How should I reply to this text?

[JaysusWept]

Namechanged as I've told my work colleague already about this and I know she lurks on here. (She was absolutely no help - she's probably still laughing about it...)

Background is that I've been single for a couple of years after discovering he was cheating. I have an 8 year old DD.
I am friends with a small group who I have known for a few years - met through kids at nursery/starting school, etc. We do playdates, dinners, drinks out, whatsapp group which is used constantly, helping each other out, etc. We are close and I value all of their friendships.
For the past few weeks I have felt that one of the group, who I shall refer to as C, has been a bit 'off' with me. Nothing I can really put my finger on - I don't always do the drop off and pick ups at school for my DD, but when I have and I've seen C she hasn't chatted with me like she usually would, and 2 weeks ago 4 of us went out for drinks and I felt that there was a bit of an atmosphere when I was talking to her, although she was polite enough. There are people that I am closer to in the group but C and I have always been very friendly and have done many things with just the 2 of us.

Yesterday, I picked up my DD from school and C's husband was there to pick up their DD. The 4 of us walked back together and we stopped outside C's house to finish our chat briefly, before I carried on up the street. C came to the door but didn't come over although she did wave.

At 4pm I received a text from C which read "Doing her usual, all over XXXXX (her husband's name) and doing that stupid fucking laugh of hers" with a couple of angry emoticons.
I replied back "?" and she immediately sent back "Ooops, sorry! That was meant for L (mutual friend in group, but who is very close to C), talking about someone at work! Sorry, just delete!"
I didn't reply to that and almost straight after I received a text from L asking if I was up for a night out next weekend.

C was talking about me, wasn't she? L also wouldn't usually text me about a night out as it would be sent through the whatsapp chat.
I didn't do the drop off this morning, but C has text me (not in whatsapp group) to ask if I fancy going over to hers tomorrow after school with DD.
I'm not sure how best to respond.
Am I being paranoid in thinking that text was about me?

For the record, I don't know C's husband particularly well. I've chatted with him at group things we've attended and a few times we've walked home together if we've done school pick ups as I've got to pass their house on my way home. I am not attracted to him, and nothing untoward has ever happened or would happen, although I may very well have a stupid fucking laugh!

Any advice? I actually feel really fucking weirded out by this.

Fucking hell don’t say you think youve done anything wrong!!!!’ You’ve done absolutely nothing at all. They are the bitches and you genuinely don’t know what the problem is.

The truth always comes out in he end. You just have to wait.

Keep the 'offending' Texts OP, and don't discuss this with anyone in text, as others have said, they would be shared and misconstrued.

Ooh, I don't envy you. Really complicated situation. If it's any consolation I'd bet things are a bit frosty Chez-C tonight. I'm guessing C's bound to be a bit tetchy & C's DH will be completely bemused / hacked off / both.

What the hell do I even say to that?

Nothing. And definitely don't send defensive emails starting from the tone that it might be your fault. It wasn't.

In response to a PP who wrote: don't let some little bitch ruin it for you simply because she can't own her own mistakes - fair play, but OP doesn't need to own them for her. They're not hers, so she can let them slide. 'C' made the decision to send unpleasant texts supposedly intended for someone else. She then made the decision to leave the group. You can't speak for her or speculate with others as to the reasons for that choice, and it will only make things worse if you try. It necessary to own your own shit in life, and where necessary apologize for it. But don't ever internalize other people's.

This baggage doesn't belong to you, OP. Anyone tries to dump this on you, hand it straight back. It's not yours. And the better part of valour is discretion.

I know you meant well by phoning her but you should have heeded Elspeth’s advice. Unfortunately C is unhinged - as you’re discovering. She will spin this so that the narrative becomes that she accidentally sent you a text, she was talking about someone else, you took offence because you thought it was about you, and the ONLY reason you thought it was about you is because it mentioned her DH and why would you assume the text was about you unless you also fancied her DH? Etc, etc...

Your thinking her text was about you will be used against you as proof that you fancy her DH.

Sorry your friends are shitty OP. But I think bright and breezy grey rock is the only way to go. Don’t feed the drama. She’ll twist it so that you come off worse. You can never win against crazy.

FWIW I’d be really devastated if this happened to me. My sympathies.

Oh blimey she's gone mad, probably sent that text to everyone in the group, that's why she left WhatsApp.

Hiding now.

If it was about you, and seems likely it was, then I'd keep well out of it.
Don't justify your phone call or share that text.

Leave them to the drama.
Someone's bound to ask what's up with xxxx, only then put your side in.

She’s a prick.

I had a surprising turn of events with a friendship myself recently. Similar, in that it came out of the blue and involved some rather childish behaviour on her part, leaving the group, blocking/unblocking on Facebook and behaving like the injured party, though I was/am innocent of any wrongdoing.

I didn’t entertain her for a moment. Just cut her off quietly. No group of pals is worth doing battle for because if they’re worth having, they’ll stick around of their own accord (a hard learned lesson as a youngster taught me that).

As it turned out the group ignored her drama too and nothing has really changed except I don’t see my former friend at all. I have no interest in rekindling any sort of relationship with her. When it comes down to it, I wouldn’t have dreamed of treating her the way she treated me because I valued her friendship. That she behaved the way she did says she’s not the friend I imagined she was and therefore I have no need of her.
There aren’t the hours in the day to devote to rubbish friends.

Dignified silence is what I prescribe. Let it unfold before you if it will. Don’t help it along.

What a pathetic drama llama. She obviously was talking about you but was too cowardly to own up to it. At least she's shown her true colours. I couldn't be arsed to deal with her either.

You don't need to say anything to the question because, in reality, you don't know why for sure. If you say anything at all just say you'd felt like she's been a bit distant for a while, you asked her if anything was wrong but she said she was fine, so you've no idea what's going on....

*Do not reply in writing.
*
It will only get a tee

*Do not reply in writing
*
It will only get screen shotted and sent to her.

And inflame the situation with you as the bad guy.

You can tell your friends verbally what happened.

She has shown her true colours and at least one person in the group (the one
who asked why she left) isn't in on it. I would just distance myself from her.

Good on you for calling her though!

Elspeth was 100% - re read her advice and do that now.

Nasty bitches like this NEVER own it - classic move to escalate, dramatise and blame you.

The flouncing off WA is to get the others to ask “what’s up hun?”

Again I wouldn’t bring it up with the others as the good ones won’t want to know but the bitches will be nosy and repeat what you say to stir it.

Yeah, she's over compensating for her relationship here, going on about how great it is. I wonder if her H has slight mentionitis when it comes to you and she's taking it out on you.

I would have to get my side across to your other friends though, before she puts her bullshit version in, which she will as they'll now be messaging her privately to ask why she's left the group.

Yes I think it’s brilliant that you called her and politely stuck to the facts. She didn’t know where to turn did she?

She’s been caught a-bitchin’ and a-lyin’.
Don’t stir the pot, let the cook toil.

Personally I'd fuck them off altogether.

Yes I think L can probably be dispensed with too.

She’s made an absolute idiot of herself. Not nice for you though. Those girls (L&C) are not your friends. You’re better off without them xx

@EarringsandLipstick I appreciate you disagree and understand why. However - and this is only my opinion based upon my experiences - saying nothing is worse. This girl (yes, I don't feel she warrants the more adult term of woman) is a grade A bitch and professional victim. I would bet good money that what happened after "C left the group" was that L text her to say D had asked why she had left and that no one had replied. C will then be straight on the private chats to the other members saying how Jaysus has been simply horrible to her (insert extravagant bullshit story here with a very vague connection to what actually happened so if anyone does speak to jaysus after there is a common thread) and how she felt she had no choice to leave. Her seed is sown, everyone immediately thinks "oh christ i don't want to get caught in the middle of this" so decide they'll keep a respectable distance for a bit. C, however won't let them distance from her and will now lean on them for support, meanwhile Jaysus, for trying to be dignified and respectful to her other friends gets frozen out because that's easy, because she isn't putting pressure on.

My advice wasn't so much "use these words and text them" as say something, fight your corner, you absolutely shouldn't have to, you've been put in this position due to a situation that wasn't of your making and its grossly unfair, but don't let this little cowbag make you lose your friends while you try to retain dignity. Find a way to get a dignified message across that gives your side, or opens up the floor to people to ask your side when you see them. Enough to make people known they can ask so she can share her side.

I fear saying nothing will simply lead to the others assuming she has done whatever cock and bull story C makes up and that's why she's not saying anything, leading to them "phasing her out".

It's a shit situation that you shouldn't have to fight to come back from but I doubt very much that she will slink away into the night. She too will now be panicking that she may lose her circle of friends and will be doing what she can to prevent that happening.

Just leave them to it.

Don’t engage at all.

Find some better friends.

Sorry this has happened but at least you know their true colours now.

Dignified silence is what I prescribe. Let it unfold before you

I agree with this.

I would message the other members of the group (not C or L) and put them in the picture

I agree there's a massive side conversation going on now that your not part of.

Let it lie for s bit now.

Hate to say it but whilst dignified silence is my preferred route, I have done this within the past 18 months and was frozen out of the friendship group.

Op we did all say not to say anything for this reason, she isn't interested in you or your friendship. You have played perfectly into her hands now.

She will paint you to the others as a scarlet woman. Now she has flounced off WA the other women will be texting/calling her to see if she is okay giving her the perfect opportunity to 'confide' in them what has happened. They will be drawn in, and you will be cast out.

If you had kept quiet and played her at her own game this would have ended better.

The only thing left to do now is distance yourself from the group, and if there are any 'real' friends lurking in the group they will surface in time.

Watch out though - do not respond to anyone calling for a 'chat' about the situation, they are just feeding the drama, and will be calling for gossip not with any real concern.. If anyone asks just say you are fine thanks, and ask them about their kids/life.

Where is elspbeth when we need her!!

Sorry op, move on with new friends. I know they are your only group for now, but honestly you have to look for a new group of friends. This is over.