How should I reply to this text?

[JaysusWept]

Namechanged as I've told my work colleague already about this and I know she lurks on here. (She was absolutely no help - she's probably still laughing about it...)

Background is that I've been single for a couple of years after discovering he was cheating. I have an 8 year old DD.
I am friends with a small group who I have known for a few years - met through kids at nursery/starting school, etc. We do playdates, dinners, drinks out, whatsapp group which is used constantly, helping each other out, etc. We are close and I value all of their friendships.
For the past few weeks I have felt that one of the group, who I shall refer to as C, has been a bit 'off' with me. Nothing I can really put my finger on - I don't always do the drop off and pick ups at school for my DD, but when I have and I've seen C she hasn't chatted with me like she usually would, and 2 weeks ago 4 of us went out for drinks and I felt that there was a bit of an atmosphere when I was talking to her, although she was polite enough. There are people that I am closer to in the group but C and I have always been very friendly and have done many things with just the 2 of us.

Yesterday, I picked up my DD from school and C's husband was there to pick up their DD. The 4 of us walked back together and we stopped outside C's house to finish our chat briefly, before I carried on up the street. C came to the door but didn't come over although she did wave.

At 4pm I received a text from C which read "Doing her usual, all over XXXXX (her husband's name) and doing that stupid fucking laugh of hers" with a couple of angry emoticons.
I replied back "?" and she immediately sent back "Ooops, sorry! That was meant for L (mutual friend in group, but who is very close to C), talking about someone at work! Sorry, just delete!"
I didn't reply to that and almost straight after I received a text from L asking if I was up for a night out next weekend.

C was talking about me, wasn't she? L also wouldn't usually text me about a night out as it would be sent through the whatsapp chat.
I didn't do the drop off this morning, but C has text me (not in whatsapp group) to ask if I fancy going over to hers tomorrow after school with DD.
I'm not sure how best to respond.
Am I being paranoid in thinking that text was about me?

For the record, I don't know C's husband particularly well. I've chatted with him at group things we've attended and a few times we've walked home together if we've done school pick ups as I've got to pass their house on my way home. I am not attracted to him, and nothing untoward has ever happened or would happen, although I may very well have a stupid fucking laugh!

Any advice? I actually feel really fucking weirded out by this.

If I was one of op's friends I would want to stay out of it, and remain on good terms with everyone. I would also be wondering what the hell C was playing out, and would be waiting for the inevitable unveiling of the real other woman (and not op) and then the next drama unfolds. C would not be a friend I would ever choose to have, and I would be backing out of this group very quietly.

Your best and only option now is to disengage and rise above this teenage drama. C is either bored and needs a bit of excitement in her life (using you as the fall guy in her court) or she has a cheating husband and she is as paranoid as hell. It could be both.

Distance yourself, and be the grown up. Handle this well, and most of your friendships should stay in tact, obviously not including C and L if that is even important to you anymore...I am not sure it would interest me very much at this point, but I understand they have been your support network up to now.

Yeah don't send the message, if I received it I would read with bemusement. If asked, tell the truth.

She's had enough rope to hang herself with now. I'd forward the retrieving messages shot to your friend and say that if she feels the need for further proof then she could send C that, but you are going to stay quiet now as you are upset enough and just want to forget about it all.

You know, I wouldn't send any further messages.
I'm not sure if that is the right choice or not, but to me this now screams 'non-salvageable'.
The friendship group has been torn apart anyway. C is unhinged and unpredictable, and she won't stop any time soon.
At this point I'd give it up as a lost cause and look for new friends.
I'd keep communication going with everyone except C and L, and be open to meeting up etc, but I'd be unsurprised if it doesn't work out.
I'd also be unsurprised if there are still group meetups, just without you.
It's shit and it's not fair, but I would just let it go.

@Watchingthyme - I actually thought that she saw him Facebook messaging loads and asked who it was and he said OP as he thought a distant acquaintance who was ‘non-threatening’ would sound better than admitting it was a woman he was flirting/cheating with. And that’s why the messages are ‘deleted’.

I can’t think of another explanation. Even if this woman didn’t like OP, there’s so many better stories she could make up that wouldn’t embarrass her husband or be potentially ‘outed’ by her husband as not true.

Yeah but she panicked. She didn’t give any time to mull it over, she went straight on the attack. She pulled this story right out of her arse.

If people think badly of her, it’s her own fault.

@AJoeySpecial
Aye that sounds about right.

OMG what a thread.

Sorry you are at the centre of this drama op. All sounds very childish. Stay dignified.

The affair thing is a total fabrication because without any reason, C looks like a nasty bitch.

If C suspected an affair no way would she have pretended the text was for a colleague. She's a fool to think anyone would buy that.

Also, no way would she met her husband walk with you op.

C was just being nasty, most likely because she feels threatened by you. Perhaps her husband said how nice you were and that's been eating away at her.

I'd speak with K, face to face, and say exactly what happened.

It's all so playground, but accusing you of an affair with no proof is absolutely not on. I would not let that lie.

That could be right about dh saying it was OP, hence the coolness.

Agree C does not believe there were any messages!

People who think you are sending their DH flirty messages don't try and arrange play dates, they wouldnt reply some BS when confronted only to tell the world the next day. Would make sure the messages were kept....the list goes on!

It's obviously a pack of lies to cover her own back! That's her choice she is the one that will look bad.

If the op goes on the offensive now starting new groups and demand apologies and everyone take sides! It only makes her look as dramatic as C! And any non drama loving friends will drop the both! C's story makes no sense and is full of holes let her take herself down!

I agree in letting it lie now with anyone other than C or her DH. You've said your piece to your friends. That's what's important. I wouldn't personally contact C either but if you were going to interact with anyone on the subject I'd not do it beyond the people involved. Anyone else will just roll their eyes that it's still rumbling on.

I'd be publicly accosting the husband, and asking him then and there to retrieve these deleted messages with the method pointed out earlier.
He can refuse, but thats just proof he is in on the lie.
Or, he can deny all knowledge, proof his wife is lying to him and her friends.
But the one thing he can't do, is produce these messages.

If she’s seen these messages then surely she would have screen shot them.
And she wouldn’t have asked you for a play date

Same potato

And I'd do it on the way to pick up children from school so others were around to hear too. (Not the children)
I wouldn't give a fuck what it looked like , I'd only care about clearing my name and tbh, I really don't think anyone would blame you for going a little crackers after being accused of this, in fact, it could seem to be a little odd if you were to keep your head down.

And, to make sure he can't pretend to not have his phone, pocket dial him, and as soon as it's in his hand "Hi c-husband, glad you have your phone..."

They are batshit!

I think maintaining a dignified silence over the issue to all involved is the best way forward now

Really feel for you op. She sounds crazy. I think id just keep a dignified silence now and see what unfolds. Call her bluff. Dont make a scene in the playground. I hope its not too awkward for you tomorrow on the school run. Hold your head high tho- youve done nothing wrong

Thanks all. I won’t bump into any of them tomorrow because I don’t see them when I drop DD at breakfast club, and I’m not doing pick up tomorrow.

I’ve got no intention of contacting C again or of asking her husband what the hell is going on. I’m still none the wiser about what these supposed FB messages are exactly meant to say, however, according to M, C has said that she saw them!! So, it’s not a case of her husband making something up to her to stir things - she’s actually saying that she saw them! As I said, all I know is that she’s claiming the messages were ‘flirty’ and that I was inviting her husband round to sort out my plumbing

I also know that there is indeed another WhatsApp group. C started one and has added L, K, M and D to it. I’m absolutely certain that K, M and D aren’t telling me all of the conversation - I’ve told them that I don’t want to hear anything of C unless she’s showing me these FB messages, and I’ve also made it clear that I don’t expect them to take sides (although they bloody should take my side!) They can be friends with who they want. So, I’m not sure what bullshit C and L are feeding them. Or why. I just want to know why C has turned on me like this! I can only assume it’s because she’s a fruit bar.

Oh I'd be annoyed at the others for not leaving that new group, so nasty. I wonder what her motivation for all this is?

Wow jaysus this is so awful for you I’m so sorry.

I suffered some similar kind of behaviour 20 years ago at uni - it was awful. I still see the perpetrator, who had adored me before she turned on me, at events with my extended uni chums. I am super civil now but I still loathe her.

I think the group is going to implode from here. C has her issues and it is nothing to do with you.

She will have done this before.

The others will be glad it’s not them.

You are better off out of it. Give her time and she will do the same to another person in the group and they will have an epiphany that it was C and not you all along.

But you will have moved onward and upward because you’re not falling for her bullshit and you never have.

Caroline sounds like a fucking twat.

K, L, M and D better all watch their backs who knows which one she’ll pick on next! She sounds unstable.

You are doing well, i would have been at her door by now!