Dating thread 170: Know your worth

[Ginmel]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you. 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread

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Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item. 😘

@SBD1 definitely too costly a gift for that short a relationship. How about fancy coffee and a nice mug instead...?

I guess the issue is....its not that much money for me, so my perspective is often a bit skewed. I actually already know how much he earns but it never occurs that me buying an expensive present for someone could be an issue. I don't think he bothers him that I earn quite a bit more than him but perhaps presenting an expensive present might be an issue.

Silly fact, at the weekend I was laughing about how he was 1.5 years older than me. He looked at me, smiled and said....its 2.5 years. I laughed for a good ten minutes.

Oh and I'm getting fancy coffee and a mug with Cactus's on, I'll save my idea for another time

@HairyArsedMan I guess it does really depend on the circumstances.

I've ended this one because of the lies. It was a FB for a year. I'm struggling with it because I keep doubting myself. And yet in a fucked up way. I hope he's missing me, that it's hurt him in some way. But I doubt it will. So hence my question.

@InTheTempest Honestly - agreee with pp's. all good sex does is make someone want more good sex. IT's never going to be the thing which builds the emotional connection...maybe cements it. It's a big component of all kinds of intimacy. But on it's own....not ime. 9 years is quite an age gap at any stage in life, do-able, but you in your early 30s, and him 20s, that's kinda significant depending on whether you want kids. Don't waste time on someone you don't think you can talk to now you're getting the feels

@JeSuisPrest haha, honestly besides the fact he's a cheating arsehole, he's given me so many inadvertant laughs the last few days. I'm guessing you don't photoshop kilts onto yourself with outlander backdrops though? Or is this about to get very awkward?

@MoreNiceCereal I actually needed to read that. Because of my FB I thought a FB was better than a FWB. We'd been going for 6 months and it just suited us both completely. Then I got a bit pissed off and ended it. Which I was fine with. So when he come back after a month. I thought oh I can do this no problem. It really suited my life and needs and absolutely no chance of a relationship. But his change in behaviour made me question things. Obv finding out now about his Wife to be and child is an issue and hurts. But I had ended it before that because it suddenly felt one sided he was lovely with me. But couldn't make time. (Now I know why). But was planning to take me away.

Anyway I'm rambling. But hearing that you ended yours and you know it was for the best. I kinda needed to hear that. Whilst I know mine is, i just miss him. Well I miss what he gave me.

@supercali77 I wouldn't be wearing a kilt if I photoshopped myself into a picture with Jamie Fraser... Possibly a small amount of heather to cover my modesty? Notwithstanding the cheating arseholery, it sounds like you've had a lucky escape. Where are you at with the fiancee - has she responded?

As it's sexual health week and it's something we've been chatting about this week on da Fred, you might all like to know that Love Honey have 25% off everything with no minimum spend. I can't recall who was asking, but if you don't like internal vibrators, go for the wand - either the mains one or the mini battery operated one - both pack a punch.

Well I miss what he gave me.

And you can find that again, in the right person for you.

Thank you @MoreNiceCereal I've been here before. It's just that first part of the end.

@JeSuisPrest I still haven't had a reply to it, and since I sent it he's sent 'What's happening' messages (now blocked) but that suggests she hasn't read it or if she has, hasn't said anything? Thanks for the Jamie Fraser + 25% off toys combo haha. Just what's required at the end of a nuts week

But is wanting it to be more than sex wanting something serious though? I'd like us to just do other stuff, have fun, and yes not be sleeping with other people. But that's not wanting serious? Serious to me means things progressing to meeting families, thinking about moving in, stuff like that. That's the problem that OLD has created, if not sleeping with other people means that it's serious, because it didn't seem to be like this years ago.

I don't know if it's his age that's so much the issue as opposed to just him and what he wants. I do already have DC so I'm really not in a rush for finding 'the one'- been there done that and it all fell apart. I don't know.... just some more time with someone I actually like compared to the dross on OLD is what I would like.

The good thing is I've been through such a lot that I'm pretty resilient, even if this doesn't go the way I would like. It will just be looking a bit more seriously on tinder I think...

@JeSuisPrest
Good news. Thanks. Need to go and get something to scratch the itch before I seduce the STBX, which he would be up for, but would put me back to square bloody 1 of this break up.

Right at the least I'm going to go on the dates I had very casually arranged...

So they are again younger than me, early mid 20s.

The first one, I actually met his brother on tinder a few months back- that went nowhere. He is aware of this and doesn't seem bothered but is a little strange.

The second is a pro footballer (not premier league or anything!) but I'm unsure of this one because I can't see why he would be interested in me....

@InTheTempest I do agree with you. That's where I think it's a FWB situation and not a FB.

To me a FWB you do all of that but with no seriousness.

@InTheTempest I'd watch with footballers. I've had my good share with them and believe me nothing good has come out of it. They have women all over, they are flakey

Hrmm - how do you access the discount?

Lifegoes I get you re footballers 😄 Im not even that bothered tbh cos he just isn't that interesting in his messages.... but maybe just to get Cath Fach off my brain for a bit he'd be a distraction.

Is it weird to go on a date with someone who's brother you 'dated' twice?

That doesn't have to be serious no @InTheTempest
This is exactly what me and my iron have agreed. We aren't serious. But we are exclusive and we do more than sex. But we have discussed it and agreed it. You don't sound like you are on the same page.

Well we've just not discussed it because we've been bumbling along this way for a few months now... I don't know at this point what his reaction would be if I said I don't want serious but want exclusive and I want us to do stuff. With regards to doing stuff, he has seemed really keen but in truth it can just be really difficult to find the time. Maybe I should just say it all now and then if that's it, time to move on...

@DustMyselfOff My email just says discount applied at checkout. I am an Unlimited Member though...

@InTheTempest and @Lifegoes - I couldn't enjoy doing all that stuff with someone and sleeping with them and not get the feels eventually, especially if they're the only one you're doing those things with? I suppose if that's what both people are happy with, it's all good though.

@JeSuisPrest I do agree. That's why my FB was perfect until he turned out to be a liar. Because a FWB would have me wanting more. But I do understand how some people just have that.

@JeSuisPrest
Meh. No discount for me then.

@DustMyselfOff Do not shag your ex! He sounds like a complete cockwomble.

@lifegoes I think I know how you feel re hoping he misses you. For me, walking away from fireman was so hard because of just that. I wanted him to want me, miss me, not for me to conveniently disappear so he could move on as if it never happened. Sounds silly when I put it like that...
And that mindset kept me trapped for longer than it warranted (and made me feel beyond crap). So I had to turn it back to me and just stop wondering about him. And that's when I realised I'd started to feel relief, when I stopped wasting mental energy on him.
I don't know if I'm even making sense!! but can't think of how else to put it.
(NB I think firemen might also be like footballers)