How should I reply to this text?

[JaysusWept]

Namechanged as I've told my work colleague already about this and I know she lurks on here. (She was absolutely no help - she's probably still laughing about it...)

Background is that I've been single for a couple of years after discovering he was cheating. I have an 8 year old DD.
I am friends with a small group who I have known for a few years - met through kids at nursery/starting school, etc. We do playdates, dinners, drinks out, whatsapp group which is used constantly, helping each other out, etc. We are close and I value all of their friendships.
For the past few weeks I have felt that one of the group, who I shall refer to as C, has been a bit 'off' with me. Nothing I can really put my finger on - I don't always do the drop off and pick ups at school for my DD, but when I have and I've seen C she hasn't chatted with me like she usually would, and 2 weeks ago 4 of us went out for drinks and I felt that there was a bit of an atmosphere when I was talking to her, although she was polite enough. There are people that I am closer to in the group but C and I have always been very friendly and have done many things with just the 2 of us.

Yesterday, I picked up my DD from school and C's husband was there to pick up their DD. The 4 of us walked back together and we stopped outside C's house to finish our chat briefly, before I carried on up the street. C came to the door but didn't come over although she did wave.

At 4pm I received a text from C which read "Doing her usual, all over XXXXX (her husband's name) and doing that stupid fucking laugh of hers" with a couple of angry emoticons.
I replied back "?" and she immediately sent back "Ooops, sorry! That was meant for L (mutual friend in group, but who is very close to C), talking about someone at work! Sorry, just delete!"
I didn't reply to that and almost straight after I received a text from L asking if I was up for a night out next weekend.

C was talking about me, wasn't she? L also wouldn't usually text me about a night out as it would be sent through the whatsapp chat.
I didn't do the drop off this morning, but C has text me (not in whatsapp group) to ask if I fancy going over to hers tomorrow after school with DD.
I'm not sure how best to respond.
Am I being paranoid in thinking that text was about me?

For the record, I don't know C's husband particularly well. I've chatted with him at group things we've attended and a few times we've walked home together if we've done school pick ups as I've got to pass their house on my way home. I am not attracted to him, and nothing untoward has ever happened or would happen, although I may very well have a stupid fucking laugh!

Any advice? I actually feel really fucking weirded out by this.

I think the others know she is lying. But, I would still be looking for a new group of friends.

You’re amazing op. Single mum dumped on by a shitty man - then have some batshit bitch try to paint you as a husband stealer. Wtf - hold your head high, you’re teaching your daughter what it is to be a decent human. You’ve conducted yourself with integrity and grace.
She is the biggest shit at the shit show. Frankly I don’t care where you are in the country if you want some support in the playground I’m willing to travel

I am so sorry. You are right, if they were good friends, they would have called C out on her crappy behaviour.

Please find yourself some new friends. Some lovely ones who will have your back and be super supportive. Don't waste your time on these horrid, horrid women.

Sorry op. What shitness.

I'm clinging on to the hope that the reason they're in the new group is to observe and feed back to you (I would probably not leave a group like that but either gather all the news from it or mute it)

How did you find out about it?

They all joined the new Whatsapp because they are thriving on the gossip and the drama and are feeding off of both sides OP. She will be feeding their insatiable appetite with lies and bullshit about how her wonderful Husband rejected you despite you continually trying to get him into bed, imagine the worst and times it by ten, and they will be relishing every moment of it. Scum is what they all are.

I wouldn’t bank on the fact the others are keeping in touch with op to support her, it is more likely they are relaying information back to c given what we know now.

Don’t trust them an inch, don’t engage any further with any of them. If a good egg surfaces from the wreckage, in time you will be able to see if she is genuine.

Rest assured the others do not feel good about this, nor do they believe there is any real friendship between any of them now. This is preservation pure and simple.

I am sorry op but given the developments you may need to prepare yourself for the following:

1. They may well all have been gossiping about you for quite a while. It maybe they were all in on C’s concerns way before you knew about it

2. This could escalate at school, with C and others making yours and dds life very difficult. Obviously the school can be alerted quietly if this happens. Try and encourage dd to play with lots of other children now, if she is good friends with their children. Start inviting other children home and broadening her horizons socially so the impact is lessened if they do take the gloves off.

I hope they won’t sink to this, but it’s better that you are prepared if they do. This is pretty low by anyone standards, but don’t underestimate C. Be vigilant.

That's really shitty of them OP. You've handled this all with such class.

I would feel exactly the same as you but don’t write the others off yet. This whole thing is so crazy that they must be reeling still. As you are.

Give them a bit of time. Keep your head high this week and see who rallies round you. We’re here.

Where do you live roughly op? I am sure mn can rally if you need us too.
I am cross on your behalf, but better friends are the future

Jaysus unfortunately you are at the sharp end of normal human group dynamics.

While it was a "lovely" group of friends as long as everyone had their social needs met..... C has disrupted that by introducing her power play.
There's no going back.

Your other friends will not want to be pulled into the drama, and C will be excellent at selling a socially acceptable story that will allow them to continue as if nothing had happened.

Your only consolation is knowing that at some point in the future, someone else will be her target.

I also suspect that they are in the new WA group because they feel what's going on is between you and C. I wouldn't worry too much though because give her enough rope and she'll hang herself with them too.

Keep your head high and your dignity, you'll be glad you did in year's to come. As shit as you're feeling she's fucked up and she knows it and I bet she's feeling embarrassed and shit. I bet it's kept her awake too. She's been a bitch and accidentally sent you a text and she has just carried on digging herself a bigger and bigger hole. IME, the other ladies are not stupid and they can see what's going on, but they're probably trying to keep out of it. Of course L stuck by C's side because the message was going to her, which implicated her in the bitchiness.

I don't think her or anyone else believes there's ever been anything between you and her DH. Her actions don't match and it doesn't make sense. Your other friends aren't stupid and they will know this, even if they don't feel like getting in the middle of her drama.

They won’t have joined the group or accepted the invite, they were added to it and haven’t left the group -yet. They probably realise C is somewhat unhinged but maybe don’t want to antagonise her or are humouring her to try and keep the peace.

I’d be inclined to message the three you’re in contact with to say you don’t want them to be caught in the middle and appreciate they may want to maintain their friendship with C but to be cautious as she’s a bit of a loose cannon.

C is going to be manoeuvring the others to alienate you. Would also message the others to say this has really upset you and you could do with a night out and see if you can organise something, you need to keep your relationship with them as normal as possible and try to see them sooner rather than later to avoid it getting awkward later.

If they make excuses and avoid wanting to see you, time to exit the WA group too and find some new friends.

I think they joined the other group not necessarily because they believe her, but because they want front row seats for the action. They can see that C is going to entertain them for a while with her sheer mentalness and instead of hearing it second hand they want some of it. If that wasn't the case I think they would have told C how ridiculous she was being and to apologise.

I agree with previous poster, unless you clear your name the rest are no longer "friends" you have to own this and confront the husband as well.

Absolutely not. You own your own shit. Never, ever internalize other people's. This is someone else's problem. It has nothing at all do do with OP, who can only control her own behaviour and not that of C. It's C who has trust issues with her DH. It's C who sends bitchy texts about other people and then goes nuclear when it's discovered. It's C who is completely incapable of owning her own batshit behaviour, so is trying to turn it into another person's problem. (NB. she will destroy you, as stated by another PP, is very over-dramatic. It's the school playground, not the HoC).

Returning to C, the minute you start racing to 'defend yourself', you've already lost. Although things might seem the opposite way round, taking on a non-defensive stance actually places you in a much more powerful position. It's been described as 'fighting a fog bank'. Your assailant has nowhere else to go.

Nothing frustrates the Cs of this world [euphemism deliberate] more than this. Just let her gossip her way around ever-decreasing circles and allow her enough rope.

If you don't.... She's won....

No, she hasn't. These were never friends in the first place, and the regrouping in a separate WA group has confirmed this. It doesn't seem this way now, but 'C' has done OP a favour. OP, the only thing to be done now, if you don't want to keep inflaming the situation (thereby playing into C's hands who wants to paint you as the aggressor and guilty party) is to retreat with dignity. All you can take from it is that you now have the measure of what these people are, and of what sort of behaviour you won't accept from a so-called friend.

The only way to 'win' in games with people like C is not to play.

Why are people making excuses for the other 3? If I were them and a true friend of the OP’s I’d have left the group straight away. They’re weak

Instead they are condoning her behaviour. They’re all bitches. You are better off out of all of their lives OP. You deserve better friends

Drop the rope.

Threads like these make me so nervous about becoming a school run mum. I'm going to end up being the 'rude/stuck up' drop off mum who doesn't speak, picks up the kids and leaves in a flash to avoid drama.

@InvisibleWomenMustBeRead is correct. M, K and D are indeed ‘going along’ with C’s heinous behavior toward you. The injustice of her slander is appalling, as is the support the others are now giving her.

Their values are showing and they are incompatible with yours. They are unwilling to do the right thing. Empower yourself by disengaging from all of them.

So sorry OP

@MarianVanArkleStinks so if you were accused of doing something you haven't you'd just sit and say nothing and let the likes of C poison everyone from neighbours to playground mums against you??? Gossip is gossip and when it comes to husband stealers OP is going to be completely ostracised!

Fuck that.... your setting OP up for a very lonely school life.... And being the bigger person is great If and only if you have a much wider circle and non related groups of friends.

We have had a very similar situation at my youngests school.... I don't know the people involved but I've heard all the stories and I only do pick up once a week!

You don't have to accept a WhatsApp group invite do you, you get added automatically and leave if you choose to.

None of us know what is going on in the other group they may well have called c out some may have left! They may have not commented and be torn as to what to do! The Op is shocked by C's actions and it's happened to her it's no unresolved to think the friends are!! Of course they equally might be bitches or drama lovers or anything in between. But there is a tendency to go nuclear on thread like this when actually sometimes it's best for the op to take a step back and get the facts before reacting! All we know is there is a group and they were in it a one point (and we don't even know where that information is from and how reliable it is C has form for making shit up).

The op confronting C's DH in the playground won't stop gossip it will make it worse! He will either defend his wife and back her up Op looks guilty. Or will side with op in which case everyone will just think they 2 guilty parties are covering each other's back!! It's not about letting C get away with anything! It's about the op not escalating it all further and making it worse.

Op has all the texts from the first wrong text to the play date to all the others if/when she is presented with incorrect information about herself she can correct it and back it up! C has nothing! People worth being friends with will see that the rest can happily wait their turns to see her true colours.

@MarianVanArkleStinks so if you were accused of doing something you haven't you'd just sit and say nothing and let the likes of C poison everyone from neighbours to playground mums against you???

Yep. What other people think of me is none of my business. I'll chat to anyone in the playground but am not interested in gossiping, listening to gossip, or banding together in groups. And there are many people out there who similarly don't have time for that crap.

The whole thing is extremely juvenile, and I happen to be a grown-up.

There's no evidence that the other 3 are anything apart from bewildered bystanders whose friendship group has imploded.

If theyre gone, theyre gone but if they haven't don't push them away. That's what C is desperate for you to do....her text was all about warning you off talking to them about this.

She needs you to be a villain to justify her jealousy.

She wants a fight over the other 3 to take attention away from the bitchy texts.

Don't be cool or over keen. Just behave as you've always done and tell the truth about how this has affected you if asked.

Northie

I do exactly the same, I spent years not knowing anyone and then got to know a few mums.

Fucking batshit they were!

I am back to being the rude mum that comes in, drops off and leaves.

I honestly don’t feel the need to make friends with school mums because we have the school in common. Better to find like-minded people through hobbies etc