Dating thread 170: Know your worth

[Ginmel]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you. 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread

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Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item. 😘

Well I can't be sure he's found it...it was delivered to a safe place but I know there are no safe places at his. Also, Amazon keep forgetting to put my gift messages on, I don't know why. So he might not know its from me. But its weird because I asked him what else he got and he just mentioned his mum, you'd expect him to at least mention mystery package. I'll find out on Friday, hoping the delivery man didn't leave it in the pouring rain.

Well I HAD a history of infections from 18 to 20. And then none to 30, so maybe that's something to do with it? I'm on 200mg of trimethoprim for three days. Which might be stronger than the stuff I had before? He changed the antibiotic but I think I was on 50mg of nitrofurantoin before. I don't know what the difference is tbh

@saltysam I'm 30 he is 32. We're very similar in how childish we are sometimes.....

@SBD1 at that point I think I'd have said that he should have had another parcel from amazon. Fair enough if he's not found it but surely you'd want to know it's safe. And then you know if he was being rude or not.

Oh I do want to know but we’re both stubborn. I’ll probably give in later.

Although I did just ask if we could see Joker in two weeks and forgot to mention the parcel. I’ll get hold of him after he’s taught his class at 9pm

Anyone know if taking a probiotic whilst on antibiotics is a waste of time? Guessing I should wait till I’m done

He may be ondering if you sent him a present then

I'm not sure what's stubborn about checking something you sent arrived @SBD1

Probiotics are recommended whilst on antibiotics for your gut. Or they were the last time I took them.

@SBD1 I'm very unlikely to have sent a parcel to someone if I was seeing them shortly after their birthday. So he may not have been looking out for it.

@Notcoolmum Well I actually felt really weird about sending him a present because he said he doesn't really place much value on his birthday and I didn't want to be really girlfriendy....but that was just me being weird!

I hate people saying thank you for presents for an odd reason so I tend to just throw them at them and tell them to open them when I'm not there. And I know he'd have refused to do that, he'd have opened them in front of me and I just cannot deal with it. According to the counselor, I have a very deep seated fear of rejection that basically extends to all parts of my life including the fear of someone rejecting a present!

I also wanted it to be a surprise, I've just got this horrible feeling that amazon didn't put my happy birthday message on. Going to message him after work rather than sitting ruminating on it like a silly woman. All this faff!

@SBD1 yes take charge and ask. I hate both giving and receiving presents in person. Even though I love choosing presents. And I like getting presents. I hate the seeing someone's reaction and having to react for others. Hate it.

Even if the card wasn't there, wouldn't that make him say. 'I received a random parcel today. Was it off you by any chance??'

Everyone has a fear of rejection. It's a normal fear to have

Just went to message him

He beat me to it

"Did you by any chance send me xxxx"

"hahahahahahahahahahahahahha.

Yes"

Argh... Not sure what to do about this...

A friend of mine matched with a guy the other night, chatted for about 10 mins and she asked to meet at the weekend. He agreed. Also said he wasn't looking for a relationship (neither is she) and that he'd had a couple of dates but didn't click with them. He then must have unmatched her as he disappeared.

It's Mr G...

I get that after a couple of dates he's still swiping but not sure how I feel about this what do you think? We have a date lined up for the weekend.

@KhaleesiTargaryen this exact thing happened to someone else. Can't think who. It would weird me out I think. I'd hate to be described as a 'didn't click'. How do you feel?

Exactly. The thing is he's been messaging the exact opposite to me saying he feels amazing chemistry and he thinks I'm really attractive and looking forward to our dates.

So he did get it 🙄. Why didn't he say yesterday then?

@KhaleesiTargaryen oh no that's a bit shit. ESP as it was your friend. It's a strange one, because if it wasn't your friend you wouldn't know. And yes I guess after a few dates he can still date others. The part about him saying "he'd had a few dates and hadn't clicked" I wouldn't worry so much about as he's not going to say he's currently dating someone. Or it's going well.

But. But. I would say he's still actively looking. And you need to weigh up how you feel about that?

I'm the type of person that would make a joke about it on the date. Maybe.. I see you matched with my friend the other day.

Refresh my memory, how long have you been talking to Mr G? How many dates etc?

@lifegoes I mean he was out all day with his mum so maybe opened it late last night.

He's said "didn't take the brain of Britain to work out it was you"
and
"Thank you, I'll cook you dinner from the book"

He knew it was me because I sent him a vegetarian cookbook and I prefer to eat vegetarian food.

@SBD1 I see!!

@lifegoes This is the thing. Do we expect irons to disengage completely with swiping? Its been a few weeks of chatting and 2 dates.

Could he have matched, chatted and then thought, no - I'll see how things go with Khaleesi and that's why he's unmatched?

At this stage I'm not expecting commitment obvs, but I don't want to feel like I'll do for now either.

See I personally hate the idea of someone still looking, but I think that's because I often emotionally engage too early (as the rules state, we shouldn't do that).

I think you could ask him how he feels about dating other people whilst dating you, I don't know if I would tell him you knew he had arranged a date with someone else? What do the others think, thread lovelies? I'm in two minds, at the end of the day you didn't go hunting for information as it was a friend who said, btw I matched with this dude and you discover its the same person. At the same time I guess he does have the right to continue dating, especially if its not been that long.

If Mr Cactus started dating someone else now, at 8 weeks in I'd not be okay with it and I would end "us" based on that, especially as we've established "we're a thing" and aren't seeing anyone else. We didn't have an exclusivity talk because its far too early but we have established that we're only seeing each other.

@KhaleesiTargaryen exactly That's a really good point. Some even swipe still to stop themselves over-investing early on. We all often recommend it on here.
The plus side is, he's cancelled it. You will never know unless you asked him. And then in that's quite an awkward convo to have early on

I would still go on your date. Just chalk it up. But don't forget it.

@KhaleesiTargaryen yeah he unmatched her so if shed asked for the date and he said yes then was poss just the polite thing he was doing and ultimately realised he cant possibly go on it if hes seeing you. Like lifegoes I wouldn't put too much stock in the no chem thing as he wont say that to someone. I think a lot of people doing OLD get burned by ghostings. Flaking. He doesnt know if you'll do that yet and hes clearly not the 'leap of faith' type so may just be matching and chatting so hes not left ironless. That said... if you're not doing the same maybe needs to be a convo?

Also @KhaleesiTargaryen are you still swiping?

I don't think he's done anything wrong, but maybe my opinion isn't worth much. I suspect Mr Goatee is more emotionally invested than me, and although I do think he's lovely, I'm still seeing Mr HK and don't plan to stop. I've spent about 5-6 hours in Mr Goatee's presence. It was a good few hours, but I don't intend to stop chatting with irons while he's living his life in another country.

Thanks, that's kind of my line of thinking. Chalk it up but keep it dry for now.

She'd said this weekend and he suggested the night we're NOT seeing each other, then a few hours later he'd gone. He'd texted me first thing the next morning a lovely text.

It's only been 2 dates He seems keen enough but this has made me think. Think I'll go on this date and see what my instincts tell me. Might jus ask how the apps are going if he's still on them and see what he says.