How should I reply to this text?

[JaysusWept]

Namechanged as I've told my work colleague already about this and I know she lurks on here. (She was absolutely no help - she's probably still laughing about it...)

Background is that I've been single for a couple of years after discovering he was cheating. I have an 8 year old DD.
I am friends with a small group who I have known for a few years - met through kids at nursery/starting school, etc. We do playdates, dinners, drinks out, whatsapp group which is used constantly, helping each other out, etc. We are close and I value all of their friendships.
For the past few weeks I have felt that one of the group, who I shall refer to as C, has been a bit 'off' with me. Nothing I can really put my finger on - I don't always do the drop off and pick ups at school for my DD, but when I have and I've seen C she hasn't chatted with me like she usually would, and 2 weeks ago 4 of us went out for drinks and I felt that there was a bit of an atmosphere when I was talking to her, although she was polite enough. There are people that I am closer to in the group but C and I have always been very friendly and have done many things with just the 2 of us.

Yesterday, I picked up my DD from school and C's husband was there to pick up their DD. The 4 of us walked back together and we stopped outside C's house to finish our chat briefly, before I carried on up the street. C came to the door but didn't come over although she did wave.

At 4pm I received a text from C which read "Doing her usual, all over XXXXX (her husband's name) and doing that stupid fucking laugh of hers" with a couple of angry emoticons.
I replied back "?" and she immediately sent back "Ooops, sorry! That was meant for L (mutual friend in group, but who is very close to C), talking about someone at work! Sorry, just delete!"
I didn't reply to that and almost straight after I received a text from L asking if I was up for a night out next weekend.

C was talking about me, wasn't she? L also wouldn't usually text me about a night out as it would be sent through the whatsapp chat.
I didn't do the drop off this morning, but C has text me (not in whatsapp group) to ask if I fancy going over to hers tomorrow after school with DD.
I'm not sure how best to respond.
Am I being paranoid in thinking that text was about me?

For the record, I don't know C's husband particularly well. I've chatted with him at group things we've attended and a few times we've walked home together if we've done school pick ups as I've got to pass their house on my way home. I am not attracted to him, and nothing untoward has ever happened or would happen, although I may very well have a stupid fucking laugh!

Any advice? I actually feel really fucking weirded out by this.

I would make a point of telling the two nice friends (without L) your side of the story before little miss pathetic dramatises it to them xxx

Nicolastuffed

Yes, they would be dead to me too. Whilst we all gossip or discuss situations, that comment shows she cannot abide by you. The worst thing is she acted as a friend in your presence. Absolutely two faced.

You've tried much more than most people would. She reacted "guiltily" and defensively. Back to the back off and be polite tactic (if she comes anywhere near you now!).

You should have just said you were calling for a chat about Boris!

Is t this a kind of tactic used by abusers? Where they get defensive and then turn the tables on their victims and make out they’re being bullied or some such bullshit.

That's the one. DARVO they call it (deny, attack, reverse victim and offender). OP's update about the phone conversation relays that script to a tee. Does someone hand out an unseen manual to these people?

Glad OP has the measure of what she is. 'Can no longer be arsed with this BS' is a good attitude to have. Who has the energy for 'friends' like this?

I’m genuinely wondering what the fuck she is on lately.
She’s never come across as jealous or overly bitchy before and i’ve known her for about 3 years.

D has posted in the group asking why C has left, but no replies to that.
I wondered if L might reply.
What the hell do I even say to that?

What a fucking drama queen.

She will paint you as paranoid and unreasonable and like you went mental over nothing.
She has left the group chat because she is so ‘offended’ by your accusation.
But really her damage limitation tactic didn’t work and now she’s on the attack by playing victim. You can be the bad guy thanks.

I tend to find the people who make out their relationship is so perfect are covering for exactly the opposite. I reckon things aren't happy in the household and she's getting paranoid about him.

AAHHhhhhh OP.. you finally sounds angry.. good on ya

Hi all not sure what's going on but I received a text that apparently wasn't for me but implied that I was flirting with Xs husband. I was really upset by this and rang her to assure her that this couldn't be further from the truth, I'm not interested in any relationship. I rang x but didn't really get anywhere, so not sure what to do.

Well done for phoning. I wouldn't have been brave enough but it was the right thing to do.

Best start your own thread, fourthtoe.

Yep, she sounds incredibly annoying and dramatic. I wouldn't say anything in response to her leaving the group. Really you don't need to and whatever is going on with C, she will have to sort it out.

I am annoyed now because what I at first worried might be paranoia on my part, or a misunderstanding, I now see that she’s intent on creating a drama out of it and painting me as the bad one.

I’m tempted to post a SS of the text message in the WhatsApp chat and say that I’d been sent it by accident, asked C about it, and then she had chosen to leave the group.

I’m tempted to post a SS of the text message in the WhatsApp chat and say that I’d been sent it by accident, asked C about it, and then she had chosen to leave the group.

Don't do that. It would escalate things hugely, and you really wouldn't come out of it well.

I honestly wouldn’t reply tonight. Give it some more thought tomorrow when youve had some sleep. Anything you write down expect to get that screen shotted as evidence against you.

Oh you poor thing Jaysus You need to look after yourself and protect yourself. It’s tough when you’re single in a group of marrieds. There’s no-one who’s got your back.

Retreat, keep your distance and look after yourself. Clearly C has an issue with you, but it’s her issue and NO reflection on you.

To add. If you get cornered tomorrow on the school run and asked about it, I’d say you have no idea what’s going on. Perhaps they’d be better off asking C as you are clueless and wondering if she’s okay yourself.

Why wouldn’t you come out telling of the truth well?

Good advice.
I’ll sleep on it tonight and hopefully C will have come to her senses tomorrow!

We’re a group ranging in age from early 30s to late 30s - I can’t be arsed with this secondary school drama shite.

If I was you, I would stay tight lipped. Your friends will know her type.

It's probably a relief to all!

I don't think I would say anything on the group either.

Fuck it. You were mature and she is creating drama. It's all her insecurity, doesn't sound like you're doing anything wrong. Maybe her husband commented about you before and she became jealous.

@Walkacrossthesand I think the post from @mankyfourthtoe was saying what they think the OP should write, not her own story (although it did confuse me initially too!)

Hi op,

Fair play for phoning her and trying to sort it out. It's always worth a shot. But now you've tried and got nowhere.

I had a very similar situation when doing a college course. The text message came to be by accident but with my name in it ranting about me being all over her husband and how I should "get my own man!"

I had no interest in this woman's husband. She was jealous of me. C is jealous of you. I also tried to talk to her, said I felt hurt, I would never flirt with her husband, it was unfair.

She was super apologetic, said it was her issues, the guys at the table were all talking about me and it annoyed her. We hugged it out and agreed to forget all about it. I never saw her husband again, yet she quickly forgot her apologies and began a smear campaign against me. Three years later his affairs were uncovered and she wrote to me and said sorry again, that being with him had made her paranoid and nasty. I ignored this time.

My advice is to drop the friendship with C. You have tried to be the bigger person. Get the other girls in the group alone and tell them what happened factually and briefly. I would tell them "it's a shame as I thought we had a good friendship, I feel hurt."

I'd go for a reply to the group with something along the lines of "I think it might be my fault, she sent me a text by mistake which I thought was about me rather than for me, I was upset about it as my mind went into overdrive so rang her to discuss it and whilst I really didnt mean to cause offence I must have done"

No need to quote the text, the above sounds like you're genuinely shocked, makes her out to be the drama queen that she is, shows an "admission" of sorts on your part, out in the open to mutual friends. Mutual friends who will then undoubtedly ask you about it when you next see them and you can show them said text without having it on a group to be used against you.

I do think you need to say something otherwise she will get in, make up some bullshit and you'll end up being the one ostracised. And whilst it would be lovely to say maintain a dignified silence,if this is your only friendship group (think you said that?) don't let some little bitch ruin it for you simply because she can't own her own mistakes. Stand up for yourself, but do it nicely. You are in this position entirely because of her and that's awful, don't let her make it worse.

Needsomebottle that's just terrible advice!

No way does she need to offer any explanation to the group & saying what you suggest makes OP sound like she has done something wrong.

Saying nothing is best all round.

So sorry OP. You sound very level-headed. Your 'friends' are such 'mean girls' 💐