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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

How should I reply to this text?

999 replies

JaysusWept · 12/09/2019 10:34

Namechanged as I've told my work colleague already about this and I know she lurks on here. (She was absolutely no help - she's probably still laughing about it...)

Background is that I've been single for a couple of years after discovering he was cheating. I have an 8 year old DD.
I am friends with a small group who I have known for a few years - met through kids at nursery/starting school, etc. We do playdates, dinners, drinks out, whatsapp group which is used constantly, helping each other out, etc. We are close and I value all of their friendships.
For the past few weeks I have felt that one of the group, who I shall refer to as C, has been a bit 'off' with me. Nothing I can really put my finger on - I don't always do the drop off and pick ups at school for my DD, but when I have and I've seen C she hasn't chatted with me like she usually would, and 2 weeks ago 4 of us went out for drinks and I felt that there was a bit of an atmosphere when I was talking to her, although she was polite enough. There are people that I am closer to in the group but C and I have always been very friendly and have done many things with just the 2 of us.

Yesterday, I picked up my DD from school and C's husband was there to pick up their DD. The 4 of us walked back together and we stopped outside C's house to finish our chat briefly, before I carried on up the street. C came to the door but didn't come over although she did wave.

At 4pm I received a text from C which read "Doing her usual, all over XXXXX (her husband's name) and doing that stupid fucking laugh of hers" with a couple of angry emoticons.
I replied back "?" and she immediately sent back "Ooops, sorry! That was meant for L (mutual friend in group, but who is very close to C), talking about someone at work! Sorry, just delete!"
I didn't reply to that and almost straight after I received a text from L asking if I was up for a night out next weekend.

C was talking about me, wasn't she? L also wouldn't usually text me about a night out as it would be sent through the whatsapp chat.
I didn't do the drop off this morning, but C has text me (not in whatsapp group) to ask if I fancy going over to hers tomorrow after school with DD.
I'm not sure how best to respond.
Am I being paranoid in thinking that text was about me?

For the record, I don't know C's husband particularly well. I've chatted with him at group things we've attended and a few times we've walked home together if we've done school pick ups as I've got to pass their house on my way home. I am not attracted to him, and nothing untoward has ever happened or would happen, although I may very well have a stupid fucking laugh!

Any advice? I actually feel really fucking weirded out by this.

OP posts:
5LeafClover · 14/09/2019 11:24

Don't go round. One msg to the group ( showing the original text in it's low bitchy entirity,) to clarify your position and stop her lying about that too then withdraw and hope that closes it. Real friends will find you. Fake ones will twist all further actions.

ThatCurlyGirl · 14/09/2019 11:27

@stephf72

Don't underestimate what she will do, I am also a single mother and its incredibly sad but many women see us as a threat. Its beyond ridiculous and frankly mysogynistic.

God I had no idea this was a thing, I'm sorry people have been dicks to you too. It's hard enough being a woman without fucking over other women!

BumbleBeee69 · 14/09/2019 11:33

this is bloody awful OP, she's a nasty calculating witch, isolating you from everyone because she's been caught out lying about her 'in demand' husband. I agree, show everyone what she sent and demand you see the 'alleged' correspondence between you and her DH, and then walk away with your head held high.. I'd also make clear, that Whomever her DH is messaging, it's certainly not you, leave the bollocks at his feet. Flowers

Whoops75 · 14/09/2019 11:35

Don't go round. One msg to the group ( showing the original text in it's low bitchy entirity,) to clarify your position and stop her lying about that too then withdraw and hope that closes it. Real friends will find you. Fake ones will twist all further

^ great advice

MotherOfSoupDragons · 14/09/2019 11:44

Send your WA msg to C and L as well so they can see it.

LucieLucie · 14/09/2019 11:51

Urgh, this is so frustrating to read.

She's throwing you under the bus so you're ousted from the group.

My advice would be to go directly to her husband (take a witness) and let him know what you've been accused of by his wife.

Ask him if he can help shed any light on the matter as it's not only painting you in a bad light but also him!

The only thing I'd be tempted to add into the group chat now would be a link to this thread and nothing else.

Maybe sign C & L up to a few help sites for personality disorders WinkGrin

Pancakeflipper · 14/09/2019 11:51

I think C is just adding lies about you fuel the fire and throwing dirt onto you so to not to look like a nasty cow to the others. She giving her behaviour justification.

Seems she is clever at this, don't play her game. Be true to you. I'm sorry as it's not fair you are having this drama, it must be so upsetting. I would have a coffee with K, see what she says, if she's also thinking you are flirting with husbands then draw a line under it.

NewMe2019 · 14/09/2019 11:51

I would message C tbh,

"I've heard you are spreading rumours that I have been facebook mesaaging your husband, you're either lying or have got me mixed up with someone else. Provide proof or shut the fuck up about me you nasty fucking bitch"

AMAM8916 · 14/09/2019 11:54

Go to her house and get her husband at the door and say "are you aware that C has told my our group of friends that I have been messaging you/we have been messaging each other" then let him shout her to the door and see what the shit stirring nutjob has to say for herself

wineandcheeseplease · 14/09/2019 12:00

She sounds like a nutjob!

stephf72 · 14/09/2019 12:02

I agree that you have no choice but to message the group and show exactly what she sent to you.
I think you need to remember she is ten steps ahead of you and will have been spinning lies for 24 hours now. You need to regain whatever control you have of the situation, your friends need to see what she has said. Only then will you know if they are your friends and what the next steps will be.
I hope I'm wrong but my instinct is that the husband is in on it with C - that he will say you've been messaging him, but he deleted them.
Whatever is being said about you, you need to know. Having been in this position I know how hard it is to believe that a friend can just turn like this, but some people will do anything to save face. C is not your friend, L probably not either and although thats incredibly hurtful you need to know where the others stand.
We're all behind you.

karenbokaren · 14/09/2019 12:08

I don't think you can keep a dignified silence now. That's a dreadful rumour to be spreading.

Sorry, you sound lovely. It's all so pathetic! Thanks

stephf72 · 14/09/2019 12:09

I also think C's tactic if you approach her will be wall of silence. There is no proof, so she'll start saying things like "you know what you've done, so I don't need to explain", "everyone knows what you're like", and she'll make it about you, and the need for you to apologise for what you've done. Some people are that batshit.....

I hope thats not what happens, but don't be surprised.

diddl · 14/09/2019 12:12

I'm not sure about involving the husband.

If he says no he hasn't messaged Op-therefore showing up C's lie, she'll hate Op even more won't she & then say how awful it was her husband taking Op's side?

Tbh the others either believe C or Op & maybe decide who they want to be friends with based on that?

Or they don't believe C but feel sorry for her & still want to be her friend as well as Op's?

sailingclosetothewind · 14/09/2019 12:12

Please DO NOT take the advice to go over there whatever you do no matter how much you might to op. She will turn it into a huge scene and row and will blame you for threatening her in her home or coming to see her husband. Do not call her, or contact her, she is hoping you will do so, she will encourage you to lose your temper so she finally has something concrete to hold against you.

Send the most softly written group message, lay on your sympathy for her, and DO NOT play into her hands.

There is nothing more she would like than a huge fuck off row outside her house, pref being filmed so she can post it all over the internet.

Avoid this crazy woman like the plague, set the record straight quietly with the other group and drop the subject.

I guarantee you the next step she takes will be even worse otherwise.

She is gunning for you op, fucking gunning for you trust me. She has been waiting for this moment for longer than it appears.

OhLookHeKickedTheBall · 14/09/2019 12:14

If this were me I'd screenshot the message and her that wasn't meant for you one, explain about the call where she reiterated that then say now there's this rumour. Clearly something is up but you have no clue why she's picked you as a target. Say there's no point arguing with crazy but if anything affects your dd then you'll take action.

sailingclosetothewind · 14/09/2019 12:17

And whatever you do don't call her a stupid F*** bitch or anything else, the type of person she is she will call the police or something and say you are abusing her, and then she will tell everyone that she has needed to get a restraining order.

DO NOT FEED THE DRAMA

Or the facebook lies will seem like a walk in the park. You need to know what you are dealing with, and you are far too nice a person I suspect to even know what she is capable of.

Your other friends are probably backing her because they are fearful of her, and they don't want to be on the firing line.

CallMeRachel · 14/09/2019 12:17

Go round to see her husband when the nut job is out. Take a witness.

No way should you take this shit from her lying down, show her that she's a fucking crazy liars and absolutely her husband should know since it's also him she's implicated in this shit storm.

Being all quiet and nice, afraid to upset the apple cart doesn't work. You just get trampled. Get up and fight fire with fire.

She's an absolute lying butter and deserves to be outed for it.

1FineDane · 14/09/2019 12:19

Weird. Possible someone pretending to be you has messaged husband? Otherwise, she's just a shit stirring jealous bitch.

lovemenorca · 14/09/2019 12:20

I hope I'm wrong but my instinct is that the husband is in on it with C - that he will say you've been messaging him, but he deleted them.

But what would he gain from this?

Ginkypig · 14/09/2019 12:23

Iv just caught up on this thread and the situation seems to have massively expanded since I last read it!

I'm sorry she has dragged you into whatever is going on in her marriage. You were just doing the school pick up one day and bam friendship group destroying drama! It's like getting hit by an emotional car!

The thing you need to hold on to is the others in the group should know you better than to believe that about you, if they turn too then they were not worthy of your affection and friendship in the first place.

C and l are a lost cause so let them slide away once they are bored and focus on the important stuff and people in your life.

stephf72 · 14/09/2019 12:31

Menorca, my thinking is that his wife has fucked up with the text message, she's told him about it and they've agreed to lie to get out of it.
Its not the first time a husband or wife will tell a lie for their partner for an easy life and I doubt it'll be the last.

If the husband isn't in on it her shit will unravel a lot quicker. Only time will tell.

Iloveacurry · 14/09/2019 12:33

This is shit, I’d be fucking mad if someone was spreading lies about me. You need to go over with someone, as a witness, and have it out with both C and her husband ...

Themutts · 14/09/2019 12:43

You don't want crazy people like that in your life

MarshaBradyo · 14/09/2019 12:48

The chances that the h will lie for her are higher than the likelihood that anyone has been messaging him, let alone pretending to be you.

Ie it’s all made up. Do not assume reasonable behaviour.