Dating thread 170: Know your worth

[Ginmel]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you. 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread

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Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item. 😘

Good call there @khalessi definitely a possible red flag

I went back on fab to talk to an iron I was still thinking about. Am going to call him Mr Lovely Hairy Chest

@ginmel do you think fab is a good site for potential relationships or is is mainly casual hookups? I’m a bit intrigued by it but not sure..

@KhaleesiTargaryen I think batshit met her fella on there?

No I really wouldn't recommend fab for potential relationships. Even what I want which is as exclusive FWB is rare on there

Yep the lovely @bats met Mr bc on there. Think that was fate.

Khaleesi Um, no I don't think Dancing Man is push-pull. Apart from that one comment, that he apologised for and said he hadn't meant it to be upsetting, he is consistently really encouraging and complimentary and pleasant. Woke up to find another text from him being really nice and congratulatory about my new job. I think he can be a bit intense about all the connection stuff - probably because of his abusive childhood. Though having said that he can be really light and funny and kind too.
I think he probably didn't mean badly when he was asking me about all the crap things in my life. If I had said, I don't like this - stop - I am sure he would have. If I had said, I feel upset by this, I need a hug, I would have got one, but I didn't say that because I don't know him well enough to want to be comforted like that. Maybe he thought he was helping me by giving me a chance to talk about it. Maybe this was part of his 'auditioning' of me as potential partner. Who knows!
Tbh I can't make him out at all. I've never met anyone quite like him. I still don't know if he has any sexual interest in me at all! I do think its probably a non -starter if I am already feeling this unsure about it. Would be nice to be friends though, as he can be very kind.

Oh well, speed dating here I come!

As for the FB thing, yes I would welcome such an arrangement, but if I am honest with myself I would really like a proper full, in-love-with- each-other relationship with someone. That seems a far dream given my circumstances though!

Definitely a case of being in the right place at the right time for me and Mr BC on Fab! One benefit of getting into a relationship with someone you meet on there is that you'll probably be on the same page sexually.

But when I met him I was on other sites looking for a relationship, I wasn't on Fab for that!

@UnimpressorOfCocks dancing man seems such hard work. And not at all emotionally intelligent. I would park him in the friend box. At least for now.

@KhaleesiTargaryen FaB isn't for the faint hearted. I think batshit was just very lucky!

Feeling a bit sad today. Mr S getting back in touch has awoken all sorts of feelings. Mainly sadness and regret that things didn't work out. With a strong side of loneliness.

@UnimpressorOfCocks have you asked him outright where he’s at? “Are you interested in me as a romantic partner”

Not in those words as such

So canal boat mans girlfreind got back to me with some help from freinds. She hadn't seen her messages. She thanked me and I sent some screenshots. I didnt send the filthy ones....but said i had more if she wanted it. She didnt ask. Just thanked me for letting her know.

I'd blocked him on everything but not ig. He got in touch to say he was never really going to meet me for sex (eyeroll) it was just fun. And what kind of psycho bitch tells a mans girlfreind. Also apparently karma will come and get me. Bring it on you little bitch

@supercali77 I'm sure karma will come knocking. But for the cheating lying sumbag. Not the strong woman who evoked girl code and let the gf know what she was dealing with. Funny how being honest and having a moral compass = psycho bitch!

@Notcoolmum yeah hes entirely missed the bit where he was on bumble. Where he asked to meet. Where he sent dick pics. Where when I blocked him he followed it up back on bumble to see if I was still going to meet. Etc. Pathetic

supercali Canal boat man just gets funnier and funnier! What a standard, stereotype of a response from him. He's such a loser. Blaming you for calling him out on his lying cheating behaviour! Grow up man - you played and you lost. That's on you. His girlfriend on the other hand sounds remarkably mature and together. She totally deserves better. It was definitely the right thing to tell her.

Notcoolmum sorry you are feeling like that . I completely and utterly get where you are coming from. The sense of loneliness can be a real killer.

I don't know if Dancing man is emotionally unintelligent. He certainly tries to be. He has got recognition at work for what he has done in centring and building positive relationships with the people they work with. I think maybe I am not enough on the same page with him though, I'm a bit more guarded, I think, than him. Oh I don't know. He is hard to make out.

SBD1 No, I haven't asked. Partly because as my own feelings have cooled and got more uncertain, I am not sure I want to hear the answer if it is that he wants a relationship. Think I am happy to let things drift into friendship. I'm seeing him Friday anyway at a dancing thing we are both going to. Its not a date.

sorry, that should have said 'he certainly tries to be emotionally intelligent'

Thanks @UnimpressorOfCocks I had wanted to hear from him so much. Wanted him to want me back. And now he has. And does. But on the same limited terms so it's a non started.

He may try to be emotionally intelligent. He may see himself as emotionally intelligent. Bit that means seeing things from other people's perspectives. Meeting their emotional needs. Picking up on their queues. Not blindingly pushing your agenda and your truth onto others.

I actually think as he sees himself as aware emotionally he's more dangerous to you right now.

Notcoolmum sorry to hear you're feeling down What did MrS want? Did you meet up or just speak on the phone?

Sorry cross post!

We met up @Ant330 he misses me. Wants us to be in each other's lives. Would like to go back to where we left off. Time had passed quickly for him. He'd been in a bad place but had come through that. But no acknowledgement of what he's out me through or a sense that things would be different. So unless that comes it's a big fat no to me. And even then it could only be a maybe. I'm not the same woman he dumped 4 months ago. I've had to work on myself in that time.

@Notcoolmum I think I've missed a fair bit but I think Your Mr S was my Mr SAS so i'm sorry he has come back into your life to upset you all over again.

I don't have any words of wisdom but all I can say is that the right person won't make you feel like this and you should never have to beg for the love you deserve.

Thanks @Sunshineandflipflops
There were certainly similarities in that he was emotional unavailable. But that wasn't always apparent and he was very physically and practically available. I wouldn't beg anyone for anything. But I don't feel that he made me an offer serious enough to consider. I have been sad as we had such an easy and natural connection. Perhaps we were right people, wrong time. Or maybe I'm romanticising.

I would watch out for the return of Mr SAS though. I truly believe now that they always come back!!

@Notcoolmum I really don't think Mr SAS will be back and he can try all he likes but I have met someone who blows him out of the water.

I personally don't believe in right person wrong time. I think if it's the right person then there won't be a wrong time...you will find a way to make it work. I do believe though that there can be more than one 'right in some ways' person or 'right for now' people.

Oh I was CERTAIN Mr S wouldn't come back, so I wouldn't be too sure. Although his impact on you would be pretty minimal right now. Whilst I am seeing someone else, I'm not in the place to move into anything serious with anything else. I had very strong feelings for Mr S which won't go away over night. Only time and self reflection will do that.

Notcool if nothing has changed other than he misses you, then that's pretty selfish to get back in touch knowing he's already upset you once.
I am aware of the irony as I've let somebody do the same to me 😉 doesn't mean I don't agree with the advice I was given.

Haha @Ant330!! I assume you felt Miss H had learnt something from your time apart and that there was something worth saving? After 6 months together and 4 months apart I'd hope Mr S had a clear view of what he wants from and can offer to me. But that hasn't been forthcoming. I'm not going for a no deal Brexit!! 😂

😂😂 I don't blame you notcool!
Yes exactly that, it's early days but so far so good.