How should I reply to this text?

[JaysusWept]

Namechanged as I've told my work colleague already about this and I know she lurks on here. (She was absolutely no help - she's probably still laughing about it...)

Background is that I've been single for a couple of years after discovering he was cheating. I have an 8 year old DD.
I am friends with a small group who I have known for a few years - met through kids at nursery/starting school, etc. We do playdates, dinners, drinks out, whatsapp group which is used constantly, helping each other out, etc. We are close and I value all of their friendships.
For the past few weeks I have felt that one of the group, who I shall refer to as C, has been a bit 'off' with me. Nothing I can really put my finger on - I don't always do the drop off and pick ups at school for my DD, but when I have and I've seen C she hasn't chatted with me like she usually would, and 2 weeks ago 4 of us went out for drinks and I felt that there was a bit of an atmosphere when I was talking to her, although she was polite enough. There are people that I am closer to in the group but C and I have always been very friendly and have done many things with just the 2 of us.

Yesterday, I picked up my DD from school and C's husband was there to pick up their DD. The 4 of us walked back together and we stopped outside C's house to finish our chat briefly, before I carried on up the street. C came to the door but didn't come over although she did wave.

At 4pm I received a text from C which read "Doing her usual, all over XXXXX (her husband's name) and doing that stupid fucking laugh of hers" with a couple of angry emoticons.
I replied back "?" and she immediately sent back "Ooops, sorry! That was meant for L (mutual friend in group, but who is very close to C), talking about someone at work! Sorry, just delete!"
I didn't reply to that and almost straight after I received a text from L asking if I was up for a night out next weekend.

C was talking about me, wasn't she? L also wouldn't usually text me about a night out as it would be sent through the whatsapp chat.
I didn't do the drop off this morning, but C has text me (not in whatsapp group) to ask if I fancy going over to hers tomorrow after school with DD.
I'm not sure how best to respond.
Am I being paranoid in thinking that text was about me?

For the record, I don't know C's husband particularly well. I've chatted with him at group things we've attended and a few times we've walked home together if we've done school pick ups as I've got to pass their house on my way home. I am not attracted to him, and nothing untoward has ever happened or would happen, although I may very well have a stupid fucking laugh!

Any advice? I actually feel really fucking weirded out by this.

Sorry this is happening to you. Similar happened to me a good friend and my closest cousin!! Good friend jealous of my relationship with my cousin and instead of being a grown up and having her own relationship with my cousin she set about breaking us apart. It all came to a head when they totally mean girled me at a bbq. It was awful, I was 35 and felt like I was at school again. I wish I had read Elspeths wise words back then, although I did similar, I distanced myself completely, however they were tenacious and I kept getting messages like you have been and our lives were so entangled it was hard. Eventually I had to say exactly why I wasn't interested in meeting up any longer, cousin admitted everything and apologised for the mean girling, the good friend denied denied denied. Cousin and I still see each other but it's not the same, I'm still non contact with the friend. 2 years on and honestly I wouldn't change the fact I ended that friendship, I do not need drama in my life. I am sad my relationship with my cousin is damaged but I'm pleased I held my head high and didn't let them get away with behaving so atrociously. So I understand that just cutting them out isn't easy for you to do and you might have to have some sort of conversation as to the reason why.

I wouldn't engage with either of the again..nasty gits

I'd just leave if yo be honest. They've obviously been bitching about you. It would be L I'd be suspicious of. C's response sounds like a reply up a bitchy question.

Sorry OP.

The laugh thing would be the worst for me. It's personal and bitchy.

I agree that it definitely sounds like a response to 'how was Jay with xxxx today ?' from L.

They are definitely worried that you know, which suggests that it's just the two of them and they very much want you to not mention it to the wider group so things can stay as they are. Second choice for them would be to remove you from the group. Do you do a lot of the group work ( play dates etc). How easy would that be? Would that suit L in any way.

I would do what baking with glitter says, but if I had other close friends in the group I would definitely show them afterwards rather than suffer in silence.

Can't be bothered to rtft to find out if this has been asked. But, OP:

Any chance you can record your laugh for me and I'll tell you one way or the other?

I wouldn’t have responded to either of them and would now disengage from the two of them.

Really, life’s too short and there are plenty of nice people around to be friends with.

Shes a woman and is obviously insecure in her relationship maybe he mentions you more than any other female as he simply has no interactions with any other ones and she’s taking that as interest or he’s even called you pretty in passing comment. Both of which would drive an insecure woman to madness!

@OP in the kindest possible way, you are coming across as quite weak, wanting to clear the air with your "friend" like there's going to be a logical explanation and you'll all skip off into the sunset. Are you all Scottish or just you??

That txt was 100% aimed at you, for whatever reason she has a gripe with you and has managed to get L in her gang..... Like school kids.

You need to woman up and tackle it head on, this friendship is not a friendship or she'd have spoken to you. I'd be inclined to message them both, (or in the group chat if you 100% know you've done nothing to warrant it) and call them out on their pathetic childish behaviour. The fact they are individually texting you shows they are bricking it. You can even do the whoops I though I sent it you privately if you want to be petty like I would.

The friendship group on a whole may not be aware what bitches they have been.

If yer da sells Avon doesn't work you can always try the trusty "Yer Maw" comment?

Unhelpful, but as a fellow Scot it's my go to insult

The comment about "you doing that f×××××× laugh again" is incredibly spiteful and full of venom. She hates you and probably did the whole time you assumed you were friends. They have discussed you many a time.

I would cut C and L off and leave the WhatsApp group. I would also not attend any events they will be going to. If you wish to maintain relationships with the others I would advise you see them one on one.

I can never understand why anyone would spend time with someone they do not like. Even at school the popular nasty girls stuck together but were secretly jealous and competitive with one another. I have seen the same behaviour at work and stay well clear. This is why I have very little friends (not that there are a hoard of women trying to befriend me). I dislike group friendships and only see friends one on one. No drama, no back biting, no fighting to be queen bee just two people talking, eating, having a drink.

There can be no explanation for such a conversation. She was caught red handed. See her for who she is.

Vixen I agree about acting with dignity and class. They are aware of their actions and must be shitting themselves discussing how they can crawl out of this hole. Silence and distance speaks volumes and has far more impact than getting into a confrontation. They do not deserve to be given the opportunity to explain themselves.

Years ago an ex friend stepped over the line with me and wanted to tell me her side of the story. I refused and cut her off. She was unable to relieve herself of any guilt and make herself feel better by offloading onto me. It was more effective than if I had given her the room to talk.

It's 100% about you. I've done it myself about a colleague (mortifying, and not clever).

I would keep to one-word answers.. sure, yep etc. Let them stew and then act all breezy in person.

Pair of bitches.

@JaysusWept, they're probably jealous of you and C has got to have to try to find something to bitch about if you are a genuinely nice person as you come across. You're single, so obviously you 'throw yourself' at men 🙄 I don't believe that for one minute and I don't even think she thinks you're into her DH. It's an easy bitch comment purely based on you being single. Your other failing is your laugh?!

Lady she's jealous of you. You're strong independent and single. I was single for 10 years and had a number of married/attached friends and colleagues who used to say that I was lucky.

She might have a crap marriage behind closed doors, she might be jealous of your job and independence. She might be jealous that you're the popular one within the friendship group but given her efforts to 'make up' inviting you for coffee, she really doesn't think that you are throwing yourself at her DH.

Hold your head higher and minimum and essential contact from now on and keep in mind she might wish she was you

Oh I'd be so hurt :( some married people can't get their heads round single women being happily single and either view you as fair game or a threat. I've had a friend's (now ex) husband flirt with me when I went to the loo and walked past his study when I was having drinks with his wife and other friends.

Nasty vile woman, how will you ever trust her again? If you keep the friendship, this will always be lurking in the background. You must be feeling like shit OP

I've been in a similar position, the person spreading the lies got into a right flap when I offered to drop her at her friend's house, then she tried to hurry me away from the door before her friend saw me and invited me in for a cuppa. I was really confused with all the panic until a year later it got back to me what she had been saying. It was so hurtful but fun to look back on now we are NC and remember the state she was in. Take heart that C will be in the same state.

People do stupid stuff. Including bitching about other people. It's not big or clever but it's not usually about the target it's about the initiator.

If you've otherwise found her to be a good friend: if you've had fun with her and she has supported you then it's ok to want to stay friends. But that means straight talking: no games, no cool responses, a straight up honest chat where you say you know the text was about you and you want to understand what's going on.

Let her talk. Her response will tell you whether it's worth trying to move on.

If that is the approach you want to take meet her tomorrow whilst she's still feeling ashamed of herself. If you leave it to long she'll convince herself she was justified.

Personally even if you don't particularly want to stay friends with her I wouldn't want to lose the wider group friendship and getting it out in the open ASAP is best way of ensuring you can all move on

"Doing her usual, all over XXXXX "

That is just a downright lie though isn't it, and nasty with it?

Also the implication that it's a regular thing.

No, she's not worth bothering with.

So did you call her?

That text was definitely about you. I’d proceed with extreme caution. She doesn’t like you amd it sounds like she’ll make shit up to discredit you. Watch that one.

Personally, they’d be dead to me

If you haven't responded I'd be tempted to turn it on its head, put it back on her.

"I'm ok, are you? I haven't liked to mention as wasn't sure if i was reading too much into things, but you've seemed quiet the last few weeks and the text then other day was a bit out of character."

Kinda thing.... in all honesty something might be eating her and she may appreciate the opportunity to open up and come clean. I'm a line manager of staff and if ever anyone does anything that needs addressing on any level of discipline, from small to big, I open the conversation with something similar. "First of all, is everything ok with you?" It gives a good insight on how to proceed I find. And if they go all defensive and arsey, well, hell, you tried to give them a chance.

Thanks for all your replies. This is the first chance I’ve had to come back to the thread.

I did call her and let’s just say that it escalated quickly
I asked her if everything was ok and that I was concerned about the text she had sent yesterday.
She immediately went on the defensive and was saying “that wasn’t meant for you” and “it wasn’t about you anyway.” But then she started saying “why would you think it was about you anyway? Why would I think you were all over XXXX (husband name)?”

I said the timing of the text and the fact that I’d been talking to her husband, plus that she’d seemed off with me the past few weeks was the reason for me asking if there was an issue.
She said there was no issue with me and that she hadn’t been off with me. I said I was glad to hear that and that I hoped things were ok at work with her colleague. She said things were fine but that she had to go and she’d speak to me later.
Clearly desperate to get off the phone from me.
She’s now left the WhatsApp group!

I really cannot be arsed with this now.

What a coward. Like the PP said- they'd be dead to me. Forget them and move on, you sound lovely.

Good lord. She's an arse

She’s now firmly in victim mode. Is t this a kind of tactic used by abusers? Where they get defensive and then turn the tables on their victims and make out they’re being bullied or some such bullshit.