Dating thread 170: Know your worth

[Ginmel]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you. 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread

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Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item. 😘

@MoreNiceCereal i totally get this.

@lifegoes I'm doing that thing that people hate... I will sometimes swipe but then decide I'm not interested enough to chat and let it expire or unmatched There is one guy I was chatting to but I've pretty much told him I don't think it's got legs.

@KhaleesiTargaryen I wouldn't worry I've done that. I think we all do. That's exactly what he could have done.

But yes, go on your date and trust your instincts. Let me know how it goes x

I think we all do that. Match but then start talking to 1 or 2 we're most interested in and the others lapse or the convo gets dry. It's all normal.

Unless you have decided to be exclusive I personally don’t think he is doing anything wrong. I had a FWB for the first 9 weeks with MrNN, he wasn’t actively dating, but he was pulling on nights out until it became exclusive.

If you’re uncomfortable with it and you’re not swiping then you need to tell him.

Tbf i have multi dated. It's just knowing what he said that would bug me. But you wouldn't know if it hadn't been your friend.

Khaleesi - ya know in the spirit of openness maybe after this date if you still feel ok about him....you could next time drop it in as a joke. Because OLD is fecking awkward and a small world in certain areas. He may explain. He may also feel awkward af. I mean who knows. Maybe others would say it's best to drop it and see how it progresses

OLD is definitely small in my area - my former fwb matched with my friend a few months before we matched. Was funny when we figured it out - my friend and I very much have the same tastes.

It's just knowing what he said that would bug me Yes. But he said the same to me, maybe referring to the same date or maybe that's just his line...?

We've had 2 dates and the chemistry is definitely there He's certainly been very proactive in the texting the past couple of days so I'm going to take that at face value and just register the other stuff.

We haven't said anything at all in terms of exclusive - far too early imo. It won't be going to the next stage until that chat takes place though.

Good plan @KhaleesiTargaryen

@KhaleesiTargaryen I agree good plan. Oxytocin is a frigging nuisance

Last night I got myself off using a handy gadget i bought myself that arrived that day. Then promptly burst into tears because it just felt so meaningless and sordid without a human connection and i missed my husband. I miss my husband. The one i thought i had not the one i really had. Fucksake.

Oh. And i think he took the lube when he left (presumably to prevent friction burns on his palm) which would have been fine if i knew because i could have ordered some to arrive with the toys. But i didn't, so i didn't. Arsehole.

@DustMyselfOff damn him taking the lube!

I cringed when Mr Cactus said I’d made him a little tender and he said he’s love some lube, I whipped out this like pump dispenser, as big as large hand soap one. LOL

Admittedly it was quite nice, never used lube before actually. And then he said he wanted to use a toy on me and I panicked as he’s not going anywhere near the expensive motherflipper so now ive got to buy something new and I don’t know where to start

@DustMyselfOff bastard! Sorry...I also find O can being up some unusual responses at times...I cried after it on one of my first dtd after me and my dds dad separated. I dont think I saw why you 2 separated?

@SBD1 I'm curious how the expensive thing may be breakable? For cheapo - bullets are easy, small, reliable and 15 quid or under

Mr gardener asked me out again. I'm going...I'm too curious about him despite thinking theres probably nothing romantic there

New iron. Hes a very very tall PT with a nice face and gold chat. After the last few weeks I cant help but feel....what's the catch? Also my exercise is walking to the kettle atm. Meeting Sunday. If I did stomach crunches every day .....?

@DustMyselfOff I used to have that after splitting from a LTR. Most annoying.

@supercali77 new iron sounds good. And yay to a second date. 👍

While you're on the subject of toys, a question if you don't mind...
While I've been with MissH I've bought a few toys for us, and I did wonder when we split and I started dating again what other women's reaction would be to me having a draw of toys in the bedroom. Don't get me wrong I wasn't planning to whip something out the first time dtd but if somebody mentioned using toys and I'd already got a few, would the reaction be woohoo or wtf?
Worth adding that there's nothing in the drawer that's likely to scare anybody 😂
It's not relevant to me atm, but I did wonder.

@supercali77 he told me he didn't live me. Loved someone else. Basically an EA with a colleague. After 15 years together and 2 kids. Potted history.
It's still quite fresh tbh

Going indoor climbing with a new iron on Monday night. Although I really do want a climbing buddy (he climbs outdoors and indoors) I'm a bit nervous about it being our first date. I'll probably buy some new workout clothes - not my usual first date attire. 😬😬

I've had some emotional O moments since leaving my ex, as well. Sometimes sad, sometimes "fuck you my life is better now". I prefer being with another person, too, but I also like not depending on someone either. It's complicated for most of us, I guess.

@Ant330 could go either way tbh. Not sure I'd be comfortable with another woman's toys (esp an ex) being used on me. Bit ick.
If you produced a new one that would be ok

Ant I would not be interested in using someone else's. At all. I've use my own with a previous partner but I'm not sure I'd do it again. Not sure if that answers anything for you!

Give yourself all the time you need, Dust. That sounds really hard.

@supercali77 £70? greedy gal or girl think it’s called. It’s not that it’s breakable it’s that it’s a bit intimidating hahaha and I don’t want him to use it on me. I had a good wand from love honey that broke and the new smaller one takes me forever but not sure why. I actually have never orgasmed with someone before (true story) so I’m already feeling the pressure

@Ant330 honestly, if it’s going to be stuck inside it’s a no go. Can you catch things from toys? Serious question!

Supercali I think Mr Gardener sounded really nice, actually! Be interested to hear how the date goes.

Dustmyselfoff I hear you. I feel the same about my Ex. It was very hard to realise the person I have loved all those years wasn't the person I was married too. Bit different in that I spent many years married to him explaining away what he was showing me about his real self as 'aberrations' until I couldn't pretend anymore. It sucks. It really does.

A new guy has turned up to a hobby I started a few months ago. I chatted to him at the class. He said he took it up as his mid-life crisis. Which is the same as me! Think I am going to try to find out more about him, if he is single etc and see if there is any potential.

Khalees be interested to hear how your date goes!

Aw sorry @DustMyselfOff that sounds tough. And so horrible when we can't even get ourselves off without being emotional.

I agree @Ant330 I don't want second hand toys being used on me.