Dating thread 170: Know your worth

[Ginmel]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you. 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread

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Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item. 😘

Ant - I'm pretty expert in using my hands and don't use toys. I'd expect a partner to learn how to use his hands on me tbh. I've got a fair few ways of pleasing myself with my hands, which are a lot more sensitive and pleasurable than a toy. I think I might worry my partner would be lazy if he pulled out toys. But then I've never had that happen.

@Ant330 there's no way I would use a toy that someone else used. If there was talk of a toy and new one yes but a second hand one

Sorry should have said my assumption was that certain items should definitely be new by the way, it was more of a bloke with sex toys, good or bad?
I also think that toy buying is a fun thing to do together so wouldn't necessarily just replace anyway.

Aww @DustMyselfOff I'm so sorry. Sending you love. I'd send lube if I could 😉

I agree @Ant330 I've got my own toys and those are the only ones I'd allow to be used on me.

Sorry cross post @Ant330 I love using and buys together with a guy. It wouldn't bother me if a guy had toys. Not at all! But those that had been used on other women I wouldn't use.

I have quite niche tastes. If found a chap whose tastes matched i would hope and expect him to be relatively well stocked. But any intimate toys would have to be mine

@DustMyselfOff That is shit, i'm sorry you had to go through that.

@SBD1 Have you told him that? I find it difficult to O with a new man the first 1 or 2 times we sleep together because i'm not totally relaxed around them and I also find most men are a bit too rough - maybe i'm over sensitive so I have to show them what works. Pressure doesn't help of course. IT might be worth - showing Mr C what you do - your operating manual. Maybe a massage first, help you relax

I think women are a bit trickier as we are all so different. Whereas generally speaking the same things tend to work for men (maybe I'm just crap in bed?!)

And it depends how much they want to spend some time and effort to get to know you that way...

Good to see most is doing OK.
Spoke with Miss Carealot on Saturday- she dropped a bombshell- she's in LTR so bit gutted but happy that she's happy. Subsequently signed up for a month worth of OKCupid and I think platform itself is OK but ppl. Jezz. Some of you admitted swiping right for shits and giggles- i think this is totally uncool.
If you do not intend to talk to someone then just swipe left! I'm always astounded but the variety of women clicking like- from meh to really good looking ones and ones I probably wouldn't know what to do with LOL. Eventually found someone who seemed interesting in kind of normal looking ( you ladies moan about men taking pics in the bathroom yet 70% of ppl I looked at had a bathroom, hot tub, swimming costume photo in their profile), lets call her Miss Toofar and we have been chatting everyday since Sunday and yesterday we agreed we should meet in RL. So far so good but late last night she send me a weird message basically saying that we live too far apart- an hour on the Central line door to door. I responded that it's up to her- I'm happy to meet and we can worry about the distance when the time comes. I'm trying to be understanding- she has a toddler but...
All OLD services allow users to enter accurate location, I'm so annoyed when ppl say London and then it turns out they are in Ealing Broadway, Bexley, Barnet and so on. To all of those- No, you are not in London...
End of the edited version of my moan (my friend paused me and had to finish somewhere) I know it will not harm anyone here and will make me feel a bit better. I felt crap this morning- I don't think I've wasted a week chatting with her but would have preferred her ending this sooner.

@supercali77 thing is I'm not unrelaxed as such, I'm also getting used to him as well. I'm also not particularly confident unless I'm laying on my back hahahaha

Thanks for the feedback, thinking about it more on my drive to work even if you have non-intimate items and/or brand new intimate items is there an automatic association to previous partners or the thought you may have bought them to use with an ex?
We're all adults and know that our partners have a sexual past, but does that same attitude extend to toys.
I think if I end up in the position again (fingers crossed I don't) then it's probably best to have a clear out and start again with somebody new if appropriate.

@Ant330 I would suggest buying stuff together. I get a buzz out of doing that. Even if just online and then when they get delivered it's even better. Because the build up of using them has... well let's say been discussed.

@ILoveFreckles maybe she just changed her mind and decided it wasn't worth the distance. Tbh if you come across the way you do on here, I'm not surprised.

@ant330 anticipation of buying stuff together is worth it

@ILoveFreckles I understand what you mean, an hour is quite a distance. I'm a 20 minute drive from Mr Cactus which I'm perfectly happy with

@lifegoes How do I come across here? Disappointed and annoyed? If so, that's exactly how I feel right now.

@SBD1 I'm sure most would prefer to live withing walking distance (me included) but in London one needs to be realistic. If I narrow down the search criteria to 5 miles there is no one, 10 miles ditto, 15 miles 6 matches.

@ilovefreckles I actually don't put a small search criteria on, probably because I work for a train company so travel across the UK quite a bit for free. I often work in London at a main transport hub so distance hasn't really been an issue for me, London's about 2 hours away despite being at the other end of the country. However if she has a toddler I do understand why she might not want to travel an hour, and the thing is sometimes its not until we're just about to meet that we realise its impractical for our situation. Of course you're allowed to be annoyed as long as you've bowed out gracefully :)

My Tinder explodes when I get into London, its hilarious

@SBD1 Yes, bowing and everything. I told her that I didn't expect her to travel to me but she sort of decided it will be too far for me to travel to her...
Similar thing was happening to me on bumble, as soon as I was 20 miles away from London mobile would go ping ping ping.

@ILoveFreckles Entitled

@ILoveFreckles it's not just your post today. aren't you the one who posted someone's bio on here, referred to women as birds. OLD is a nightmare, but the truth is people are allowed to change their minds. You haven't had a date, but it's a learning curve. An hour travelling in London is nothing, so that tells me it's a change of mind. ESP if you matched anyway based on her settings on location

I think he said English wasn't his first language or bird was a common way to refer to women where he is from? I'm not excusing it just wondering whether just needs a bit of education ;)

@SBD1 doesn't make any difference. He seems perfectly good at expressing himself on here. Posting someone's bio and then acting all "entitled" isnt my idea of a man I would want to date.

So if he comes across like that on here, I imagine that's exactly how he comes across to other women on OLD.

To be fair, I didn't see the post about someones bio and I wouldn't share someone else's bio but hey, that's because I'm a Data Protection Officer and am funny about privacy rights!

@SBD1 The language comprehension seems perfectly fine to me - colloquialisms like 'bit gutted' etc suggest a pretty good grasp. re: 'Bird'. When in Rome...

My ex once called me "woman" - I don't think I could have cranked my neck at anymore of an angle than I did in response

@SBD1 woman doesn't really bother me. Although I despise girl.