UPDATE TIME!
So...turn up at Mr Cactus' at 4.30pm. We don't hug we don't kiss we just sit next to each other on the sofa and play some games. Then we eventually go out for food - nothing fancy though. Ended up going to a chain restaurant. We had a nice time, he was being quite silly which was funny. Drove home to his, watched some TV - I was pretty tired so wanted to go to bed. Went to bed....DTD :D And oh my goodness, so I am really insecure about my body because I have maybe 3 stone to lose and its not pretty as I've lost like 9 stone. But I was okay with him. And it was funny because I said, you need to blah blah blah RIGHT NOW. So we did. What that made me realise is that the past 8 years with my ex, you couldn't even call what we did sex. I don't mean to be mean really but my ex was rather small and well, he had ED so it was frustrating as he wouldn't seek any help for it...I understand its embarrasing but I broke down crying one morning saying, I don't want to have bad sex for the rest of my life.
So went to sleep, woke up, cuddled as usual. Got up, went and watched TV quite early. Then we were sat on the sofa cuddling and he said, I asked you a while ago, what you were looking for do you think you can answer that now. And I said, my answer is still the same - it depends on the person. I quite like you so surely that explains it.
He said he felt under pressure not to break my heart (maybe because we're in our thirties and I am a single mum?)
He wanted to know where my head was at because he couldn't read me very wel.
I said its obvious I like you a lot (I mean I let him DTD)
He said he was unsure about whether he wants a relationship or whether he wants to be friends with me BECAUSE he hasn't had long relationships - for a variety of reasons they don't work out. And as he thinks I am great, he doesn't want to get 6 months down the line and ruin our friendship. I said, well a good relationship is a friendship foremost anyway. I said, stopping now is no different to stopping in three months - I will still be hurt and its unlikely I would be able to be friends with you because I'm past the point where I could seperate romantic with friendship with you.
He said me having a son confuses things for him as he is already worried how he will supposed to act around him, I said you aren't going to meet him for a while because it changes the dynamic.
Him being unsure wasn't him being unsure about me, it was that I don't think he wanted to get invested if it wasn't going to work because he likes me? If that makse sense?
I asked him what his gut said - he said his gut never really tells him anything.
I said, okay ask yourself this one question. Do you like me enough to want to pursue a relationship with me and his instant answer was yes. Putting aside his pessismims and worries, does he want me in his life or not, he said in his life. I said me on one hand, not me on another hand - which one do you prefer. He said me.
I said, that is how life works - there will always be doubts, but there isn't any pressure. I'm not going to tell you next month I am in love with you and you should move in. We have our own places, we see each other when we can and we enjoy our time together. Go at whatever speed feels comfortable for us. He said that made him feel better.
Two choices, stop this now because you're worried, or just go with it because you like me. I also said, my son has grown up with me having guy friends and us going out and doing stuff with guys my age. He is used to platonic guy friends being around, it doesn't make much difference to him. At the end of the day DS has a father, who spends time with him - there is no confusion to be had right now.
Ten minutes later we were back in bed LOL.
This whole conversation comes because he doesn't want to be selfish, I said well you're human - we're innately selfish. As long as you're honest with me the whole time then we can be adults about it. But I was clear with him that for me this is going somewhere, but at the same time - it doesn't mean it will be perfect. I know he really likes me, I think he's just struggling because he's never had this conversation with someone before. He's never established what the other person wants from him.