Dating thread 169: You know that tingly feeling you get when you like someone? That's common sense leaving your body...

[JeSuisPrest]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you. 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread

Thread 169 open for business, roll up, roll up...

@tickettocrazytown personally I avoid the whole sexting thing until I've met someone and am sure there's an attraction. Otherwise it feels a bit icky then when you meet and there's no spark. What are you looking for from a relationship? If it's fine to sexfing before you've met I'd assume he's more interested in sex than a relationship. Who steered it to sex?

@notcoolmum I think it was gradual and I'd say mutual. I'm not going into anything with any expectation, as had some ego bruising experiences... We've swapped quite a few recent photos and I definately find him attractive, but you're right, it's not an ideal situation when we've yet to meet
I'm trying my hardest to stop overninvesting myself in this, I've made a few rookie mistakes in the past few months.

@tickettocrazytown sometimes you have to and the mistakes to learn from them. If it was mutual and you have no expectations that sounds OK. We all make a ton of mistakes and then try and learn from them then post them on here!!

Despite my intention to walk away from dating, I met an amazing man this week and we connected mentally and in terms of our interests. Nothing sexual happened. Unfortunately it seems although he's separated there's a tiny possibility he will reunite with his wife so I've walked away. I hope for his and his family sake they can reunite. Selfishly I hope he will continue along the divorce path. If its meant to be and all that... it was another reminder about what I need in a relationship though so taking it as a lesson.

Have 5 other irons on fab, none of whom need names yet. They could all cool quickly. Have a better balance though which is good

@CassettesAreCool well sods law he responded, swapped numbers, chatting all day then drops bombshell that he never sees his children. Ex has moved abroad even though he does have finances etc to see them. From my experience men who don't see ever their kids and have awfully contentious relationships with exes (my ex too was like this with his ex) tend to be huge red flags. Ho hum, back to the drawing board!

Speaking of sexting, how do you go about shutting it down without putting them off? Got talking to a nice guy but he's veering towards it and we haven't met. Aside from the worries of no chemistry in person, I feel a bit like a wank sock and I've had one ghost after it and it hurt!

I downloaded a few more dating apps and been talking to a few people. Also texted Mr Doctor, with whom I was msging before Mrblock appeared. I told him that it hadn't worked out and he said he is seeing 2 people but it's not exclusive. We chatted for 45 mins on the phone, and it was really nice. He isn't looking for something more casual, while I would ideally want something more serious. But at least he has been honest and I am not against something casual, and maybe I need something less invested after the disappointment of Mr block. Plus means I can keep chatting to people and see what happens

Keepcalm I just say something in context, for example I’ve said “yes I like taking it slow and taking my time, but some things are best waited for”.

If they don’t get it simply assert your boundaries and say something like, sex is a huge part of a relationship for me, but we haven’t met yet .

If they don’t get it and back off it’s a good screener anyway!

Hello friends.

I haven’t been posting for awhile but I have been keeping up with you all.

Just as a refresher I was a young widow of suicide and haven’t dated since. Until the last 24 months I was an average to slim size but gained weight over the last 2 years due to depression (size6-8 to now 18).

The Barrister that handled a legal matter for me about 4 years ago and I ran into each other about 4 weeks ago. We have been seeing each other (no sex but some snogging). He told me that I’ve everything he ever wanted in a woman and can see us spending the rest of our lives together but that he wants the “total package” I was before because he isn’t really sexually attracted to “big girls”. He said he would like me to get down to around a size 12 (not unreasonable and not to my stick thin weight of before). He said it kindly, but it still cut like a knife. He says he wants me to be healthy as he knows I have a heart condition but sexy too to match my beautiful face.

Also, over the last year he’s been on a health kick because of high blood pressure and a heart scare and lost 60 lbs. he’s offered to go to the gym with me etc.

However I can’t help feeling it was really insensitive and shallow. I’m 50 he’s 57. We are both hyper educated and professionals but I am significantly more successful career wise and financially. He’s expressed that he wishes to be more successful and have the resources I do. Could his insecurities about that have caused him to bring my weight up?

Is he just being brutally honest or just a shallow dick?

I told him I’m on a diet (true) and we agreed to see each other exclusively for the next 12 weeks and then reassess.

I feel like a piece of meat that has 12 weeks to lose enough weight to be “sexy” to him at which time I’ll be inspected to see if I have “made the cut” or not.

I’ve been out of the dating scene so long I don’t know what’s normal.

Is this ok? Am I being over sensitive as I was on a diet anyway? Or should I just tell him to jog on?

@Gothamgirl1970 Tell him to come back when he has rock hard abs and a seven inch dick.

@Gothamgirl1970..As above run a mile..you deserve so.much better...No one has the right to say that.. it's like you saying he needs to get a degree in 3 years or he is stupid ...pleases valve yourself more ..it's abuse..

@Gothamgirl1970 as others have said run a mile. What an asshole. You'll meet someone who wants you as you are. If you want to loose weight do it for yourself and no one else.

gothamgirl I'm an absolute hypocrite I know but..... isn't everyone more attractive when they are looking after themselves? I'd hate to be pressurized into being slimmer but it's a win win. My iron isn't slim and I've told him it's an issue. We've known each other for a while tho. I've told him he needs to get in shape and he's agreed. If he doesn't, there is no future. Blunt, yes! I make no excuses that health is of the upmost important, especially when you hit your 50's. He either likes you or he doesn't. Be you.

Gotham no that’s not ok, join the thread and meet someone that wants you for all that you are.

All quiet tonight, nothing from any of my irons. Feeling a little down

Gotham, as a 50 year old overweight woman widowed by suicide - DTMFA (sorry, been reading Savage Love).

Ain't nobody got the TIME for that shit. Life is fucking short, and if he doesn't know that, we bloody do. Twelve weeks?? Fresh from adult friend finder i am here to infirm you you could have shagged 24 fresh young things in their 20s/dirty buggers in their 30s/panting sex starved divirces in their 40s by then. If he's not attracted to you, his bloody loss. The time for us is now, not in 12 weeks when you've passed some arbitrary test.

Well I've had such a lovely day.

Left the house at 7.45am and just got in. Almost 15,000 steps walked, my feet are killing but worth every one 😊

Yey Sunshine!! Lovely update.

Thanks everyone. He had me in tears tonight. Called me an irrational drama queen among other things so I’ve cut it off and blocked it. Xx

Jesus Gotham he’s a charmer!! Sorry he’s upset you, it’s HIM not YOU. Keep him blocked!

Just butting in to agree with others gotham - he is showing his true colours and you have absolutely done the right thing by blocking and deleting him...you are worth more x

I meant 33,000 steps/15 miles!

Right, date 2 for thursday. I probably need a better hobby

Nothing from Mr Uni today, guess he changed his mind.

Some nice little catch-up messages with Mr Viking between our busy schedules, though.

@TooOldForThis67 I'm torn on this. I think he sounds like a royal c-bomb. But at the same time, I understand the paradox you describe.

This guy had the choice of just saying nothing because he's not attracted to how someone is in the present, having been attracted prior. But he was honest, and clearly really likes the person on a personal level.

I wouldn't change me for anyone though, and just for myself, if I wanted to. I'd forget about this person, meet other people, and if it ever presented itself in the further, then maybe consider.

Still, I reckon he's more of a knob considering his delivery of how he feels. Good luck @gotham, be who you wanna be and f4 what anyone else think