How should I reply to this text?

[JaysusWept]

Namechanged as I've told my work colleague already about this and I know she lurks on here. (She was absolutely no help - she's probably still laughing about it...)

Background is that I've been single for a couple of years after discovering he was cheating. I have an 8 year old DD.
I am friends with a small group who I have known for a few years - met through kids at nursery/starting school, etc. We do playdates, dinners, drinks out, whatsapp group which is used constantly, helping each other out, etc. We are close and I value all of their friendships.
For the past few weeks I have felt that one of the group, who I shall refer to as C, has been a bit 'off' with me. Nothing I can really put my finger on - I don't always do the drop off and pick ups at school for my DD, but when I have and I've seen C she hasn't chatted with me like she usually would, and 2 weeks ago 4 of us went out for drinks and I felt that there was a bit of an atmosphere when I was talking to her, although she was polite enough. There are people that I am closer to in the group but C and I have always been very friendly and have done many things with just the 2 of us.

Yesterday, I picked up my DD from school and C's husband was there to pick up their DD. The 4 of us walked back together and we stopped outside C's house to finish our chat briefly, before I carried on up the street. C came to the door but didn't come over although she did wave.

At 4pm I received a text from C which read "Doing her usual, all over XXXXX (her husband's name) and doing that stupid fucking laugh of hers" with a couple of angry emoticons.
I replied back "?" and she immediately sent back "Ooops, sorry! That was meant for L (mutual friend in group, but who is very close to C), talking about someone at work! Sorry, just delete!"
I didn't reply to that and almost straight after I received a text from L asking if I was up for a night out next weekend.

C was talking about me, wasn't she? L also wouldn't usually text me about a night out as it would be sent through the whatsapp chat.
I didn't do the drop off this morning, but C has text me (not in whatsapp group) to ask if I fancy going over to hers tomorrow after school with DD.
I'm not sure how best to respond.
Am I being paranoid in thinking that text was about me?

For the record, I don't know C's husband particularly well. I've chatted with him at group things we've attended and a few times we've walked home together if we've done school pick ups as I've got to pass their house on my way home. I am not attracted to him, and nothing untoward has ever happened or would happen, although I may very well have a stupid fucking laugh!

Any advice? I actually feel really fucking weirded out by this.

I actually wouldn't be going down the route of trying to sort it out with the friendship group.

I'd strongly advise you to go straight down the route of a solicitors letter. These are blatant lies and your reputation is being unfairly tarnished. Women I know like her only shut up when the law is involved. This has already escalated seriously. Nip it in the bud.

I haven't got to the end of the thread yet (nearly) but am I the only one wondering if C's husband has actually been messaging L - and that's why she has been fueling a cover story with C and has backed off out of the group?

If c’s dh is doing pick up at any point I too would go over there and say in the earshot of the other mothers so that everyone can hear:

Hi xx C seems to think you and I are messaging on FB? I have no idea what she is talking about do you know anything about this? It seems to have caused a rather big upset.

Dh: no idea no. (clearly he is not going to say anything else)

You: Clearly C has made a big mistake, I’ll expect an apology from her in due course.

Turn on heel, head held high and walk off. That will truly settle any ambiguity, and he is going to be furious with C I would imagine.

Yes because you really want the entire playground pick up crew being entertained with even more gossip.

I am willing to bet the whole playground knows already trust me.

That would be great if it was in a TV drama and scripted, however real life is messier and people don't react as they do on TV, so no, I really wouldn't try to play out that scene in the playground.

I imagine you're absolutely right sailing, but I'd be damned if I'd give people even more to gossip about.

C has been caught out bitching and is now trying to justify herself.

Her and L were talking about you. Of course they were. They tried to sound you, out be all sweetness and light when they realised you weren't buying it the went on the attack. It's obviously not true who tries to organise a play date with someone who is messaging their husband on the sly! But it makes them seem better than truth which is (as happens in groups) they were a bit annoyed with you over something minor I'm sure and decided to turn into teenage bitches!

Block C and L from being able to contact you. If the group what's app carries on just say it's actually really upsetting for you to be accused like this and you don't want to keep going over it and draw a line drama lamas need attention to keep going stop giving it to them!! Definitely not involve C's husband that the last thing you need!

Maybe op could talk to him in private with a friend present, the only way you truly expose a liar is to confront the issue.

Op can I also say that if you are newly divorced other women may now see you as a threat. It has happened to friends of mine, they have found themselves cast out of very old friendship groups, and have been very hurt. Not invited to dinners and parties etc. It has even happened to widowed friends as well. Some women are very insecure it seems.

Next time you see C’s DH in the playground:

(Angry tone) “Hi C’s DH, are you aware that C a telling all and sundry that you and I are having an affair”

Brief pause while he stutters, then cut him off: “Whatever marital problems you and C are having, don’t fucking drag me into it. I want nothing to do with it.” And stomp off.

Should create a small explosion in their house, and hopefully shut C up as a result. The narrative is no longer “nasty man-stealing OP”, it’s “C and DH’s marital problems vomiting drama over everyone they know”.

This is horrible. Some people just never leave the school playground.

I hope the OP remembers to send him his part of the script before she confronts him in the playground.

Well handled OP. I can't see her replying it's all so childish, I would also be wary of M after that picture being liked.

I'm late to this thread but have an observation, if C genuinely thought the OP was messaging her DH (and flirting with him) she would have raised it with the OP and challenged her about it when the OP phoned her - this would've been the perfect opportunity to call OP out - instead she tried to backtrack, said the text wasn't about her, but was about a colleague etc.)

C knows full well it is all a pack of lies, but she has pulled L into the drama (probably been spinning these lies for quite a while now) so she can't back down now (L's approval is very important to C, more important than her friendship with the group as a whole)

I'm guessing C is very concerned about what people think of her, she wants to give the impression of the perfect marriage, with a wonderful and desirable DH that other women lust after etc....so pathetic.

If I was you OP, I'd speak to the DH when he's next picking up from school, I'd do this with one of your other friends as a witness.

'Oh Steven could I have a word please? C believes that we've been messaging you on FB behind her back, please could you set her straight about this. I'm not sure what's going on between the two of you, but I don't appreciate the lies she's been spreading about me'

The more I read of this the harder I find it to believe we are discussing adult women in their 30s. - This was my immediate response. Who has this amount of time and energy to expend on such unproductive negativity? Gossip and drama bore me senseless. And while PP are possibly understandably saying they'd be miffed if anyone spread false rumours among school pick-up about them, I can genuinely say I'd probably know nothing of any such rumours about me if they existed. And even if I did, I wouldn't give a toss.

Objections to that attitude are predictable: easy for strangers online to claim they're thick-skinned and strong, whilst others who'd be hurt by the same situation are over-sensitive souls who should big up. But that isn't what I'm suggesting, and my reason for making that point is this: I suspect the 'friendship group' dynamic is at the root of a lot of this brouhaha with trouble-causing parents. The parents at my DC's school seem lovely, but even so, I can't help thinking that intimate friendships and knowing each other's business within such a closed community - one whose confines are pretty much inescapable for a good number of years - is a potential recipe for trouble. Nothing wrong with being friendly - even seeing some of them socially on occasion - but familiarity breeds contempt and too often the dynamic can end up very much like the one that's unfolding above.

It's tough OP that these are your only friends, and I know most people aren't thrilled by the prospect of being a Billy-No-Mates. (I also have few real friends and a few more superficial ones, and am happy with that position). But for me even having no friends would carry no fear if the alternative was anything resembling this. To thine own self be true. You have your own integrity and courage, are not a walkover, and should neither want nor seek anyone else's approval. You've told people your side. In this situation my policy would again be silence, and if these people are in any way worthy of my friendship at all, they could come to me. Or not. But I'd prefer to know real friends from sham friends, and make my own choices accordingly.

Don't defend, justify or explain yourself any more than you already have. 'C' is the champion at DARVO; I doubt you will top her if you try. Leave her to it, and anyone with an ounce of sense will soon get the measure of you both.

If they don't, they are not worth your time.

@JaysusWept,
Firstly sorry for you that you have to deal with this.
Keep a record of any interactions. Is there anyone in the school (counsellor etc) that you could inform with these messages as proof. In case she escalates the drama or it spills over into the kids interactions.
Other than that do you have any lawyer friends who could draft a note issuing a warning about cyber bullying, false allegations, slander?
What nasty little cow. I'm sorry you depended on her as a friend. I really hope it gets sorted.

Hi all. Very nearly decided not to update because even to me it sounds completely batshit crazy and unbelievable that women in their 30s are behaving this way. I’m almost fully expecting to see this thread on the reddit MNTrolls

So, I received a text from C. I’m going to try to attach a screenshot of it. I make no apologies for replying, although dignified silence may have been better, but I was fucking fuming with her and her attempt at turning things around. I didn’t reply to the last text. Unless she shows these FB messages (which don’t exist), then fuck her.
I’ve told K, M and D that I don’t want to speak about her or hear about her again, unless she’s showing these messages or issuing a grovelling apology. And, even if she does apologise, she’ll still be getting told to get fucked.

Late to this post but am gobsmacked at people acting this way....C has some serious issues.

Messages hopefully attached.

Batshit

Op you’ve left a name at the top xx

She sounds like a bitch. Fuck her!

What an absolute drama!

I fucking hate it when people use that crying laughing emoji. It gives me actual fucking rage

Jesus, petty childish shit there. She’s lost it

How were you friends with this woman? She’s absolutely awful aswell as bonkers. Love your reply though. Block her now 😊