I’ve been here, got married, had Dc while always knowing it wasn’t right. It was complicated by a few factors, my XH being abusive for one, but it was very hard to come to terms with.
I had to leave. I’m really not joking when I say it was either that or be dead. I told XH before I had found somewhere to live because I thought it was the right thing to do. I wouldn’t recommend this, it was an awful environment for all of us to live in. XH who had only been a bit violent got worse, and there was one point where I literally had to flee for my own safety.
My best advice is 1, counselling if you can access it. 2, arm yourself with as much info as you can find, about housing, about divorce, about benefits, all the nuts and bolts stuff you need to live.
Regarding your family, you never know quite how that will go. My family were always hugely homophobic, esp my DM, but she was kind of ok about it. She was a bit off to start with but she had two choices, either come to terms with it or lose a daughter. Fortunately she did the former, although my mother can be somewhat difficult anyway. My dad really didn’t care much. As long as I’m alright he’s not bothered. Obviously you know your own parents but they might not take it as hard as you think, and as a wise woman once said to me, don’t expect your family to immediately come to terms with something it’s taken you years, decades to understand.
The DC will be fine as long as they have a healthy happy mum who cares for them. Kids are resilient, and a new normal doesn’t take long to get used to. My DC’s dad doesn’t see them now, for many reasons, none of which are to do with me being a lesbian. They have their mum and stepmum though so they’re fine.
I’d suggest trying to access lesbian support groups but there’s really nothing out there now, and what there is has been colonized by men who identify as lesbians. I wish I had some useful links and tips but there really isn’t anything. Beware of anything LGBT, because it’s male centric, kink obsessed and generally not a healthy place for a vulnerable women, or indeed any woman to be. Us dykes are out there though, it’s just that finding us takes more time and effort than it used to.
If you want a chat then PM me if you like.
In answer to your question, is your happiness worth your H’s and DCs’? Your happiness may depend on what you choose now. Your DC will be happy if you’re happy and they’ll be unhappy if you’re unhappy, and your H’s happiness really isn’t your responsibility. There are any number of women out there he might meet and be happy with but he can’t be happy with you if you’re not happy with him. It’s a two way street, but the only way you can allow someone else to be happy is if you make the right choice for yourself.
To the PP who said if you’re in your mid 30s then it’s your own fault because being a lesbian was an option, I’m betting my house your straight, right? It’s not something I’ve ever heard out of the mouth of any lesbian I’ve ever known. May I direct you to your lane, which is over there 👉🏼