How should I reply to this text?

[JaysusWept]

Namechanged as I've told my work colleague already about this and I know she lurks on here. (She was absolutely no help - she's probably still laughing about it...)

Background is that I've been single for a couple of years after discovering he was cheating. I have an 8 year old DD.
I am friends with a small group who I have known for a few years - met through kids at nursery/starting school, etc. We do playdates, dinners, drinks out, whatsapp group which is used constantly, helping each other out, etc. We are close and I value all of their friendships.
For the past few weeks I have felt that one of the group, who I shall refer to as C, has been a bit 'off' with me. Nothing I can really put my finger on - I don't always do the drop off and pick ups at school for my DD, but when I have and I've seen C she hasn't chatted with me like she usually would, and 2 weeks ago 4 of us went out for drinks and I felt that there was a bit of an atmosphere when I was talking to her, although she was polite enough. There are people that I am closer to in the group but C and I have always been very friendly and have done many things with just the 2 of us.

Yesterday, I picked up my DD from school and C's husband was there to pick up their DD. The 4 of us walked back together and we stopped outside C's house to finish our chat briefly, before I carried on up the street. C came to the door but didn't come over although she did wave.

At 4pm I received a text from C which read "Doing her usual, all over XXXXX (her husband's name) and doing that stupid fucking laugh of hers" with a couple of angry emoticons.
I replied back "?" and she immediately sent back "Ooops, sorry! That was meant for L (mutual friend in group, but who is very close to C), talking about someone at work! Sorry, just delete!"
I didn't reply to that and almost straight after I received a text from L asking if I was up for a night out next weekend.

C was talking about me, wasn't she? L also wouldn't usually text me about a night out as it would be sent through the whatsapp chat.
I didn't do the drop off this morning, but C has text me (not in whatsapp group) to ask if I fancy going over to hers tomorrow after school with DD.
I'm not sure how best to respond.
Am I being paranoid in thinking that text was about me?

For the record, I don't know C's husband particularly well. I've chatted with him at group things we've attended and a few times we've walked home together if we've done school pick ups as I've got to pass their house on my way home. I am not attracted to him, and nothing untoward has ever happened or would happen, although I may very well have a stupid fucking laugh!

Any advice? I actually feel really fucking weirded out by this.

I would get in the comment 'you know and I know you've made all of this up, which is disturbing'. As that is truly the scary bit.

She'll have form for this. People don't just suddenly behave like this. There will be a pattern.

Another tactic you could or someone else could try is asking L, if there is some sort of batshit fake acct she would have undoubtedly sent screenshots to L.... Unless she's that stupid to actually believe said bullshit without proof because I know I would have done.....

I wonder if Cs husband has any idea this is all going on. She's going to look a total tool if someone mentions it to him on the school run and he knows nothing about these 'messages'

Has she said she has definitely seen the messages or did her husband tell her about them after "deletion". Could her husband have been trying to make her jealous and it's massively backfired?

I would make a point of next time you see him on the school run I’d make a point of going up to him with a witness and asking him about the messages.

Send a WhatsApp message:

Send the retrieval of deleted Facebook messages, and ask her to substantiate her accusations.

Confirm your father is a plumber and you would never approach anyone’s husband for help with anything to do with your house or anything else.

Her lies are entirely unacceptable, and you will have nothing more to do with her.

Acknowledge C clearly has a marital problems but this should not have been played out in public, and should never have involved any of you.

Disengage.

This will run and run. Next week freeze out C and the subject. Others may continue feeding this drama, refuse to engage.

I wouldn't engage any more. With C or L. Treat the others slightly cooler than you usually would until you figure out if they're just caught in the middle too.

But it you see Cs husband I'd make a point of ignoring him. If he speaks to you tell him you're not interested in either of them after what's happened. Without any explanation of what that is. You'll get an idea of how involved he is in it.

If you want to play her at her own game, and intend to keep some of the friends in the group.
Invite all the others over for lunch, tell them you have something important to say. You can then explain in person how deeply disappointed you are that C has caused so many problems in the group, now it is obvious she has lied and lied, you feel she clearly can’t be trusted as a friend any longer, but you still value them and hope you can continue as friends. An open and honest conversation about the way forward between all of you in a relaxed, grown up way.

Arrange to see your other friends in the group often, and plan lots of future get togethers without C and L.
If you like them and trust them, fight to keep them. You shouldn’t lose all of your friends because of C.
She should be cast out not you.

It might seem like the easy option to just drop the whole group, but it is not their fault that C is unhinged, and they may want to remain friends with you - give them the option to do so.

I'd create another WhatsApp group with all included:

'Hi all, I really feel the need to clear my name as I really don't like being lied about.

I have never contacted C's husband on any form of social media or text etc. Facebook messages can be retrieved once deleted and I'd like C to do this and provide these so called messages.

I wouldn't think it appropriate to contact C's DH, if I needed a plumber I'd have gone through C as she was my friend, as it happens I would never need a plumber as my dad is one and I have brothers and even exH who help me around the house if necessary

I have no interest in C's DH (or anyone's DH for that matter!) and I would never dream of flirting with a taken man anyway. I have first hand experience of how painful infidelity is in a marriage, I could never be the cause of someone else's pain in this way.

I'm not sure why C has fabricated all this drama, and I'm both saddened and furious, I really valued our friendship group and each and every one of you. I'd like to thank those who have stood by me a continued to support me, it's one of those times in life when you learn a lot about people.

I hope to not hear about this ever again, until C and her DH can produce these fake messages or she comes to her senses and issues me with an apology.

Oh...and as for my annoying laugh, I do apologise there's really not much I can do about that, I do, however, intend to keep laughing ladies. As life's too short for this shit!'

I KNEW she would be called Caroline!!!

As much as people are saying just leave it, this woman is tarnishing your name.... God knows who else she has said these rumours too... Ie playground

I would not be letting this lie.... And I would certainly be involving her husband now, asking him about these so called messages...... He probably has no idea.

The 'messages' are really a bit of a red herring because both the OP and C know they are a lie.

As far as this woman is concerned you are not guilty of messaging her husband, you are guilty of fancying him. To her, the messaging is just a little white lie, as given the opportunity OP would have done this anyway.

Involving the (no doubt irresistible) husband in any of the drama is also a bit of a lost cause. I'd wager he's accused of having an affair with every unattached woman he looks at. He probably tries to stay out of her bullshit as much as possible.

This situation reminds me of a situation at work where we had to deal with someone who was totally unreasonable. The best tactic is to engage as little as possible. A colleague said "Trying to reason with an unreasonable person is like wrestling a pig. You both get dirty and the pig enjoys it"

D'you think he will even be aware... it's all so embarrassing, for Him included

No, I don't think he'll have a clue. But what I suspect would happen if he caught wind is he'd go on his wife's defence immediately, he'll probably be thinking 'what the fuck has she done now', but he'll be well used to childish drama by now and know his part in the game.

How does anyone have the energy for shit like this?

She's either having a breakdown or wants you out of the friendship group. Fucking batshit!

Maybe he has received those messages, but from L, not you. Could he have mixed up L and you?

But, with that said, if the messages were to ask about a plumbing issue, why would his reaction be to delete them rather than respond answering the question or saying he could give a quote?

If I were you, I'd find some new friends. They sound like they are feeling threatened by your friendship with the husband. It's not worth the agony.

I'd also check there isn't fake Facebook profile of you. It's easy to set up...

Bloody hell I think that message from @ChangeItChild is absolutely PERFECT.

When this sort of thing happens I would usually say to rise above it but in this case she's actually made a pretty character destroying accusation and I do think you need to be absolutely explicit about the fact you are in no way involved and there is absolutely no truth to what she's saying.

You'd still be rising above it, but clearing your name and stopping these ridiculous and childish wicked whispers that are beneath you!

She dragged you into a shit storm based on lies, she's been put in the corner and now she needs to face the consequences.

Seriously that message from @ChangeItChild is perfect (I love your writing CIC!) only other than i would say "a man in a relationship" rather than "taken man" I'm not even sure why, it just hit my ear weirdly so might just be me.

Bold fail sorry - wasn't quoting anyone the post is my words just in bold weirdly!

Ohhh I couldn’t resist messaging the husband our turning up at her house, what a horrible woman. I think you are being very calm and restrained well done!

He’s 100% fucking someone that’s for sure.
He’s probably pretty glad she hasn’t found the correct woman yet!

I might have missed this his but what did are the make believe messages supposed to have said ?

Terrible English - what are they supposed to have said even !

@Watchingthyme my thoughts exactly.

I really wouldn't send a message like the one above. If I were a bystander in this, I would reply "Don't drag me into your drama" and remove myself from the group and probably avoid you like the plague from then on.