Dating thread 170: Know your worth

[Ginmel]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you. 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread

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Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item. 😘

i'm seeing dating more as an experiment in human nature at this point

Same. Saaaaame

Glad to hear that @lifegoes just dont let go with the attitude it is not going to happen if you know what I mean

@MoreNiceCereal We're all swapping notes here haha

Yeah I do know what you mean. I'm trying @Ginmel thank you though xx

Been absent for a few days as I had to drive my brother to university and then didn't feel well on Saturday night because I'm an idiot and forgot i can't drink on antibiotics and had a gin and tonic.

So. Sunday, I pick up my ex from the train station, drive him back to my house drop him and DS off. Then I drive to Mr Cactus's and I'm super excited because I haven't seen him in ages. I get a kiss and a cuddle and then we watch tv, play games for a few hours. And I ask what we're having for lunch and he says...

"Well I know you find it easier to eat vegetables so I wanted to make you something you could eat so I'm roasting a butternut squash"

Honestly my heart fluttered. It was so thoughtful. Then he brought in this big plate of roast ButterNut Squash slices with a dressing and coriander pesto and it was so good and I was trying not to go all gooey eyed at him but it was really hard. Then we played some more games and then I decided I needed a nap so I went to lie down upstairs. And one thing led to another AND IVE GOT ANOTHER BLOODY UTI

So I'm downing water, I also am drinking cystitis relief stuff and I have read that D-Mannose is really good so I waddled to Holland and Barrett, shelled out £20 (WHAAAT) for tablets, I have to take 4???

But then ordered cheaper ones off amazon. They have been shown to help so if I take them as a preventative.

I was burning this morning, I'm alright at the moment and I'm going to flush the buggers out.

I had a conversation with my mum and she's like, why does he keep giving you UTIs. Because...he has...a big....penis.

@SBD1 I cannot repeat this enough. You CAN NOT get a UTI from a big penis.

@SBD1 IT's true, the sex alone can't keep repeatedly causing it - lifegoes can probably extrapolate more - but from what I can gather it's existing bacterial issues that cause it. The act of sex can push them upwards and therefore cause problems....if I were you i'd go and get that checked out.

Also i'd say that if you're still taking Anti b's for an infection then sex isn't going to be helpful until you're completely clear.

I would also be concerned that you are on antibiotics for an existing kidney infection but yet within 24 hours have contracted another UTI before the other has cleared up. This isn't even thrush it's a full UTI by your description.

I say this with the goodness of my heart and my professional opinion. Please go and get this checked out. Because something is NOT right with either you or him. @SBD1 and stop having unprotected sex until this cleared up.

An unsolicited promise is not a guarantee of anything, it's a way to convince you of something.

So true ! We live, we learn.

Oh I finished antibiotics already.

Okay so the reason I’m blaming the big penis is because...I only ever get utis when I sleep with someone with a big penis. Three people have had a smallish willy and I didn’t get utis with them. I also read that if ones penis is bigger it’s more likely to irritate the urethra meaning bacteria finds it easier to get ahold? And I have been trying all morning to get an appointment but couldn’t even get a telephone appointment.

I was one of those children who refused to wee when I was younger, I’d hold it and hold it and hold it. When I went to the doctor a few years ago he said sometimes that behaviour as a child has a lasting effect? I’ll keep trying but I’m hoping this d mannose works

So as a GP @SBD1 I'm confirming to you a big penis will NOT give you a UTI.

If there is Infection or bacteria already there, then yes this can push it up causing the issue. But to be on antibiotics for this already. (IE they will be in system) And you said you were unwell from them on Saturday night after one drink (so assuming you finished them all on Saturday) another UTI so soon is a concern.

Any issues from childhood and peeing etc could have caused long term damage but only a scan would determine that. And you would suffer from UTI's all the time and not just from sex.

A good % of people can obtain a UTI and flush it out. Without the need of antibiotics. You may just need stronger antibiotics, you may need to look and see if it's A UTI or something else.

SBD1 - does Mr Cactus know having sex is giving you UTIs? If so, I would hope he would lay off till you are better.

Following with interest the ' should I just give up on dating altogether and be happy being single discussion' . I think I would like to settle down to being happy being single, just not sure I could do that at the moment. I really want someone to be close to. Think I have a lot of work to do though, on asserting my right to be me, in a relationship.

On that, text exchange with Dancing Man again last night and he was again really lovely and supportive and encouraging. At one stage he said something that was a bit off and I challenged him on it and he apologised unreservedly. He said he had had a really good weekend, made so in great part by my company and that there is no way he would have any reason to say anything that he thought may upset me. Then he apologised again. Tbh, I am not used to men apologising to me when I say they have upset me. I liked it!
Still very unsure about him as potential partner. Would perhaps be nice to be friends, and we are going to see each other regularly at dancing events anyway.

@UnimpressorOfCocks I don't know why. But your name always makes me laugh.

I feel you there. It's not that I want to settle down, but I want to feel wanted by a man. MR FB always apologised if he did something wrong, always went out of his way to want to talk things through. So I think it's hit me harder this time that he didn't (I mean reality is not a lot he could say since he's planning his wedding (yet he doesn't know I know this))

Do you think dancing man could be more a FWB? Would you be happy with that?

Lifegoes I would be extremely happy with a FWB. In many ways, that would be ideal! But dancing man would not want that. He's been very clear that he is looking for a relationship and not a 'fuck'. Tbh, most men who behave as he has would have bedded me by now, and because he has been so clear that he wants a relationship where he is making love, rather than fucking, I have not made any move on him.
I think I probably just need to accept that this one is non-starter and move on. God that means I will be going to the speed dating event next week - I was really hoping to avoid that!

On a plus note, I got offered the job I applied for. I was absolutely astonished - I really thought I had messed up the interview - and I know they had a strong field for the job. SO that has given me a self-esteem boost. Now the nightmare of trying to arrange child care so I can start the job!

@lifegoes my work is going to hate me. I've got a hospital appointment for gyno (lovely lump) then catchup after my abdominal surgery last year (gastric sleeve) then I think I've got another GPs appointment for a smear and coil (never had a smear, got to 30 by avoiding the letters)
Next stop the urologist! I mean they did do a wee test and there was nothing else in it other than ecoli, what potentially could it be?

@UnimpressorOfCocks I mean yes and no. He doesn't know I've got another one and I was fine on Sunday. If I said no to sex he wouldn't push but......its me being irresponsible and excited at the prospect of good sex for the first time in 8 years. Honestly, I'm just thirsting for him and I wouldn't turn it down from him ever. Even if I was in the throes of a fever (ok a bit dramatic but you know).

@UnimpressorOfCocks awww that is a shame. ESP as he seems so lovely (from what you have said) I guess you could stay friends as long as he knows it can't be anymore. I'd love to do speed dating. And huge huge congratulations on the job.

@SBD1 what is the lump. Could you not mention this at your gyno consult? And May I take this opportunity to stress the importance of a smear test.

A lump and recurring kidney infections @SBD1. Sounds a bit odd. Could they be connected?

I couldn't have sex in the throes of a severe UTI. A quick google suggested chronic pyleonethritis. Or damaged kidneys from a history of infections. I think you need to demand a scan. This isn't a simple blood test issue. Imho.

@lifegoes It's just a cyst that went hard but its in an inconvenient place and hasn't gone away so I want them to cut it out.

Smear test - haven't been because I had a pathological fear of speculums after a horrible police doctor stuck a cold one up me post rape

I'll ask for a kidney scan

@SBD1 I'm sorry to hear that happened to you. If you explained this to the nurse they would understand and make it more comfortable for you.

But this is your health. The fact you are willing to have sex with a man and happily put your health and potentially his at risk is mind blowing.

Well when I went to talk to the nurse about the coil she calmed me down about the smear test and she said she'd do it at the same time as the coil. She's prescribed me some hmmm propanolol? To take beforehand - something to do with the physical side of panic. I'm not too sure.

Well as far as I was concerned I was better! No kidney infection no sign of a UTI, it only hit me this morning.

I'm really sorry @SBD1 I hope I'm wrong. But I honestly don't believe one part of your whole story.

What do you mean? I literally was fine from Friday...blame it on ignorance if you will but as far as I was concerned, no pain, no burning, finished course of antibiotics why wouldn’t I think I was better? Unless you’re referring to the nurse calming me down about the smear test in which case I can’t do much about that

@SBD1 propananol will lower your heart rate and help with panic attacks. I used to take them. I do hope you push for more tests. Recurring kidney infections can permanently damage your kidneys.

Sorry to hear you were raped and not treated kindly afterwards.

Congratulations on the new job, @UnimpressorOfCocks!