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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

How should I reply to this text?

999 replies

JaysusWept · 12/09/2019 10:34

Namechanged as I've told my work colleague already about this and I know she lurks on here. (She was absolutely no help - she's probably still laughing about it...)

Background is that I've been single for a couple of years after discovering he was cheating. I have an 8 year old DD.
I am friends with a small group who I have known for a few years - met through kids at nursery/starting school, etc. We do playdates, dinners, drinks out, whatsapp group which is used constantly, helping each other out, etc. We are close and I value all of their friendships.
For the past few weeks I have felt that one of the group, who I shall refer to as C, has been a bit 'off' with me. Nothing I can really put my finger on - I don't always do the drop off and pick ups at school for my DD, but when I have and I've seen C she hasn't chatted with me like she usually would, and 2 weeks ago 4 of us went out for drinks and I felt that there was a bit of an atmosphere when I was talking to her, although she was polite enough. There are people that I am closer to in the group but C and I have always been very friendly and have done many things with just the 2 of us.

Yesterday, I picked up my DD from school and C's husband was there to pick up their DD. The 4 of us walked back together and we stopped outside C's house to finish our chat briefly, before I carried on up the street. C came to the door but didn't come over although she did wave.

At 4pm I received a text from C which read "Doing her usual, all over XXXXX (her husband's name) and doing that stupid fucking laugh of hers" with a couple of angry emoticons.
I replied back "?" and she immediately sent back "Ooops, sorry! That was meant for L (mutual friend in group, but who is very close to C), talking about someone at work! Sorry, just delete!"
I didn't reply to that and almost straight after I received a text from L asking if I was up for a night out next weekend.

C was talking about me, wasn't she? L also wouldn't usually text me about a night out as it would be sent through the whatsapp chat.
I didn't do the drop off this morning, but C has text me (not in whatsapp group) to ask if I fancy going over to hers tomorrow after school with DD.
I'm not sure how best to respond.
Am I being paranoid in thinking that text was about me?

For the record, I don't know C's husband particularly well. I've chatted with him at group things we've attended and a few times we've walked home together if we've done school pick ups as I've got to pass their house on my way home. I am not attracted to him, and nothing untoward has ever happened or would happen, although I may very well have a stupid fucking laugh!

Any advice? I actually feel really fucking weirded out by this.

OP posts:
sailingclosetothewind · 15/09/2019 18:48

If the others are now conversing with c on the new whatsapp group after everything that has happened, and knowing you have now been excluded, I am not sure you will ever be able to consider them friends.

They are definitely not interested in your feelings, loyalty to you (or doing the right thing even)

A proper friend would have nothing more to do the whatsapp group and would be giving them a wide berth.

I don't think there is any way back op Flowers they have all regrouped despite it all, they are weak and insincere, better you know now that they are not real friends, and you won't need to invest any more time in any of them. It will implode in time when C turns on the next one....

Find some genuine friends, and ditch them wholesale.

combatbarbie · 15/09/2019 18:59

I agree with previous poster, unless you clear your name the rest are no longer "friends" you have to own this and confront the husband as well.

If you don't.... She's won.... And your now the bunny boiler that tries it on with other husbands, news and Chinese whispers travels fast unless you put a stop to it Now!

MarshaBradyo · 15/09/2019 19:06

Oh op that sucks. Have always loved the phrase fruit bar, and also it just shows how nice you are to say it in the face of all this. Your only crime is probably not bitching as much as C loves to.

Take heart in being a much better person all round.

stephf72 · 15/09/2019 19:06

So sorry op, you’re right they should’ve taken sides with you but they won’t, and that’s because they’re scared of her and as other posters have said they’re just glad it’s not them.
It makes my blood boil that people are such cowardly sheep.
She must have form for this - and eventually she will turn on others in the group as she is plain nasty.
It is a blessing in disguise although it won’t feel like that at the moment.
I hope it doesn’t spill over into the classroom itself but I’d be extra vigilant with your dd and how she’s feeling. People like C see nothing wrong with using the kids as weapons. Flowers

CIareIsland · 15/09/2019 19:11

Seriously these types are unhinged. She has been exposed socially and this will trigger her fake fragile ego into a mad irrational attack - which will not stop until she has destroyed you.

Expect this to go on for years.

She is an unstable, lying, manipulative fantasist.

She will be rallying her troops now (K, M etc) for battle.

Keep well away from all of them. She will be watching you and interpret any interaction with the others as a threat to her and will attack accordingly.

She is a dangerous woman. Don’t feed any of it. Pick up with the others in a few months when it has blown over

ElleDriver · 15/09/2019 19:15

It may not happen yet or for many months but eventually C will trip herself up either by unintentionally confirming that the messages never existed or by doing something similar to another person. It will be galling to have to wait and watch how it plays out but wankers always reveal themselves as wankers eventually.

I'm sorry you've had to go through this op, people really do suck sometimes. This is why I like dogs.

loveyoutothemoon · 15/09/2019 19:18

I agree that you need to talk to the DH. If it was me, I would totally regret it if I didn't, I would want to clear my name.

incognitomum · 15/09/2019 19:28

Oh no that's awful about new WhatsApp group Sad

I can't believe I'm reading about adults who have dcs.

Find new real friends who are grown ups Flowers

Independentcandidate · 15/09/2019 19:30

Oh that's crap re new group, how did you find out? Horrible feeling Sad

stephf72 · 15/09/2019 19:34

I’m afraid clareisland may be right. When I was going through it with my mad C she would burst into tears in the playground if I so much as talked to another parent.
It was almost like she’d convinced herself that her lies were true. Pretty scary.
Even 6 months after I left her husband texted my ex with messages sent by C threatening to ram into our car.
Hopefully it won’t get that far - but please be prepared op - so far her actions have been identical to the fruit bat who turned on us.

magoria · 15/09/2019 19:35

I am so sorry OP. It looks like you have found out what friends these people really are to you. It must really hurt.

At least you know now rather than them continuing to stay friends with you.

amiapropermum · 15/09/2019 19:46

C has turned on you because she felt like shit for being a bitch to you and that wouldn't do so it had to be made into your fault. The truth is irrelevant to her.

I have a cousin like this and our friendship recently ended after years of me doing her many, MANY favours, including actually writing and submitting job applications for her, like her PA. She had the chance to just be understanding of my restrictions as a single mum around an event I was paying for her to go - I needed to be back early the next day because my babysitter had to go to work - but that wasn't acceptable. I told her that our friendship didn't seem to be a two-way street and she hasn't spoken to me since. The same girl also resented her other bridesmaid because the bridesmaid's father died a few weeks before the wedding and apparently her grief detracted from the special day Hmm

I think C is cut from the same cloth. You became the bad guy because she got caught out being a bitch to you. You sound strong though, OP. Well done Gin

BumbleBeee69 · 15/09/2019 19:49

this is horrible .. that someone can LIE like this and just ruin someone lif eand they get away with it... appalling

amiapropermum · 15/09/2019 19:54

Oh I meant to say that my cousin turned on me like she turned on her other bridesmaid, so C will turn on one of the others in time

stephf72 · 15/09/2019 20:00

It is appalling bumblebee. In one of the conversations I had with the police about my C they said there is very little you can do when somebody tells lies about you.
Slander costs thousands.
It’s just like an abuser / narcissist situation. You can’t win - the best you can do is get yourself away as safely as possible and go grey rock.
Take comfort in your real friends and family op. They know who you are, these idiots are not worth any of your time or energy.

incognitomum · 15/09/2019 20:01

Where in the UK are you are you? Have you ever been to an mn meet up? Might meet some real adults there?

sailingclosetothewind · 15/09/2019 20:03

You are bloody better off out of the vipers nest. You will make new and better friends in time.
Look out for dd, an apple doesn’t fall far from the tree, and she won’t think twice before weaponising the children, children’s parties etc

InvisibleWomenMustBeRead · 15/09/2019 20:12

That really is so shit Op - I'm truly sorry she has done this to you and that the others have gone along with it.

Original poster
JaysusWept · 15/09/2019 20:47

I’m actually really gutted that the other 3 have accepted the new WhatsApp group. I would never have joined a new group that’s clearly going to be bitching about someone. And they clearly can’t believe my side of the story otherwise why give her the time of day?
Think it’s pretty clear that I need to keep all of them at arm’s length now, and that’s really made me quite sad.

I should shag C’s husband just out of spite!
(Un)Fortunately, I’m not interested in men with partners, or who I find unattractive/uninteresting 🙄

OP posts:
amiapropermum · 15/09/2019 20:58

I suspect they joined out of fear that they'd be next on her hit list otherwise. I'm sorry it's turned out this way. I think you've handled yourself really well.

itswinetime · 15/09/2019 20:58

I can see why your upset with the other 3 I can also see they don't want to take sides and anyone can put you in a group. I doubt C is being as obvious as to open it with a bit hung session she started all of this to stop herself being accused of bitching. She will have opened with a nice sorry for all the drama I just think me and op need some space for a bit but obviously I don't want to loose contact with you all and I don't expect you take sides or some such shit! I'm not saying this to make her look good but before you judge the others too harshly. Try and see their point of view.

I am Interested who told you about the new what's app because that person is a grade A shit stirrer and I would keep my distance from! My bet is M!

Winterlife · 15/09/2019 21:02

She won’t turn on any of them in the same way. She will talk about them behind their backs. She would have continued doing this to OP had she not sent the text inadvertently.

Honeyroar · 15/09/2019 21:05

Do you think they feel a bit caught in the middle and like they'd be falling out with C if they didn't accept her request to join her group? Didn't you tell them not to take sides? Perhaps they're intending seeing you both? Is there any chat on the group page you're in? Or have they seemed to drop you too? I think you've done all you can, if you've told them it's not true, told them you're hurt/baffled, told them your dad is a plumber etc. If they're going to choose to believe her it's very sad, but that's that. I guess you just have to sit back and see what happens now.

5LeafClover · 15/09/2019 21:06

So sorry to hear this but not surprised,they are trying to power through a new group without you in it. The fact that the others are talking to you and respecting your wishes not to hear about her is a good sign. Prepare yourself for a flurry of events organised by C and L that you will hear about. Hope to goodness that the others realise they are being manipulated. People usually do eventually. Show them the last mad text if they ask.

A good sign is that the others are still contacting you. Keep your head high and stick to your routine, but if the others contact you and offer support don't hide how hurt you have been by this just for the sake of putting on a brave face. This is bullying behavior you are facing and its crap.

Wishing you lots of luck for next week.

AliciaQuays · 15/09/2019 21:12

Oh god. The next chapter is that they find this thread.

Her with the ugly husband

Swipe left for the next trending thread