Dating thread 169: You know that tingly feeling you get when you like someone? That's common sense leaving your body...

[JeSuisPrest]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you. 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread

Thread 169 open for business, roll up, roll up...

Lovely news @Ant330 @Sunshineandflipflops what a lovely update and really glad it's working...Mr Tall and I were exactly the same until his bombshell went off

Oh those are such lovely updates!

Bloody hell that gives me hope that all the ups and downs might be worth it. Maybe I’ll undelete the apps!

@Ant330 Ten minutes from your work, if here place is near by do take advantage of your lunch breaks!

Aarghh I sense a pulling back from MrTri today. Very few messages, answering mine eventually but hardly online.
Entitled to be busy of course but usually tells me what he’s up to.
It’s the total change in style that gets me. Something definitely up....
Will leave it a day or two then ask. He doesn’t seem the type to just withdraw without giving a reason, but something is so different....

At least it’s not going to only be a doom and gloom thread though, we can all live through @Sunshineandflipflops and @Ant330
So pleased to hear happy news you two

@Savoretti it's a horrible feeling isn't it? Mr Tall went from 250 messages a day to 28 very forced messages in a couple of days. I was so worried I almost called the police to do a welfare check on him after he went totally silent for a whole day/night. Hopefully he's just really busy and hasn't had chance

@onlymebutdifferent yep similar here. It’s not a gradual slowing down just a totally different vibe today. He will have to explain himself as we are supposed to be going away in 3 weeks and if he’s having doubts/backing off then I’d rather know now....

@SBD1 why can't he manage long relationships? What's his longest? How old is he? Has he ever lived with a woman?

ant congrats on a good date

ginmel what's happening? I cant quite figure it out

@supercali77 Usual about 5 months, longest was 18 months - lived with someone yes but ended badly as she had severe depression

Savoretti fingers crossed for you there's a simple explanation and nothing wrong 🤞
Sunshine really pleased to hear you so happy!
It's only a 1st date for me but it went well. She's a widow and I'm the 1st person she's dated since, so there are some question marks in my head but nothing to worry about yet and may be unfounded. However taking it on face value it went well, she seems very happy, and has just invited me to stay at hers on Thurs

@SBD1 he sounds emotionally unavailable for anything beyond the basics on first read.
You happy with that?

@ant I'm currently messaging a widower and have a lot of questions. Are you going to stay at hers Thursday?

@supercali77 See, actually I think he is emotionally available. He's very affectionate I think he's just a little bit cautious (to use his words) but not for bad reasons. After the conversation he seemed a lot happier, I said well I want to take it slow after all. We've got a date planned for Thursday anyway. We haven't been affectionate in public so I'm going to see what happens if I try to hold his hand haha

Glad your date went well @Ant330

I thought the same @SBD1 he's told you he's not ready for a relationship and wonders if you should be friends just after you had slept together? Read like a classic Mr Unavailable to me.

Sorry to hear things feel different @Savoretti I hope he's just busy/distracted.

Oh see I didn't take it that way actually. He did say he was emotionally ready and after the conversation I asked how he felt about it and he said he was good and it helped, he just didn't want to let me down. I am happy to take it as it comes. if it amounts to nothing I will be sad BUT thats life

Saying he doesn’t want to let you down is classic Mr Unavailable/Player script as well. I suggest you cut contact before you get hurt. I’ve been there too many times with those exact words spoken by the man.

Great updates ant and sunshine!

sbd1 I have to say I can see other poster's points but 🤞 for you all is good.

All good my end but have been very busy with non dating things- seem to be busier on my days off and go to work for a break!

Have managed to squeeze in a few snatched hours and dtd with bf this week. Wishing the week away as lots of plans this w/e including more time with bf as child-free. Have also told exh about him&🤞after a long wait I will soon be free of house with exp. So hopefully things are on the up..

Great update ant I was hoping things would go well with MissTiny after the second chance. Lovely to read your update too sunshine it gives me hope! I'm not experienced enough to comment sbd1 but picking up tips in case I need them further on the line. I would think I appreciated the honesty and enjoy it for what it was!
MrSmooth was a MrFlake and he's deleted.
MrSweet continues to be so and although we made tentative plans for a coffee he didn't mention it again and I'd quite like him to suggest the next move. I get the idea he wants to take things slowly but I'm mindful of the overinvestment thing.
I also have a new iron I will call Mr Young, he's 4 years my junior but does seem to have his head screwed on and hasn't sent me a dick pic

Ant and Sunshine

Welcome back Ginmel. *SBD1 I tend to agree with the others - he does sound like he's not ready. I hope for your sake he is.

Gotham he's got a bloody cheek! I cannot imagine saying anything like that to anyone. He's telling you what to do and what time frame!! Sweeping generalisation coming up, but barrister is one of the professions with a high percentage of narcissists - there are red flags here. And all the text abuse when you don't do what he wants is classic

only Mr BC is a widower - it has its own challenges. Had a lovely time with him at the weekend. He went straight from mine to the airport (European city) for work this morning then he's flying from there to the US. I won't see him until Saturday and I miss him already

Good morning! looking for my common sense, anyone seen it?

I want to say thank you to everyone who recommended Mr Unavailable and the Fallback Girl to me. What a revealing book. Sometimes we need a slap with a wet fish across our faces to be able to see it for what it is. 🐠

This weekend 4 guys reappeared that had dropped off the face of the earth. One of them I had clarified my general intentions to (relationship) because he was grandpa speed at texting and continuously mentions how busy he is (aren't we all...!) and he did not reply with his general intentions but just say he doesn't think these conversations are good via sms as the body language gets lost. He still wants to meet but I'm thinking he's wishywashy because he wants to convince me to be casual, been there.

Another guy i know for a while, apart from always talking about himself and never really asking me questions (and not appearing to be interested in any answer I give) got so far that he mansplained my job to me, and in a different context indirectly said it would be too boring for him (I worked very hard for my career and just because he's a medical doctor doesn't mean everyone else's job is inferior). The way to wow a girl...

The reason I don’t feel like what he said was a big issue is mainly because he has always been very kind and respectful of my boundaries. He takes the moment to check I’m okay and stuff. And the conversation felt like an extension of that to be honest. But....I’ll chat to him on Thursday about it and I think I’ll say, that if this unsure thing is because he doesn’t know he’s ready then I’m going to take a step back.

Morning all, how do you distract yourself from going back on the apps?

MrEP I think has backed right off, might just be work but for once I’m trying not to ask if he’s in or out and just write him off in my mind. I hate the bland texts and no offers of another meet, I usually call it out but sometimes wonder if it’s better just to wait for the fade?

While lovely MrRugby I think may be a chatter not a dater after the first meet, so again not going to ask.

Although if they are both out I’d rather they say, I do feel some people are so cowardly!

Other than that I have no irons and think I need a break from the horrible ups and downs and that uncomfortable “waiting” for messages feeling. I’m away soon for a couple of weeks and think I should just not date until I’m back. But need the resist the apps and thinking about it!

Also I need to lose my final stone to be happy with myself before dating again. That extra weight and seeing my post kids body is the only reason I can think of for MrEP being gone . Though without surgery I’m never going to be toned!

@Ginmel and @KeepCalmCarryOhFuckIt my iron is 4 years younger but I don't see him as young. I wonder if he sees me as old!! 🙈

@SBD1I think you are very new to dating. Obviously we can only go on what you put in here but I would advise you listen to what he says. I speak from experience. I fell for Mr S who texted me all day every day, wanted to see me 3-4 times a week, helped me do odd jobs around the house, got to know my kids etc. He was caring and affectionate. But he had told me had issues. I didn't listen because I watched his actions and took assurance from them. He ended things with me as he wasn't emotionally available and I was heartbroken. Always listen to what they tell you.