of good. What are the things you've held off doing for the last 15 years?
Remember you do not need a man to make you happy 😉
Besides OLD can be brutal as reading this thread will tell you, you need to be happy and mentally strong to even start imo.

Khaleesi good call if he's started playing games, that won't help you forget him ghosting your friend. Next... 😂

Counting down the hours til he turns up blaaaaah

Absolutely @ant330 ! Trying to assert better standards, boundaries and following my gut!

Loved your advice to dustmyself too. Resonates with me as well.