How should I reply to this text?

[JaysusWept]

Namechanged as I've told my work colleague already about this and I know she lurks on here. (She was absolutely no help - she's probably still laughing about it...)

Background is that I've been single for a couple of years after discovering he was cheating. I have an 8 year old DD.
I am friends with a small group who I have known for a few years - met through kids at nursery/starting school, etc. We do playdates, dinners, drinks out, whatsapp group which is used constantly, helping each other out, etc. We are close and I value all of their friendships.
For the past few weeks I have felt that one of the group, who I shall refer to as C, has been a bit 'off' with me. Nothing I can really put my finger on - I don't always do the drop off and pick ups at school for my DD, but when I have and I've seen C she hasn't chatted with me like she usually would, and 2 weeks ago 4 of us went out for drinks and I felt that there was a bit of an atmosphere when I was talking to her, although she was polite enough. There are people that I am closer to in the group but C and I have always been very friendly and have done many things with just the 2 of us.

Yesterday, I picked up my DD from school and C's husband was there to pick up their DD. The 4 of us walked back together and we stopped outside C's house to finish our chat briefly, before I carried on up the street. C came to the door but didn't come over although she did wave.

At 4pm I received a text from C which read "Doing her usual, all over XXXXX (her husband's name) and doing that stupid fucking laugh of hers" with a couple of angry emoticons.
I replied back "?" and she immediately sent back "Ooops, sorry! That was meant for L (mutual friend in group, but who is very close to C), talking about someone at work! Sorry, just delete!"
I didn't reply to that and almost straight after I received a text from L asking if I was up for a night out next weekend.

C was talking about me, wasn't she? L also wouldn't usually text me about a night out as it would be sent through the whatsapp chat.
I didn't do the drop off this morning, but C has text me (not in whatsapp group) to ask if I fancy going over to hers tomorrow after school with DD.
I'm not sure how best to respond.
Am I being paranoid in thinking that text was about me?

For the record, I don't know C's husband particularly well. I've chatted with him at group things we've attended and a few times we've walked home together if we've done school pick ups as I've got to pass their house on my way home. I am not attracted to him, and nothing untoward has ever happened or would happen, although I may very well have a stupid fucking laugh!

Any advice? I actually feel really fucking weirded out by this.

I was “Mean-Girlsed” by my social circle too. I was really hurt by this at the time, because I had no idea why. Now I am hurt and pissed off. It has affected my daughter’s friendship group as well. I have to be polite and not tell this herd of superior bitches what massive hypocunts they’ve been, and nod and smile from a distance. I am fucking furious about the shit I have heard reported about myself - including that I am now anorexic like my mother was.... (I have lost 60kg in the last three years because of massive lifestyle changes, and I will not be sucked back into the unhealthy headspace I was in before!) Anyhow as comments about my weight are a recurring theme, I have begun to suspect that perhaps this shitstorm is all jealousy about my weight loss. (My BMI is 22, btw. Couldn’t possibly be mistaken for anorexic. I am slim but still curvy and well-padded. Perfectly happy with that, too!)

I think you've done all the right things so far OP.

I'd just urge caution about breaking your friendship with the other people. They're still processing what's happened and they haven't had the same set of information in the same order as you and they surely haven't done as much thinking about it as you. They've just so far been passively added to a WA group. Unless you know they're stoking the flames of the drama or deliberately cosying up to C, I'd reserve judgment for a while.

I've been in a similar situation and presented the same way as you did, rising above it, being bigger person, and not showing how hurt or angry I was. I still think that was the right thing to do but it did affect how my mutual friends reacted to the "C". I then felt terribly let down by them.

In hindsight, I can see they were kind of (passively) reacting how I'd shown them to. Not overtly taking sides, not whipping up further drama by cutting the C off etc etc. I realise years later that the C's behaviour had affected how they thought of her and the friendships dissipated, it's just they didn't all overtly form dramatic allegiances. Which actually was quite mature.

And so their behaviour was much more in keeping with how I'd played my response. I do wish I'd told them how hurt/worried I was though as I think they'd have then shown me
more how they did care.

Your friends are clearly thriving on the she said/she said drama of the situation and they've joined the WA group because they're scared of missing and/or they're worried that if they don't, C will come after them. It sounds like K is the only one who has your back – she didn't have to tell you about the WA group but did – but even then I'd be careful about what she's feeding back to C. I would disengage with the lot of them at least for the next week. If the gossip spreads though, I would seriously think about giving C 24 hours to retrieve the messages or she'll be receiving a solicitor's letter about defamation.

I’m curious to know if her dh knows?
What if he chats to you at pick up.

I once went to see some old friends to find the creep in the group claimed he slept with me .
I was about 24 at the time as soon as they joked about it to me I denied it but they all laughed the second he arrived I called out hey creep I hear we slept together when was this as I have never knowledge of it and would dearly like some info.
He went red and I continued no come on you told everyone so you have to tell me, or you can admit it is not true.
He mummble sorry it isn't true, and everyone laughed at him.
Maybe time to call her on it in front of everyone, and tell her you will ask her husband next time he is at school if she has no answers.

Woops, punctuation missing above.

I was the rude mum throughout those years of lower and middle school. The ‘gangs’ blanked me in the main because I was a working mum and the vast majority weren’t. Occasional digs about me ‘giving the girls a treat by collecting them’.

It’s really hard when they’re little, your social life revolves around their activity and it’s hard to have a hobby where you can go out and meet new people.

I’m sorry your other friends aren’t standing up for you, but it’s the standard reaction to someone being bullied - they don’t want to be the next target. Plus they seem to be quite enjoying the drama? Fuckers.

You have behaved impeccably through out. But it must be exhausting now. K has already told you unprompted that C has form. These types leave a trail of destruction behind them.

I would be optimistic that the other 3 are trying not to feed the flames by overtly taking sides so that is why they are passive. They are also at risk themselves if they make one false move. I believe they will come round once the coast is clear.

But don’t trust them for now.....keep it breezy and light. If they bring it up just say that you have nothing more to say on the matter.

OP, you’re not seeing it from K’s perspective. Although she knows that C can be a drama queen they go back longer than you and just dropping her and demanding more evidence is going to fuel the fire.

The others are caught in the middle. Whether it’s far fetched or not they have your word against hers and are having to navigate this situation.

If K wasn’t supportive of you she wouldn’t have told you about the other group and told you what’s happening. The fact that she is means she is trying to manage the situation and seems to be on your side.

The problem is that the children might be impacted if they’re in the same friendship group and all the parents fall out.

From the way you’ve described K before (think it was her from your previous posts!) she sounds reasonable. Going all out no contact with C isn’t the way to handle this when you’re friends through school.

If this was a friendship group that didn’t involve your children it could potentially be handled differently.

Just to clarify I don’t mean you but the others, I get why you want to drop contact with C!

What a nightmare! I’m really sorry, OP. Leaving aside C’s behaviour, this is just a really stressful situation. You had what you thought was a fun, close and supportive group of friends... Then boom. For no reason. Out of the blue.

After your ex husband and now this, I bet you’re thoroughly sick of people right now!

Don't make the mistake I did. I fell out with a mum from my daughter's school over similar behaviour. She was a real Queen Bee mum and made not only me but my 8 year old daughter suffer. She regularly invited all of the girls in DD's friendship group over for playdates, held picnics in the park, Saturday mornings at roller rinks/bowling etc always excluding my daughter. Gradually my little girl became the social pariah and was bullied at school. It culminated in me having to move her to a different school. The other mums didn't stand up for us because they knew that if they did, their children would be next.

Be brighter than me and rise above it all. I realise now that I played into the woman's hands. You are so much better than this petty, insecure woman.

Don't lose faith in people. There are some lovely people out there too. At my DD's new school, the mums and their children have all been really kind to us and finally, after a year of exclusion, we're included. Only give your friendship to people who deserve it!!

Rosie102 Virtually the same happened with me and my daughter. I kept my daughter at the school and my daughter eventually found her own small group of friends.

I was very glad to hear our children would be at different secondary schools. The other mums seemed to all take the Queen B's side but gradually seemed to start talking to me again - but only when she wasn't there.

I've just heard that she has turned on another mum now - and yet no one seems to realise it is her with the problem.

My take on it all is that she is scared of interlopers and scared of losing her exclusive group of friends and of other children stealing her child's friends. Perhaps she was Wendied in the past and this is her extreme anti-Wendying.

But I thought I was friends with her.

Thanks for all the messages.
And sorry that so many others have been through similar.

I'm just completely baffled as to why C has chosen to target me. And in this way. What a completely shitty, poisonous thing to make up about me. I think I just have to accept that I may never know, and that this is just the type of person she is.

K has told me today that C has invited them all over on Friday night for drinks. So, I shall fully expect my ears to be burning
I've told K, M and D that I don't expect them to take sides, and they've said they believe me - but if they did then why would they still be entertaining C? Why would they want to be friends with a troublemaking liar?
So, either they don't actually believe me, they believe her, or they don't know what to believe and they're hedging their bets.
Either way, it feels pretty shitty.

K did suggest that we go out for lunch on Sunday - not sure if she's invited M and D as well. I've said yes, but I feel a bit funny about the whole thing now. I don't think I can remain friends with people who are staying friends with such an utter bitch who appears to have it in for me.

Wow, what a bitch she is...she is obviously panicking and inviting the girls over to keep the friendship.

They are scared of her.

I think that K is your friend as she is telling you loads and arranged a lunch date. Take this up and enjoy it. Don’t talk about C anymore and tell her that you don’t want to hear anymore of C’s antics either.

Don’t get bitter or paranoid about the other 3 - this is EXACTLY what C’s wants. They are scared, probably don’t want any part of this drama but are not risking ruffling C’s feathers as they don’t want to be her next victim. Maybe they are just quietly assessing their escape routes.

They will come round. But don’t give them any info.

I would meet the others on Sunday. Sometimes the queen bee has such power that people just go along with it as they don't want to be the target of the next drama.

You’ve done nothing wrong , go for lunch & be honest.
You can’t argue with logic.
Put your cards on the table with K, tell her you’re to old to be ostracised by women for no reason and for the other women to be entertaining it makes you seriously question their judgement . You feel very confused and betrayed by women who had supported you.
If the shoe was on Ks foot how would she feel and what would she do moving forward?
Then take your leave, these women sound terrible.

Hang in there. You are doing great.

I’d give K as well as M/D benefit of doubt. Definitely go to lunch.

Head up and smile at pick up later and rest of week. Be early. Stay in playground. Chat to K, M, D. Show nothing to hide. If topic raised repeat your surprise and no idea wtf she is on about.

Also, how often does husband do pick-up/drop-off? I would personally chat to him when he does. Likely to be oblivious and may get you to the bottom of it.

I wouldn't cut the others off yet. They're probably still trying to figure out if it's possible that C could be telling the truth - I would always give people the benefit of the doubt before completely coming to any conclusion or judgment. If, as she says, the screenshots had been deleted, perhaps one of them knows how to retrieve them? Perhaps ask them to assist her with this, then she can prove it beyond all doubt. Obviously this won't be possible...

I agree, the other 3 are probably a bit shell shocked. If they are decent people they probably just want it all to go away and the friendship to be reset to 'normal'. I'd stick with them and see how things pan out whilst they sort through their feelings. I often think when a friendship group implodes, there are almost grieving feelings that go on for some members if the friendships are really important to them.

As for WhatsApp, you are added in you don't join so in effect it's against your will. Of course you can leave but we all know what a statement 'x left the chat' makes.

OP, I have been reading the full thread since the start and I'm appalled on your behalf. They sound like complete cows - all of them.

I'm from the Glasgow area, around your age with school age kids- if you ever fancy a night out and a new nice friend, then feel free to send me a message and we can organise a cuppa! There is women out there who appreciate friendship and enjoy drama free zones!

I have to disagree with some of the comments.

There was a perfectly good WhatsApp group they were all happy to use. Then C flounced followed by L. C set up an new group and has excluded just the OP.

By being in this group, chatting in it and accepting invites through it they are accepting this and also contributing to excluding OP.

That is not what friends do. That is not the action of people who believe C has lost the plot and that OP is innocent.

It is the action of people happy to stay in the group at OPs expense.

Even if they haven't posted in the group they have accepted an evening out deliberately excluding OP who they say they believe is innocent of this.

A friend goes hang on a minute this isn't right...

Don't give up on the other friends just yet, you don't know what C is telling them.

Use the lunch invite as an opportunity to set the record straight