Can anyone explain what I'm looking at?

[HeadLikeSpaghetti]

Hi all. I'm new to mumsnet and was pointed here by a friend.
This could really be something or nothing and I'm so confused. I've been married for years. Really happily, I've never had one issue with him in all the time we've been together. But... on Sunday I was walking past the spare room where his laptop is when I saw him quickly click out of an email account that didn't look like his. When I asked he got all flustered and said of course it was but Ive got a terrible feeling about his reaction.
This morning I still hadn't shaken it so started digging. I put his phone no in various providers and it was linked to gmail. (His isn't gmail). Now this is where it could be nothing. I can also get into this gmail with his other (usual) email. It then gives the option to convert his usual account to gmail. So I'm guessing it may be innocent but could anyone explain the following please

1. He has a few passwords he uses. The one to get into this gmail is different from his email one
2. There is a username that is not mentioned anywhere on his usual account
3. This username with gmail.com on the end is a recognised email address but the same password doesn't work with it
4. There are options to look at internet history and location history (this one says paused) but I can't seem to look at anything.

I'm just so confused with what I'm looking at. I've always trusted him and feel bad for even writing this but then keep thinking what if?
I know not all perfect husbands are what they seem!

"I can’t believe that google thing doesn’t show everything. There surely can’t be any more of it!!!"

Well it shows you searches and websites visited, but does not capture every page of a website visited.

So for example (if my understanding and use of it is correct, someone may correct me), you could visit Asda to go shopping, but it may not show you every single page on the Asda website that you visit, if that makes sense? So Asda is the homepage and then are subpages, like subsections, and from what I can tell, the Google Activity does not save them all.

You can test it for yourself. Log into Gmail, then do a few searches and visit a website or two. The history which is automatically saved on your local device, so your phone or tablet etc etc will shows those subpage, but Google Activity does not appear to.

It is still a pretty good function though.

So sorry about this OP.

Just caught up OP and what a horrible shock for you.
You are doing all the right things at the moment.
Just take each hour at a time.
Get everything in place that you can.
Try to eat and keep hydrated.
The adrenalin will keep you going for a while but when that goes and you crash, you'll need your strength.
I just wanna cry for you OP.
I fucking hate men.

ps what I was actually trying to say is that there probably is nothing more missed out, everything is there, but it's like the main chapters of a book rather than every single paragraph, whereas your device history logs every single paragraph, if that makes sense?

I was about to say how I also feel that when there are secret accounts or history deleting or incognito its norm because they are up to no good , then I just see this last reply from you and I'm genuiey hoping I'm just a paranoid moron and that he is actually planning a pleasant surprise for you .......there is nothing wrong with you looking if he has shown you signs that you believe to be off. You know him best the most I guess, instinct is what it is ... and if things are innocent he wont mind you looking I'm sure , so dont feel bad for looking you said you have never done it before and that is because instinct never tweaked the feelings of unsure ness. It's a shame they have been tweaked but I hope it's all for nothing :)

pps The fact that his location log shows he was in the specific area where the prostitute lives is proof enough really....

In my mind, the years of visits to those sites tells you something.

Healthy non-cheating men (and women) only using porn don't go repeatedly onto escort sites and such like. He may try to fob you off that he was using those sites for masturbation purposes, don't believe it. Plus his location log tells another story.

Oh no OP, this is awful for you and your girls.

I can't offer any other advice other than what's been offered, however I do want to wish you well and reassure you that we are all here for you.

I'm so sorry that your seemingly lovely DH has done this to you. We'll all be here for you when you kick him out. X

The fact that his location log shows he was in the specific area where the prostitute lives is proof enough really....

^ This. It’s hard evidence he’s actually booked and gone. If you can, OP, try do some digging in bank accounts to get further proof. You’re doing amazingly well.

You’re in shock right now, but once you get to the angry phase, you’ll know exactly what you want to say to him.

Ffs I managed to miss the ops messages of what she found out ... I'm in shock myself.. same happened to me ... it's better to know now than in 10 or 20 years , your still young enough to live a happy life, it's not too late so dont let him mess you up , not everyone are beasts . It will take time for you to heal but I'm sure many will agree tou will definitely get there x be it through anger and tears and spontaneous happenings and more anger and tears you will get back to you and he will be long gone from your heart. The power will become yours the morning you wake up and stop loving him

Yes I think the fact his phone has put him on her estate says it all. Why can’t I get angry. I thought I would have killed him. It’s almost like I know he’s been there but he popped in for a cup of tea (probably what he will try telling me!). I can’t imagine him taking his clothes off and shagging someone, although I know that’s what’s happened. Someone said I will find my anger, I hope so. I’ve just been hiding with a headache today, I can’t be do anything and I certainly don’t want to look at him.
It makes sense about the google thing. It’s just the searches rather than what he’s navigated to. So that mean he has typed in this escorts name as it took me straight to her page. As well as googling them in general.
He’s going to regret this. In every way. Idiot.

I’ve just looked through the searches. Now I’m getting fucking angry.

You're going through the very natural stages of grief. Shock is the first, followed by denial and then ANGER will set in. God help him when it does! You’re right, he is an idiot. He’s thrown it all away.

Here’s a link to an article about the stages of grief:

www.betterhelp.com/advice/grief/understanding-the-stages-of-grief/

Anger is good. It is the healthy response. Just be careful not to channel it directly at him. You need to keep your cool with him for a number of reasons.

Like you, I was ready to literally pop. It is one of the most horrendous feelings I have ever had. But thank God I trusted my intuition and looked.

If you can link the searches back to bank statements, so checking the location history dates and times with money withdrawals in that area and/or shortly beforehand in another area, then you have him. Although you have him already...

Did you friend's husband get a price off the woman he made the fake booking with?

You may need allow him a moment to go every shade of colour when he discovers what you have discovered .... and years of it too ... trust me he will go every shade of fuckery !!! He may also melt ... if he dares to get angry well ... aim for the tool he uses to be seedy with!!!

Anger is good, it'll give you so much strength. Just make sure you channel it constructively.

I'm furious on your behalf OP, we all are on here

Find your anger OP, it will get you through. You are going to find this hard to get through without confronting so get all the info on finances that you need ASAP and see a lawyer if you can before confronting. I know because I had to keep to myself for 6 weeks that my H had an emotional affair in the past, may have been more, not sure if he will ever admit to it. I chose to confront the day before Xmas eve a couple of years ago, basically so he had a bloody miserable Christmas. Nasty I know, but so deserved. I so feel for you, I remember the hideous feeling of living with someone who just was no longer what you thought he was and keeping it to myself till I did more digging. Found out at the same time through the snooping that he had a pretty bad porn habit too,(Google history here came up trumps) constantly searching for milf lesbians, from a guy who had said in the past that ‘he wasn’t that interested’ and it did nothing for him. That aspect I’ve still never confronted him on. We are still married because it wasn’t a situation like yours, but I must admit whilst I do care , and we do get on, it doesn’t feel the same. In your case, please don’t waiver, you wouldn’t ever be able to rid yourself of the thoughts. We will all be thinking of you. X

May be worth getting an itemised bill and look up some of the call history too .. he may have slipped , when they are hiding things for so long.. they slip trust me

Last post sounds daft sorry , I mean another piece of evidence that may be a number to the call girl or the main number etc

Oh this is awful. What a sleaze bag.

Be prepared for him to say he drove to her place but bottled it (repeatedly...). Or that he only let her wank him off. And then that he went through with it but couldn’t finish.

It’s a whole script, and it’s bullshit.

It consumed so much of my time searching and it crushed me . But I'm glad I found what I did and I know there was more on top of everything ingad already found... I'm over that shit now tho so I'm lucky I can say this , but I've been where you are I feel you, just try not to let anyone see your mind is elsewhere, get acting like that fucker has all these years

What an arsehole op

Can someone explain to me what the 'google activity' or history is that you can search? Rather than the browser history. Is it everything your google account has done?

Well done for taking the time to get your ducks in a row. Agree with previous posters to try and link some financials if you can.

Really sorry this has happened, what a dick.

I'm so sorry this is happening, I cant imagine the strength you have , to not have flipped out on him already

@popehilarious if you go back through the thread, @Gemma1971 explains how to look at search history using a gmail account. She included photos, too.

doh, thanks!