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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

How should I reply to this text?

999 replies

JaysusWept · 12/09/2019 10:34

Namechanged as I've told my work colleague already about this and I know she lurks on here. (She was absolutely no help - she's probably still laughing about it...)

Background is that I've been single for a couple of years after discovering he was cheating. I have an 8 year old DD.
I am friends with a small group who I have known for a few years - met through kids at nursery/starting school, etc. We do playdates, dinners, drinks out, whatsapp group which is used constantly, helping each other out, etc. We are close and I value all of their friendships.
For the past few weeks I have felt that one of the group, who I shall refer to as C, has been a bit 'off' with me. Nothing I can really put my finger on - I don't always do the drop off and pick ups at school for my DD, but when I have and I've seen C she hasn't chatted with me like she usually would, and 2 weeks ago 4 of us went out for drinks and I felt that there was a bit of an atmosphere when I was talking to her, although she was polite enough. There are people that I am closer to in the group but C and I have always been very friendly and have done many things with just the 2 of us.

Yesterday, I picked up my DD from school and C's husband was there to pick up their DD. The 4 of us walked back together and we stopped outside C's house to finish our chat briefly, before I carried on up the street. C came to the door but didn't come over although she did wave.

At 4pm I received a text from C which read "Doing her usual, all over XXXXX (her husband's name) and doing that stupid fucking laugh of hers" with a couple of angry emoticons.
I replied back "?" and she immediately sent back "Ooops, sorry! That was meant for L (mutual friend in group, but who is very close to C), talking about someone at work! Sorry, just delete!"
I didn't reply to that and almost straight after I received a text from L asking if I was up for a night out next weekend.

C was talking about me, wasn't she? L also wouldn't usually text me about a night out as it would be sent through the whatsapp chat.
I didn't do the drop off this morning, but C has text me (not in whatsapp group) to ask if I fancy going over to hers tomorrow after school with DD.
I'm not sure how best to respond.
Am I being paranoid in thinking that text was about me?

For the record, I don't know C's husband particularly well. I've chatted with him at group things we've attended and a few times we've walked home together if we've done school pick ups as I've got to pass their house on my way home. I am not attracted to him, and nothing untoward has ever happened or would happen, although I may very well have a stupid fucking laugh!

Any advice? I actually feel really fucking weirded out by this.

OP posts:
JaysusWept · 13/09/2019 10:45

Divided opinions here about whether to stay silent or not!
That's what I think - that me not having said anything in the group chat makes me look guilty. When I've nothing to feel guilty about!

K, M and D seem genuinely bemused by it all, so I don't think they've heard anything from C or L.
I'm closest to K, so I'm thinking of just letting her know. She knows I'm not one for drama so will understand why I haven't made a big deal of it in the WA.

OP posts:
Honeyroar · 13/09/2019 10:45

But may be best to say it face to face rather than on the chat or in messages. Then move onto another conversation. If anyone wants to try and dig, just say "let's not drag it over the coals".

AhNowTed · 13/09/2019 10:47

So call K.

Don't put it on the chat.

Honeyroar · 13/09/2019 10:48

Yes call K. That's enough. See what she says.

Morgan12 · 13/09/2019 10:48

Jeezo what a pair of drama queens!

Think it's probably best if you just say on WA what happened. Just keep it factual. Don't give any personal opinion on it and nowt can come back to bite you.

MarshaBradyo · 13/09/2019 10:49

It’ll be on group chat as you speak ; the reformulated version so think about what to say

MarshaBradyo · 13/09/2019 10:50

There’s no doubt they’re champing at the bit to find out

mankyfourthtoe · 13/09/2019 10:50

If you're cutting them all off then say nothing.

If you want to salvage what you can and the others have been good to you then I would give the barest details

TheAlternativeTentacle · 13/09/2019 10:51

'Hi. I think i can shed some light...or not. I had a message from C that appeared to be about me, meant for L and then another saying it was actually about a work colleague. I then got bombarded with offers to meet up and asking if i was all right [which, if it wasn't about me...well you can fill in the gaps]. We spoke last night and it escalated and she left the group. And then L left. Again, if it wasn't about me then what is all this about? So, apparently I am after her husband and have a horrid laugh. That's literally it. I am as baffled as anyone. My guess is what will follow is some sort of side taking where I will be ostracised for absolutely nothing apart from asking what the text was about - but in order to save C's face she will approach you all individually to take sides. So, anyway. That's all folks'.

Euromillsplz · 13/09/2019 10:53

@CuriousaboutSamphire
Ask her if she requires The SIngle Person's Sackcloth and Ashes to be worn..🤣🤣

loobylou10 · 13/09/2019 10:53

Do exactly what @WhoKnewBeefStew suggested. It's the truth - let them make their own minds up.

AhNowTed · 13/09/2019 10:56

No don't put all that in writing. You'll look just as bad as them.

Just call K.

MarshaBradyo · 13/09/2019 10:58

Also over invested don’t write all that

ContessaLovesTheSunshine · 13/09/2019 10:58

I'd send something to the group OP. Something along the lines of what others have suggested above, but try to stay as factual as possible and reiterate your confusion rather than annoyance - I've found that works pretty well in the battle for public opinion (which is what this now is, incidentally).

Idontwanttotalk · 13/09/2019 10:59

@TheAlternativeTentacle

"Does she still really think all single women are after her husband? Paranoid much. Do you think he is still sleeping around? Lol'

and then say 'Oops that's for a friend, about a friend at work'."
Brilliant. It would let her know that you know she was lying.

ContessaLovesTheSunshine · 13/09/2019 10:59

Or call K, whatever works for you! Just remember: factual and puzzlement Grin

DarlingNikita · 13/09/2019 11:00

They're cowards and they're very immature not to be able to deal with it in an adult way.

I think you should speak to K but don't say anything on WA.

MarshaBradyo · 13/09/2019 11:02

Sleep on it before you call K

As she will spin it for you on chat

Ihatefootball86 · 13/09/2019 11:06

Never understand why people come on here for advice - get excellent advice then proceed to do the opposite. 🤷‍♀️

Euromillsplz · 13/09/2019 11:09

I should just text her that her da sells Avon.

Hahahahaha 🤣

amiapropermum · 13/09/2019 11:12

Speak to K. I said upthread that C would now feel that you remind her of something bitchy she did so would react badly. That's why I thought face to face would be better because it's easier to duck away on the phone. C wont want to admit to herself that she's in the wrong so it's all going to become your fault. I'm sorry for you OP - it's the last thing you need. Do talk to K and be matter of fact. I hope she's a sensible and compassionate person

AryaStarkWolf · 13/09/2019 11:13

I think I'd probably fill the others in the group in on what happened because they will eventually get a version from C & L and it probably will be a very different version to what actually happened. You don't want their side to be the only one out there

CodenameVillanelle · 13/09/2019 11:14

Never understand why people come on here for advice - get excellent advice then proceed to do the opposite. 🤷‍♀️

Firstly because they may just want to talk it over, secondly your view of excellent advice might not be everyone's and thirdly there is plenty of advice to do one thing and also to do the complete opposite on this post so she's not going to please everyone whatever she does!

MadeForThis · 13/09/2019 11:16

Call K. Anything you write could be screenshot and sent to C. This could just feed the drama.

lovemenorca · 13/09/2019 11:18

'Hi. I think i can shed some light...or not. I had a message from C that appeared to be about me, meant for L and then another saying it was actually about a work colleague. I then got bombarded with offers to meet up and asking if i was all right [which, if it wasn't about me...well you can fill in the gaps]. We spoke last night and it escalated and she left the group. And then L left. Again, if it wasn't about me then what is all this about? So, apparently I am after her husband and have a horrid laugh. That's literally it. I am as baffled as anyone. My guess is what will follow is some sort of side taking where I will be ostracised for absolutely nothing apart from asking what the text was about - but in order to save C's face she will approach you all individually to take sides. So, anyway. That's all folks'.

Long waffley and presuming that there will be side taking and ostracising.

Ignore

Short simple to the point.