How should I reply to this text?

[JaysusWept]

Namechanged as I've told my work colleague already about this and I know she lurks on here. (She was absolutely no help - she's probably still laughing about it...)

Background is that I've been single for a couple of years after discovering he was cheating. I have an 8 year old DD.
I am friends with a small group who I have known for a few years - met through kids at nursery/starting school, etc. We do playdates, dinners, drinks out, whatsapp group which is used constantly, helping each other out, etc. We are close and I value all of their friendships.
For the past few weeks I have felt that one of the group, who I shall refer to as C, has been a bit 'off' with me. Nothing I can really put my finger on - I don't always do the drop off and pick ups at school for my DD, but when I have and I've seen C she hasn't chatted with me like she usually would, and 2 weeks ago 4 of us went out for drinks and I felt that there was a bit of an atmosphere when I was talking to her, although she was polite enough. There are people that I am closer to in the group but C and I have always been very friendly and have done many things with just the 2 of us.

Yesterday, I picked up my DD from school and C's husband was there to pick up their DD. The 4 of us walked back together and we stopped outside C's house to finish our chat briefly, before I carried on up the street. C came to the door but didn't come over although she did wave.

At 4pm I received a text from C which read "Doing her usual, all over XXXXX (her husband's name) and doing that stupid fucking laugh of hers" with a couple of angry emoticons.
I replied back "?" and she immediately sent back "Ooops, sorry! That was meant for L (mutual friend in group, but who is very close to C), talking about someone at work! Sorry, just delete!"
I didn't reply to that and almost straight after I received a text from L asking if I was up for a night out next weekend.

C was talking about me, wasn't she? L also wouldn't usually text me about a night out as it would be sent through the whatsapp chat.
I didn't do the drop off this morning, but C has text me (not in whatsapp group) to ask if I fancy going over to hers tomorrow after school with DD.
I'm not sure how best to respond.
Am I being paranoid in thinking that text was about me?

For the record, I don't know C's husband particularly well. I've chatted with him at group things we've attended and a few times we've walked home together if we've done school pick ups as I've got to pass their house on my way home. I am not attracted to him, and nothing untoward has ever happened or would happen, although I may very well have a stupid fucking laugh!

Any advice? I actually feel really fucking weirded out by this.

Be polite to everyone but let them get on with it. How much do you really rely on them? You can build up another support group which isnt such hard work. You dont need it.

It's awful that they're going along with excluding you and allowing C to vilify you. I'd be very wary of their friendships or what remains.

If your friends show sign of not believing you
@JaysusWept then I would consider sharing this thread with your friends- it has a timeline and shows that you are completely innocent of what she has accused you of!

You are completely entitled to feel disappointed in how they have behaved regarding the new WA group and meeting at C’s for drinks on Friday! C is clearly a vindictive liar and if they choose her over you then more fool them when she ostracises them due to her insane jealousy and paranoia!

How to alienate all of your friends in one swift text:

“If your friends show sign of not believing you
@JaysusWept then I would consider sharing this thread with your friends- it has a timeline and shows that you are completely innocent of what she has accused you of! “

I wouldn't give up on the other friends quite yet. This is probably their first meet up after this all blew up so maybe they're going to attend the drinks just to see what C says and does. K seems to be keeping you informed somewhat and may be using the drinks to gather some information. I'd go to the lunch, see how K behaves (without sharing anything yourself that could be taken back to the group) and go from there. If K was shit-stirring then she'd try and meet you before the drinks so that she had some gossip to share with the others.

Go for the lunch with K on Sunday, but do not utter one word about C or the situation. If she brings it up just say you would rather not talk about it and ruin the lunch. Do not divulge anything important to her. She needs to prove that she can be trusted. Keep the lunch light and fun, tell her you understand it is a difficult position. It is possible K will stay/become a proper friend. She has at least offered support and lunch. You may find the friendship thrives away from the group, although you will have to be careful not to confide in her for at least a while, and she is likely to feel awkward at school caught between you and C.

Most likely the others feel caught in the middle too, and want to remain on good terms with everyone.

However, I would guard against calling them proper friends or even real friends now. A real friend would stand up for you, and have your back.

I am afraid you were in a ‘nasty’ group from the beginning, you just didn’t see it before. Sorry op.

With a little luck K will come through for you, and over time may come to mean more to you than the group anyway. Stay out of groups in the future, and focus on one to one friends, it’s the only way to avoid this kind of stress and upset...there is always one bad apple 🍎

How old are the children involved with this fall out and what affect will it have on them?

Just thinking if you all got to know each other through your children at school it might be best to limit the damage on them.

I think if I were in that group, I'd probably stay neutral. It's difficult to take sides, Queen Bee or not. I think this is doubly the case here, because the group started together at school.

I probably would hire a solicitor to write a letter threatening legal action for defamation, unless C apologizes publicly, or in writing to you. I know this is silly, but it's a "scorched earth" policy, and C will soon learn that words have consequences. However, this will only work if you are willing, OP, to issue a claim (even if yourself) if she refuses to apologize. Otherwise, it will appear she is telling the truth.

@Marchitectmummy
On an earlier message the op said her daughter is 8 years old

is it wrong, that I'm hoping the Media picks this one up, so that OP can be cleared of all wrong doing, and C and her husband are shown up for the liars that they are..

shuffles off to a dark corner.

How did school collection go OP?

ClaireElizabeth sorry but that's a dreadful piece of advice.

@LazyDaisey I did say if they are not believing her, in which case isn’t that (alienation) exactly what they are doing to the OP with the new WA group and their girls night at C’s house on Friday night? Her friends are ‘collectively’ alienating her- I can’t see what she has to lose!

If anything, this thread has a timeline that can’t be argued with! Saying that, the friends might be on here already - in which case I hope they realise that Caroline and L are two faced liars!

Have you got other friends OP? I would move away from them, it sounds like they've been bitching about you and dropped a clanger with the accidental text.

Op I am from Glasgow, and if they are anything like the parents at my kids school, then I totally think they are a bunch of fannies,horrible horrible people with nothing better to do you sound so much better than them stay strong

Perhaps it is dreadful @Independentcandidate however this is a public forum and there is every chance that one of the four would come across this post anyway! The OP has clearly done nothing wrong yet has been ostracised from her friendship group. Despite the olive tree of k meeting the OP on Sunday, the whole group minus OP will be making a very clear statement in regard to what they think of the OP if they attend C’s house on Friday night!

It’s horrendous behaviour by grown women who frankly are behaving like schoolgirls. I have been on the receiving end of similar treatment (different circumstances) to this and in the end was forced to move my children to a different school! We couldn’t even attend parents evening without an awful atmosphere! My dd was ostracised from her friendship group because of pathetic behaviour of one grown woman who was Queen Bee! I took the high road at the time but I wish that I had evidence similar to this thread, I would have shared it in a heartbeat!

Would go for lunch with them, see what happens. If they sound like they want to be friends with everyone then explain that c has really hurt you and has said slanderous things about you so wouldn't feel comfortable staying friends with her friends.

What’s her personality like OP? Is she a bit of a Queen Bee? Does she tend to take the lead socially? If it makes you feel any better if I were a close friend of yours I would have nothing to do with her, so I completely understand why you’re upset with the other girls in the group.

If you want to keep a friend the meet k as I said. Personally I wouldn’t want anything to do with any of them. Any kind of friendship would be severely compromised once they joined her for drinks on Friday.

OP I am from Glasgow, and if they are anything like the parents at my kids school, then I totally think they are a bunch of fannies,horrible horrible people with nothing better to do you sound so much better than them stay strong

agreed

Thanks for all the messages.
DD is 8. She’s good friends particularly with C’s DD and K’s DD, and gets along well with L, M and D’s kids too.
Since starting school, we’ve all done a lot of things together as a group, which the kids have loved.
C and K have known one another longer as their kids were at the same nursery, but my DD and K’s DD were also at the same dance club before they started school, which is how I met K and then was introduced to the others over time.

I’m hoping this doesn’t impact on DD’s friendships, but I’m not sure that C would be keen on play dates, and I’m guessing I’m going to be excluded from the whole group activities now...

I haven’t heard from anyone this evening. No messages on WhatsApp group. There’d usually be some activity throughout the day - usually moans about work/life - but there’s been no activity in it at all... Perhaps I should start a conversation in it and see how that goes. Feels so fucking awkward now! As has been previously mentioned, I do think it would be nice to know that they were calling C out on her bullshit, rather than appeasing it/siding with her. The neautral middle ground really doesn’t work when someone is a troublemaking boot.

I’m doing pick up tomorrow. Not sure whether it will be C or her husband picking up.
I’m practicing my most frosty looking expression

Charitably, I wonder are they planning to hear C out on Friday and then tell her what they think of her behaviour.

Only you know your friends op. Do any of them have a moral backbone to stand up to her?

I've been in the complete opposite situation, where my friend HAD made a move on my boyfriend. She knew that he had told me about it. Before I could even speak to her about it, she loudly and vocally announced her innocence to anyone who would listen. I walked away from the group, and kept a couple of friends. I've never really done group socialising since.

You are, painfully, finding out who your friends are.

I would look for a new circle (not easy I know) and hope that your DD gets to keep her friends.

I'll bet there's a 3rd WhatsApp group going on with neither you or C and the others going wtf?!

You have repeatedly expressed disappointment with the other 3.

This is a real shame and could cost you dear, unnecessarily. Also playing into C’s hands.

You don’t know what they’ve done or said, or what they plan to do or say when the time is right.

Don’t demonise them.

Get your perspective back, otherwise this will escalate further and your DD will suffer much more than you.

Keep calm, connected, breezy and bemused. Show them all how you can move on. The 3 will be relieved I believe. Don’t get paranoid.