How should I reply to this text?

[JaysusWept]

Namechanged as I've told my work colleague already about this and I know she lurks on here. (She was absolutely no help - she's probably still laughing about it...)

Background is that I've been single for a couple of years after discovering he was cheating. I have an 8 year old DD.
I am friends with a small group who I have known for a few years - met through kids at nursery/starting school, etc. We do playdates, dinners, drinks out, whatsapp group which is used constantly, helping each other out, etc. We are close and I value all of their friendships.
For the past few weeks I have felt that one of the group, who I shall refer to as C, has been a bit 'off' with me. Nothing I can really put my finger on - I don't always do the drop off and pick ups at school for my DD, but when I have and I've seen C she hasn't chatted with me like she usually would, and 2 weeks ago 4 of us went out for drinks and I felt that there was a bit of an atmosphere when I was talking to her, although she was polite enough. There are people that I am closer to in the group but C and I have always been very friendly and have done many things with just the 2 of us.

Yesterday, I picked up my DD from school and C's husband was there to pick up their DD. The 4 of us walked back together and we stopped outside C's house to finish our chat briefly, before I carried on up the street. C came to the door but didn't come over although she did wave.

At 4pm I received a text from C which read "Doing her usual, all over XXXXX (her husband's name) and doing that stupid fucking laugh of hers" with a couple of angry emoticons.
I replied back "?" and she immediately sent back "Ooops, sorry! That was meant for L (mutual friend in group, but who is very close to C), talking about someone at work! Sorry, just delete!"
I didn't reply to that and almost straight after I received a text from L asking if I was up for a night out next weekend.

C was talking about me, wasn't she? L also wouldn't usually text me about a night out as it would be sent through the whatsapp chat.
I didn't do the drop off this morning, but C has text me (not in whatsapp group) to ask if I fancy going over to hers tomorrow after school with DD.
I'm not sure how best to respond.
Am I being paranoid in thinking that text was about me?

For the record, I don't know C's husband particularly well. I've chatted with him at group things we've attended and a few times we've walked home together if we've done school pick ups as I've got to pass their house on my way home. I am not attracted to him, and nothing untoward has ever happened or would happen, although I may very well have a stupid fucking laugh!

Any advice? I actually feel really fucking weirded out by this.

I would bet my house that a second WA group has been created and you are the main topic of conversation. I would also bet that K knew darn well what had happened and was fishing for gossip when she messaged you. You don't need this sort of toxicity in your life.

I would keep your distance from all of them and be very watchful of the dc as some women really are vile enough to turn children against each other and your dc may find themselves ostracised.

I agree with TheIriginal. I would try to find a new group away from DD’s school. But I would tell them all I have never had any contact on Facebook or elsewhere, other than walks home, with C’s husband.

God, this is a horrible situation to be in! I feel sorry for you, OP, but also livid on your behalf that you're being blamed.

I agree with ThePhoenixRises – L's reaction to all this very suspicious and I wouldn't be at all surprised if she's the one who's been messaging C's husband. Someone clearly is, which is why C's so paranoid about him talking to you, and my money's on her. It speaks volumes that she was the recipient of the text, as I wonder if she's been asking C about her husband to see if C suspects her.

Seeing as the situation has already imploded, I don't think you've got anything to lose by going for the nuclear option, frankly. Message C this morning saying how upset you are that she's spreading false accusations that you've been messaging her husband, tell her she's got 24 hours to produce the messages as proof or you'll be taking legal advice about where you stand regards defamation. Say that she of all people should know how you would feel to be accused of trying it on with someone else's husband given how devastated you were when yours had an affair.

I don't think the friendship is remotely salvageable now, so you've got nothing to lose by giving it to her both barrels to clear your name.

Sorry, did read single, but because of children got mixed up .

I think if you can do it offer too meet C, and talk, tell her you think someone is stiring things behind the scenes, that you have never messaged her husband, would never do that .
If you have never messaged him on Facebook he won't be in your list you can show her.

Message the group

‘It has come to light that C’s husband has been messaging other women on Facebook, for the record I would like to confirm this has absolutely nothing to do with me, I don’t even have xx as a contact, and would never do this to a friend anyway.

So whilst it is understandable that C is deeply upset and may make not be making the best judgement calls at the moment and seems to be accusing all and sundry, I would prefer to stay out of their problems.

Looking forward to catching up with you soon for coffee or wine, I won’t be talking about this subject again.

Thank you for your support xx

She is lying to keep the others onside op. Clear your name, disengage completely and then you will see if you have any real friends in the group (or not)

I am sorry you are on the receiving end of such disgraceful behaviour, but remember this says much more about her than it does about you.

Disengage from the whole group and let the dust settle, or you risk further escalation. She will stop at nothing.

Give the others a wide berth too op. You can’t trust anyone at this point. They may be collecting information rather than supporting you.

I would just act normally with the other 3 and let C and L get on with whatever they are up to whilst ignoring them. As a pp said tell the other what has happened with no added presumtions or conclusions and then dont mention it again.

I dont think you should be distancing yourself from the other 3 just because C and L have some soet of conspiracy going on.

I really hope those 3 are genuine but if you arent talking about it other than to give the facts then you have nothing to worry about because they will have nothing to report back. I thibk most proper grown up people have enough of their own shit goinf on that they get bored of other peoples very quickly if they have no personal investment in it

There's some good examples of what to text the group although I would avoid the whole "I'd never do that to a friend" and go with "I have zero interest in X".

I'd follow up with a very firm and public conversation with the husband asking him what the hell is he playing at. Throw the burning ball right back at them

Personally, I would message C:

"I have been made aware that you believe that I have been messaging your husband. I have never messaged him, and I don't have him as a contact. Obviously this is extremely upsetting for me, and the two of you, and I am therefore extremely concerned that someone has set up a fake profile with my details. I will of course be contacting Facebook today asking them to look into this, and would appreciate any help that you and your husband can give me - screenshots, dates, times etc. I will forward you any responses from them and keep you updated."

Then screenshot the message and send it to the group (and L, if she's left?), asking if they have had any contact from your "fake profile".I did something similar recently, with someone lying about having been hacked on WA, as an excuse for some messages sent to me, and it got the truth out of them.

I think it’s a mistake to consider C is reasonable with long messages. She’s fine with saying anything to make you the bad one. And has a lot of time to keep going on this. L probably hasn’t done anything with the h but is enjoying the drama and bitching.

I know it’s too late but that single ? would have been enough. Now just don’t waffle in text it’ll be fodder.

The whole thing is so ridiculous. Although I know you must be livid.

I wouldn’t text or WA anything. Just go round there and ask what is going on and for her to show you the evidence. If not you will be getting legal advice. Done.

I would most definitely post something-doing nothing makes you look guilty.

I think this scenario is both simple and common.

C has totally fucked up with the text. She got caught out uber-bitching and has panicked. She immediately tried a simple deflection (woman at work) but OP didn’t accept it.
Fuck, what now? Everyone will know what a liar and a cunt I am...it’s her or me and they’ll choose her. I’ll have to cover it up with a bigger lie to turn it back on her and then brass it out. It’s my only way out.

She’s chucking you under the bus to save herself.

See it, declare it, refuse to entertain it. You’re not guilty of anything so you can be completely open. Her nastiness will similarly speak for itself.

Where L comes into all of this is anyone’s guess. I assume she’s in thrall to C in some way. She hedged her loyalty with the wrong person. She’s got some thinking to do.

If someone is messaging her H pretending to be you he would not be acting normally towards you on the school run.

She is either lying to cover being a complete two faced cunt to you.

Or her H is contacing someone else under your name.

If it was the second I don't think she would just have been cool and bitching about your 'flirting & laugh'.

Either way it is her problem not yours.

Hold your head high. Tell anyone who asks it is between her and her H, it has nothing to do with you & she is mistaken about this unknown 3rd person being you.

Don't let it affect you or your DD if she starts shit.

Pictish has it, she’s fucked up and will go postal now to save face.

Oh and if this mysterious 3rd person exists she has just lost a major friend and support.

What have you lost?

An untrustworthy two faced backstabbing bitch who pretended to be your friend.

She had lost way more than you have even if if doesn't seem like it right now.

C's husband probably isn't messaging anyone-it's just her trying to justify why she dislikes Op.

She might not even think that Op is "all over" her husband, just simple dislike & made up reasons for it.

I'd be really pissed off about this and would have to send her a letter by recorded delivery saying that you have evidence that she's said x y z and as it is wholly untrue it is slander. Any repetition and you will involve your lawyer.

Right...group chat. You’re silence is conspicuous whether we like it or not...such is the intrusive nature of social media. Tell the unvarnished, plain truth.

Hi all
Following doing the school walk home with Steven on Tuesday, I received a nasty text from C that she sent to me rather than L, in error.

insert text

Just wanted to make clear the following. I am not interested in Steven and nor have I ever been. I am pissed off about that text. It’s insulting and a lie.
I have heard that C has accused me of messaging him behind her back on Facebook. I have never messaged Steven on Facebook. He isn’t on my friends list. That is also a lie.

I’m not sure how to proceed but I wanted to be open on this as obviously there has been a lot of speculation about C and L leaving the group chat.
Where L features in this, I can’t say as I haven’t spoken to her.

That’s all I know. I’m sorry that all this has occurred. So awkward, but I felt I had to comment in case my silence seemed conspicuous.
Xxx

‘It has come to light that C’s husband has been messaging other women on Facebook, for the record I would like to confirm this has absolutely nothing to do with me, I don’t even have xx as a contact, and have absolutely no interest in Xxx

So whilst it is understandable that C is deeply upset and may make not be making the best judgement calls at the moment and seems to be accusing all and sundry, I would prefer to stay out of their problems.

Looking forward to catching up with you soon for coffee or wine, I won’t be talking about this subject again.

Thank you for your support xx

This from @sailingclosetothewind with the modified, I have absolutely no interest in xxx, is good.

And perhaps message C to say you would love to see copies of these alleged messages to her DH and reiterate you're not remotely interested in him. Perhaps say how disappointed you are in the way she has chosen to deal with this. Although I take on board that anything you message will be used as fodder to gossip about.

What a shit situation.

@pictish has a better text

We don’t know if he’s been messaging anyone though. I think it’s just a load of nonsense spouted in panic. Nothing has come to light, C has, in all likelihood, made shit up.

Stick to the bald facts, offer no opinions or speculation. The bald facts are enough.

Great message, pictish! I'd also add the line 'My conscience is clear' at the end.

Generally I would agree that silence is the best, but I think it is just making you look guilty here now. If you don't want contact with these women any more, then go for it and ignore them. But don't be surprised when rumors spread about you. I would post something like pictish said, and then leave it at that.