Dating thread 170: Know your worth

[Ginmel]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you. 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread

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Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item. 😘

So. I said to him he was misreading my signals. If he was just after sex etc. Fabswingers. Well. He took the hump. I was flirtatious so....? To clarify I sent a voiceclip saying. My intention wasnt to shame. I was with my daughter and I dont know him. Anyway his reply was he was disappointed in me. Next!

Ah had date last night with new iron, I'll call him Mr Rain.

He looked nicer in person, and had a really nice smile which I hadn't seen in his pictures, so that was nice surprise. He was clearly really pleased to see me and gave me the look like he fancied me all night.

So that's all good. At first I was worried that he was a bit boring, but after one drink I grabbed hold of the conversation and he was more than happy to listen to me. (A major plus as ex NEVER listened to me talk in 14yrs together )

But.,... he was quite short. Probably same height as me, but just not sexy enough. I swear if he was taller I'd have been really excited.

Also, really missed the great first date I'd had with Mr Amazing a couple of weeks ago.

I feel a tiny bit done for the time being. It's nice going out for a drink, and have had only positive experiences so far- but it is a bit of effort to constantly chat to new people.

I'll keep swiping and maybe see what happens.

Ah sorry to hear that @supercali77. I get so excited when I get a connection on messaging, and it's true it doesn't always work out.

I think a lot of men are like little boys- they literally can't control themselves. If they get a hint of something they go crazy and have no self-restraint.

I had one nice iron who was mega keen. Then in our deep and meaningful messaging I alluded to the fact that as I was just divorced having a casualish relationship was what I was looking for- rather than jumping straight into a serious relationship. All sounds reasonable I thought.

Well he got one whiff of casual sex and went absolutely crazy which culminated in him sending me really abusive sexually aggressive messages.

It reminded me of when I taught teenagers and relaxed one rule on one occasion only- they all immediately disrespected all rules and ran roughshod over the class.

Some men can obviously control themselves- and they're the ones I'm looking for!

@supercali77 What a creeper.

MrNN is coming over in a few minutes, MiniSJT dropped off at my cousins, knobhead ex failed to turn up at the bank once again to sort our finances, I have been trying to sort it since November!

Blood sugars are all over so I didn’t really sleep, then we kept having powercuts so I missed the Aus/Fiji game and the cat decided to shit all over the bedroom carpet.

I have warned him that if steelers lose he might as well go home 😂 as that’s a step too far.

@supercali77 disappointed in you? That's a weird response from someone you've never met.

Supercali what a tosser. I swear that the apps and OLD have lowered the standards of behaviour. Or made men feel comfortable to behave this way much more openly.

I'm the same with shorter men, I feel bad for it but it's almost an instant swipe left from me. Minimum height for me is 5'8 or 5'9, I'm only 5'4 myself so it's not like I'm really tall

supercali bizarre behaviour from him, and frankly you were nicer to him than he deserved!
eyebrows height matters to me too, though at 5'9" it's harder to find taller men!

I have a date later with Mr Black. We've been chatting for a couple of days and I'm really not sure how it's going to go - English is his second language and he's from a very different culture so I have tried to allow for that in his messages, but he's been a bit full on even so! We shall see....

Nothing wrong with having a height requirement and no need to feel bad about it

I'm 5'10 so my ideal is between 5'4 and 5'6. I'm not rigid about it, MissTiny was 5'0, but I do have a preference. Anyway we're all the same height lying down 😉

Just sat in shock got a message from said man on pof after fwb..within 2 messages he says he is married and bored.. ffs ..He didn't take my eise words well.. ex did the same to me but he is so fed up grass isnt always greener..

Goo

I just got an "oi" from a man I was chatting with this morning but then got busy. Seriously? Can't have a few hours between replies without getting so impatient he resorts to "oi"? Nah. Unmatched.

In my last post SBD1 I forgot to mention re generosity to irons - the biggest thing I ever did was book a holiday abroad (with my credit note for cancelled honeymoon but that's another story and I had to top up the credit note-was most expensive European holiday ever lol) for someone I'd been seeing for a couple of months (wasn't expecting a LTR but thought it would be a laugh) ended up finding out he was an alcoholic and he ended things so ended up having to change name for second traveller (had to deal with airline directly as travel agent wouldn't allow me to change) and randomly going with a colleague I didn't know particularly well at the time-although we did have a fab time!

On my way to meet Mr Goatee. Unreasonably nervous. Will I ever get over first date nerves?!

Hope it's going well morenicecereal

Well Cath Fach has texted again today. And my date from last night, let's call him Mr Hendricks has been in touch too.

Me Hendricks was a pleasant surprise last night tbh. Had low expectations but really enjoyed it.

Shorter than me but still imminently fanciable. Might have already had too much to drink tho. #cheapdate

Excellent night. Ant330 is right.

Thanks everyone. Still nothing from fake tattoos gf. I didnt meet lovely Thomas for a date on fri. Didnt feel right. He was lovely and seemed really interested but I just know myself. The slow burn doesnt really work for me. I tried it and wasted 2 months of someones time. That said, I'm getting utterly fed up of the absolute bellends on OLD. I'm starting to feel like I attract them. Last week was a blow out of them. The 1 day chat ending in him wanking, the guy that pushed for a date then unmatched and told me over text he wasnt ready, mr fake tattoos and his gf, then mr disappointed in me because I didnt want to sext constantly. It's starting to affect my self esteem, after a 2 months break after mr headfuck I've only been on there 6 weeks and while there've been some good ones, theres been 80% horseshit. Part of me thinks maybe I need a break or to meet someone IRL. The other part thinks....just get better at spotting them, be slower. Anyway I'm just having a whinge.

Sorry to hear it's all getting a bit much @supercali77, it definitely takes a lot out of you dating. Some good bits, but loads of time spent which is wasted too.

Sounds a great night @MoreNiceCereal! Glad you fancied him and it all seemed to go well!

My friend recommended Matthew Hussey the dating coach to me yesterday- so have been reading up on his stuff, have any of you heard of him?

Was really interesting analysing why my second date didn't go well, Mr Amazing was trying to do things like carry my bag, walk me to my car etc, but I sort of pushed him away at every opportunity.

Also I could have done little things to show I was interested in him, but I gave him nothing basically.

I think I thought because he had fancied me it was a done deal, but because I gave nothing back he just lost interest.

Now I'm going to brush up on my flirting to practice on my next iron!

Thanks, @eyebrowsofinstagram. We are meeting up again today for a quick coffee before he has to go back to his work town. He's only in the country sporadically, and works in a tiny coastal town over an hour away, but he always has 3 days weekends and spends them travelling. We may just see each other once a month or something, but that suits me perfectly. If this goes well I will probably come off the apps and stick to my arrangements with both Mr HK and (possibly) Mr Goatee. It's kind of amazing talking with someone who grew up in the same country as me - it's been a really long time, and it's almost like we speak the same language. Whether that feeling of connection is anything more than just a sense of camaraderie, time will tell I guess.

That Matthew Hussey stuff sounds interesting, I'll have to have a look.

I hate Matthew Hussey!! A few videos popped up on my feed on fb and I just think he (like many of these gurus) want all women to be coy and a bit aloof and play everything just right in order to keep a man interested.

The right man wil like you for who you are.

Yes I mostly agree @Khaleesi I hate being coy or aloof just to manipulate men, and always thought you should just be your natural self and the right person will like you for who you are.

I know I'm just terrible at flirting, so I want to improve that a bit. The moment I fancy someone I clam up in terror. But if I don't fancy them I'm absolutely fine!

@MoreNiceCereal that all sounds really good- having a regular arrangement which isn't too full on would be good and you could just relax and enjoy that for a while.

@MoreNiceCereal that sounds like just what you need right now and I'm so pleased for you.

I've just got in from my lunchtime yesterday coffee date with Mr Black 😁 It was so comfortable and kind....just what I needed too. I think we'll see each other again but I don't feel needy or insecure. Just happy whatever.... and that feels like a big step forward

@Putastrawunderbaby Sounds promising.

MrNN has been sent on his way. His shaved head still looks awful (he could be an extra in the boy in striped pjs!), I couldn’t stop staring at it 😂 as the regrowth is standing on end, and because he’s blond it glows in the sun. We lost the rugby, it was a very tight game (not like Scotlands sloppy performance this morning). He still doesn’t get the attraction of rugby as a game, but he enjoyed the view and bought me some panini RWC stickers, so that can possibly be forgiven.

Had a bit of a moment though, he watched strictly (I did explain why that is not an acceptable past time), so I played some zelda while he was doing that. Anyway, two bits of music came on that previously would have made me feel dread as it would have led to a massive argument and cold shoulder for days. It may sound odd, but not being scared/on high alert to defend myself because your boyfriend has the TV on is a weird feeling. Bonkers really.

And you, @putastrawunderbaby - sounds like a great lunch.

Thank you @eyebrowsofinstagram.

Oh and I know what you mean, @SimonJT. It's odd how normalised bad relationships can become.