How should I reply to this text?

[JaysusWept]

Namechanged as I've told my work colleague already about this and I know she lurks on here. (She was absolutely no help - she's probably still laughing about it...)

Background is that I've been single for a couple of years after discovering he was cheating. I have an 8 year old DD.
I am friends with a small group who I have known for a few years - met through kids at nursery/starting school, etc. We do playdates, dinners, drinks out, whatsapp group which is used constantly, helping each other out, etc. We are close and I value all of their friendships.
For the past few weeks I have felt that one of the group, who I shall refer to as C, has been a bit 'off' with me. Nothing I can really put my finger on - I don't always do the drop off and pick ups at school for my DD, but when I have and I've seen C she hasn't chatted with me like she usually would, and 2 weeks ago 4 of us went out for drinks and I felt that there was a bit of an atmosphere when I was talking to her, although she was polite enough. There are people that I am closer to in the group but C and I have always been very friendly and have done many things with just the 2 of us.

Yesterday, I picked up my DD from school and C's husband was there to pick up their DD. The 4 of us walked back together and we stopped outside C's house to finish our chat briefly, before I carried on up the street. C came to the door but didn't come over although she did wave.

At 4pm I received a text from C which read "Doing her usual, all over XXXXX (her husband's name) and doing that stupid fucking laugh of hers" with a couple of angry emoticons.
I replied back "?" and she immediately sent back "Ooops, sorry! That was meant for L (mutual friend in group, but who is very close to C), talking about someone at work! Sorry, just delete!"
I didn't reply to that and almost straight after I received a text from L asking if I was up for a night out next weekend.

C was talking about me, wasn't she? L also wouldn't usually text me about a night out as it would be sent through the whatsapp chat.
I didn't do the drop off this morning, but C has text me (not in whatsapp group) to ask if I fancy going over to hers tomorrow after school with DD.
I'm not sure how best to respond.
Am I being paranoid in thinking that text was about me?

For the record, I don't know C's husband particularly well. I've chatted with him at group things we've attended and a few times we've walked home together if we've done school pick ups as I've got to pass their house on my way home. I am not attracted to him, and nothing untoward has ever happened or would happen, although I may very well have a stupid fucking laugh!

Any advice? I actually feel really fucking weirded out by this.

Agh at the rogue ‘you’re’ - iPad changed it like the pain in the bum it is.

How is she going to explain this to her husband as he's bound to find out that she's putting you in the frame and he'll know for sure that there have been no messages.

Whether he's innocent or not it's definitely not you that he's been messaging.

What a mess. Stupid immature women who are messing with your reputation.

I think it's so unfair that someone else has put you in this position when you've done absolutely nothing wrong. It is completely playground behaviour, just I'd expect it of the kids who meet in the playground not the parents who pick their kids up in it.

I think if your friends know the truth that's what's important. If anyone is going to gossip, they will likely hear and if they're decent friends they will defend you.

Rise above it now.

I'd be sorely tempted to get in touch with C though, or even bide your time and wait until you see xxxxx, you will at some point, he can't avoid you all year, and I bet he doesn't even know half this tale. When you see him I'd stop him and ask him why you've been dragged into his marriage. You obviously get along with him, so just be up front and ask outright.

Honestly, I bet he has no idea and like a PP said, she probably just doesn't like you for whatever reason and is now trying to wriggle out of why she behaved like she did by making bullshit up to other school mums. Get him in the loop and let him deal with it within their four walls.

At the end of the day, if he has admitted texting someone, surely he just wouldn't throw your name out there randomly? The who wouldn't be relevant. The consequence would be the same. So it would make no sense for him to say was someone it wasnt. As such I doubt he even knows about all of this.

It seems to be a damned if you do, damned if you don't situation.

There's bound to be someone who's thinking "no smoke without fire" & "she's protesting too much".

C is certainly determined to let the others think that Op is too friendly with her husband & the others will probably believe it or not, depending on how they feel a bout Op/K.

Sorry, C not K!

Pictishes msg is great, but maybe change I was pissed off by the text to I was confused and upset... which is the impression that you give in your op.

She has broken your place in the group with her stupid accusations, insecurities and bitchiness.

That's why you're getting so much support here, because it's a really crap thing to do. Wishing you all the best. Hope the other 3 can see her for what she is.

Agh, so annoying - I typed out a long post and lost it!

I’ll try to keep this one as brief as I can!
I turned off my phone early last night but I was messaged by K, M and D all appearing shocked by what C has said. M has asked C what the fb messages said. There has been no further messages on WA this morning but that’s not unusual at this time.

To the poster who suggested checking FB for a fake profile - i’ve just checked and there are many profiles with my not unusual name. I’ve even checked messenger just to make sure that I haven’t somehow been hacked! I don’t use FB much and there are definitely no messages there to C’s husband. I’ve checked and he’s definitely not on my friends list - and neither are C and L when they were before I’ve searched and can find them so I’m not blocked. C has changed her cover pic last night to a wanky quote that says “2 of the rarest things we find are true love and loyal friends, keep them at high value in your heart” - 7 people have liked it, including L and M

I’m going to compose a message along the lines of what Pictish suggested and send that to the WA group and although I want to be the bigger person and not get involved in her fuckery, I really want to see these FB mesaages that are meant to be from me.

I’m off to take DD swimming now but will check back later.

Fuck me, I did an audible gasp when I read your post about her Facebook messaging story! What the actual fuck?! She sounds nasty and batshit.

People like her rely on nice people not having (in their eyes) the balls to confront these things. Prove her wrong and like people have said, make it clear to your friends exactly what has happened and that the accusations aren't true.

You can still keep your cool and be firm without sinking to her level. I would be using words like baffled, disappointed, shocked, let down etc rather than calling her a lying dickhead, which I'd be doing in my head obviously. Remember, when they go low, we go high.

They all need to grow up - confronting C about a lie that is such a character assassination is perfectly reasonable and if she denies doing it then she will be saying the other friend is a liar etc. Wicked whispers from witches.

What a shit show, I'm so sorry OP. You sound lovely and funny (I liked your I didn't laugh because he isn't fucking funny) 😂

I'm assuming C is short for Cunt.

Side note - I want to be @ElspethFlashman when I grow up.

Changed cover pic to that - classic wankery

Am sort of laughing at how ridiculous she is and how annoying that would be

Sorry cross posted with your last post OP

I’ve checked and he’s definitely not on my friends list - and neither are C and L when they were before. I’ve searched and can find them so I’m not blocked. C has changed her cover pic last night to a wanky quote that says “2 of the rarest things we find are true love and loyal friends, keep them at high value in your heart” - 7 people have liked it, including L and M

What an absolute bunch of bastards. I'm really sorry that this has escalated into such a toxic situation when you've attempted to resolve it a number of times despite having done nothing wrong. I don't even know what to suggest at this point, you don't need this shit in your life. Sorry OP 😔

Crikey Moses that are some completely batshit people around and OP seems to have got it in the neck from the top one

Shell be doing the OTT statuses soon with the obligatory exchange underneath:

"You ok hun?"

"Can't talk about it on here, inbox me"

She sounds like a grade a cunt. It's actually good she's revealed her true colours because god knows what else she'd have been saying about you behind your back without you knowing and knowing people like her she could have carried on for years faking a smile to your face.

Even if you have got a fucking annoying laugh she's got a fucking annoying personality.

I also don't think she believes you've sent messages, I think when she spoke to your other friend she used that as an excuse for the accidental text you got initially. And again she's relying (as all mean girls do) on other people not liking confrontation and not confronting her head on. She's been playing with fire and unfortunately for her she's finally feeling the burn. What a bully.

I can’t understand why C would be carrying on like this. My guess is its something in their marriage and you have somehow been brought into it.
Maybe her dh said why can’t you be more laid back like Jaysus or else she’s very unhappy and is jealous of your single life.

It’s not you it’s her.
If the others were any good they would tell her to give her head a wobble and apologize.

Sounds like you both live v near each other...one option is nipping round this w/e. See C & husband face to face all together and calmly ask wtf? May get to bottom of the whole thing & avoid multiple messages, Facebook posts, potential fallings out with rest of group etc...

I agree with @talkingmouse. All this composing message stuff to put on group texts or wa groups is a bit high school honestly.

Gosh people don’t grow up do they, sounds like high school drama.

I’d be tempted to withdraw from it all & breeze on by.

Why are single mums treated like desperate husband eaters? - disposed of my useless grump, I don’t want yours.

And changing your cover photo on social media to a wanky quote is definitely high school. Don’t stoop to that level. Don’t live this out on social media. Go round and confront her and her H. She won’t like that at all.

See C & husband face to face all together and calmly ask wtf?

This. Maybe take K with you so that C can’t spin the story afterwards to suit her agenda.

Sending huge hugs.
Ive been through something very similar, however the background to it was a friend in an abusive relationship who threw me under the bus when she went back to him,. Think accusing me of having an affair with a man Ive never met, and telling SS I encouraged her to take an injunction out against her husband as it would get her a quick divorce. ??!! - funnily enough SS had heard that one before.
Don't underestimate what she will do, I am also a single mother and its incredibly sad but many women see us as a threat. Its beyond ridiculous and frankly mysogynistic.
I would advise tackling it head on, I didn't, remained a dignified silence and she just got worse, ending with her ostracising my kids and making physical threats against us. In the end I moved schools, as I didn't want my childrens primary school years tainted by such incredible poison. I also had to go top the police and spoke to lawyers. if this is where you end up then you probably already have a civil harassment case, if it continues, then it becomes criminal. I had a cease and desist drawn up but never sent it as it was only addressed to her yet I believe her husband was the driving force behind it, and I found it difficult to attack somebody I truly believed to be a victim.
Your situation is v different, she's no victim, but an out and out bully, if I had my time again I think I would've faced them out, But if you do be ready for more lies. There will be no evidence against you, unless they have manufactured some, and she will do that, believe me, she will do whatever it takes to discredit you. Please get as much support as is humanly possible, we are all here for you. Its doubly hard when you don't have the support of a partner, but you will find out if any of these friendships are real.
My story ended happily - my kids are far happier at their new school, however I will never look at groups of school mums in the same way again. And like others have said I now keep the friendships to one on one where it come to school...
Funnily enough my nemesis was also a C - surely a coincidence?????

I haven't read all of the thread. I am a guy and I think that, even though you (OP) are older and (perhaps) less attractive than C the husband may have spoken in a positive way about you in the past and said that he is quite impressed at how you have dealt with the breakup etc etc.

C may have built this up a bit in her mind and seen a lot more there or the possibility of more there than is the case.

The text is pretty inexcusable and I am not sure how to handle it. It probably depends on how you see your relationship with the whole group going forward. I think I would take it as a lesson to back off on the friendship with C and possible L.

Omg this is crazy. She's going to look mad in the end.

I wonder what/if her husband knows?

That’s why I think it is important to get this off wa and text and go round and see them both. Fascinated what the husband knows.

Worth considering that she may not answer the door and to be excitedly messaging to all and sundry that you’ve come round.

Writing doesn’t make sense but you get the jist.