How should I reply to this text?

[JaysusWept]

Namechanged as I've told my work colleague already about this and I know she lurks on here. (She was absolutely no help - she's probably still laughing about it...)

Background is that I've been single for a couple of years after discovering he was cheating. I have an 8 year old DD.
I am friends with a small group who I have known for a few years - met through kids at nursery/starting school, etc. We do playdates, dinners, drinks out, whatsapp group which is used constantly, helping each other out, etc. We are close and I value all of their friendships.
For the past few weeks I have felt that one of the group, who I shall refer to as C, has been a bit 'off' with me. Nothing I can really put my finger on - I don't always do the drop off and pick ups at school for my DD, but when I have and I've seen C she hasn't chatted with me like she usually would, and 2 weeks ago 4 of us went out for drinks and I felt that there was a bit of an atmosphere when I was talking to her, although she was polite enough. There are people that I am closer to in the group but C and I have always been very friendly and have done many things with just the 2 of us.

Yesterday, I picked up my DD from school and C's husband was there to pick up their DD. The 4 of us walked back together and we stopped outside C's house to finish our chat briefly, before I carried on up the street. C came to the door but didn't come over although she did wave.

At 4pm I received a text from C which read "Doing her usual, all over XXXXX (her husband's name) and doing that stupid fucking laugh of hers" with a couple of angry emoticons.
I replied back "?" and she immediately sent back "Ooops, sorry! That was meant for L (mutual friend in group, but who is very close to C), talking about someone at work! Sorry, just delete!"
I didn't reply to that and almost straight after I received a text from L asking if I was up for a night out next weekend.

C was talking about me, wasn't she? L also wouldn't usually text me about a night out as it would be sent through the whatsapp chat.
I didn't do the drop off this morning, but C has text me (not in whatsapp group) to ask if I fancy going over to hers tomorrow after school with DD.
I'm not sure how best to respond.
Am I being paranoid in thinking that text was about me?

For the record, I don't know C's husband particularly well. I've chatted with him at group things we've attended and a few times we've walked home together if we've done school pick ups as I've got to pass their house on my way home. I am not attracted to him, and nothing untoward has ever happened or would happen, although I may very well have a stupid fucking laugh!

Any advice? I actually feel really fucking weirded out by this.

OP a word of advice..... It's not YOU, it's THEM.

They are a pair of two faced bitches and don't start analysing your own behaviour at all. Rise above it and leave them to stew in this mess they have created for themselves.

Silence is so unnerving for some people so leave them thinking and reflecting on how they've behaved. 💐

Great update, OP. You sound very sensible. Hope your chat goes well, and you can all move past this.

Hope it goes OK @JaysusWept

You sound like a decent, balanced person. They should count themselves lucky to have you as a friend.

I'm with Elspeth on this one. I know it seems a bit PA but realistically if they were mature women you could resolve this with sensibly they wouldn't have been bitching behind your back in the first place.

If it gets pulled onto the open then there's going to be a fracturing of the group, and in my experience it will be the smallest faction (you) that gets cut off, or the one that could be a threat (I'm really sorry, and it's bollocks, but again, that's single you that maybe might have possibly been after her DH, and so might be after theirs too)

If you ignore, distance and focus on the remainder of the group, with a breezy 'gosh, no, just really busy' as a pp said if asked if you've fallen out with them then the rest of the group will be same as always, because everyone avoids conflict, especially other people's conflict. Unless L & C admit to not only bitching but getting caught - and that makes them the threat, because they'll bitch about anyone, and you've been totally normal, so can't have been after the DH.

It'll become habit in the end, just 2 people in a wider group that you aren't particularly close to.

For what it's worth I'd be crying in my coffee over this - big time.

Oh OP. I think it was about you. I wouldn't write anything over text just try have a conversation over the phone with her etc. Hopefully this doesn't affect your other friendships.

C sounds insecure, bitchy and a tad bullying to be honest. Has she honestly got nothing better to do once her child arrives home from school other than go racing to her phone to gossip with her pal?

It sounds like someone 12 year olds might do! I would ignore them both and let them sweat. She'll probably start pooping herself that you mention it to the others or to her husband! Then she'll look an even bigger idiot

I'm slightly torn between the previous advice to 'grey rock' both C and L and my own inclination to front up to C and sort it out as best you can.

You will know best as we can't know their full characters, yours, or your best desired outcome.

I think on balance I'd meet face to face with C and start the conversation with something about how she enquired out of the blue if you were OK and that actually you'd been worrying about her. That it seems very unlikely that particular text was about another third party and quite obvious it was most likely about you because of the timing and the responses of both of them towards you since. I wouldn't mention thinking she'd been off with you in the run up to this.

If appropriate I'd also say something about not knowing if she had any cause for concerns about her DH, but to be clear, so far as you're involved you only have an interest in passing the time of day pleasantly because and only because, he's a friend's husband and you have DCs in common. Say it straight that you have no attraction towards him and more importantly, even if you did, you're absolutely not the type of person to do the dirty on a friend. Then say you hope that gets everything out in the open and the record straight and give her a hard stare and possibly a head tilt

It was 100% about you and they've both obviously been bitching about you. I'd step back from them two and tell them exactly why. Fuck that.

Not to mention fake as hell. She waves at you and then sends a text about you like that. Pure gross.

Horrible for you Op. I think Elspeth's advice is great although personally I'd want to speak directly to C, especially as you want to keep the friendship. It's not nice she was talking about you, but in reality, if I thought someone who was a friend was flirting with my DH, then likely I'd cool the friendship too without necessarily confronting them directly.

Stick to the facts. You don't know for sure it was about you. I'd be taking her offer up of a cuppa. After a short while bring it up in front of her, ask about the woman at work in question and that she's not mention it. You'd be able to gauge from her reaction if she's telling the truth. That way you'll know for sure it was about you and can distance yourself. At the moment you don't know for sure and it'd be a shame to throw away two friendships based on an assumption.

They have bitched about you and mocked you behind your back for God knows how long. Accusing you of effectively being a family wrecker.

Then they lie to you.

Then they collaborate on these lies together.

Then they bombard you with numerous texts (lies) whilst you are at work.

She could have picked up the phone, popped round, or text to say I am really sorry.

She hasn’t done that.

She has just added insult to injury by her follow on actions which are 100% all about her standing and 0% about remorse or your feelings.

Be careful with someone like this if you rattle their cage. Don’t expect her to behave rationally or nicely. She hasn’t done to date by the bitching and hasn’t even the grace to apologise when caught red handed.

Hi OP,

You poor thing. What a difficult thing to hear some one say. I totally understand why you don't want to cut ties with the group, but it must now be tainted.

I agree with you, it's a good idea to actually phone C later. If it were me, I would say some thing along the lines of:

"Hi C, thanks for checking in on me earlier. To be frank, the text you accidentally sent me has been really bothering me. I'm not going to ask you to confirm or deny that it was actually about me (no need to add fuel to the fire by getting her overly defensive), but in case it was I just need you to know, I am absolutely not trying it on with your husband. I enjoy chatting with him, like I do with you, when we are walking DDs home from school etc, but that's it. Like I've said before, I am genuinely very happy being single right now, but even if I weren't, I certainly wouldn't start chasing my friends' husbands. On top of that, with respect, he's not my type. I just need you to know that and I'd like us to move on."

Then draw a line under it, continue with the rest of your friends and the group as a whole but maybe keep a distance from the bitchy two in one on one events.

I think L is stirring the pot, as pp said C's mis-text to you is clearly a reply to a query, and presumably that query came from L

If you want to keep the group, then I would just explain to C that you were not taken in by her excuse about the message not being about you and that you are disappointed she could ever imagine you would go after someone else's husband.

L is putting you in the firing line... her and C's dh are at it. I am never wrong when it comes to Strictly Come Dancing, and I don't think I am here either!

oooh cross posted with @BakingWithGlitter, that's a perfect response.

and do the pointy finger eye to eye thing next time you see L!

Just another one here to say Elspeth’s advice is PERFECT. I’m bookmarking that for future reference 😄

Agree that @BakingWithGlitter's message is a good way to deal with it. Ideally face to face or over the phone, rather than via text.

What a shame OP, finding out your friends aren't who you thought they were must be a shock. I'd definitely call her later and call her out on it. Hope you're okay

I wouldn’t be weirded out’ by it-I would just think it was nasty.

SmellbowSpaceBowl

"Doing her usual, all over XXXXX (her husband's name) and doing that stupid fucking laugh of hers" with a couple of angry emoticons

She's spreading gossip around that YOU are deliberately flirting with her dh.
Either she truly believes this - or she's choosing to create drama because she wants the attention.
Whichever it is - DO NOT GO ROUND TO HER HOUSE!
Don't fall for that trap.
Cos no matter how your conversation goes, you've just given her even more ammunition to use - "I invited her round and she spent the time talking about/doing xyz!"

I wouldn't speak to her on the phone either.
I would ask to meet her in person in a public setting, then ask her straight if she thinks you're after her husband.

I would go with what Bakingwithglitter said.

Sorry OP, this is shitty and you don’t deserve it.

Am I the only one thinking that perhaps her DH has suggested that you were flirting with him?

Doing her usual...all over xxx....her stupid fucking laugh.

There is real contempt in that message. C is not concerned if you are okay. She is worried that you are going to tell her husband and the others. She and L have likely been spouting this venom for a while.

Empower yourself by following @ElspethFlashman’s wise advice. If you try to engage with them, they will twist and manipulate whatever you say.