Dating thread 169: You know that tingly feeling you get when you like someone? That's common sense leaving your body...

[JeSuisPrest]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you. 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread

Thread 169 open for business, roll up, roll up...

If you're tempted to chase the advice previously given on here is to remove them from your phone, that way you get the message if they get in touch but not phased by your message sat there unread.
I've done it once, my only regret was that he did come back and I don't have any of the original messages or pictures he sent!

@Originallymeonly I'm so tempted to just open with "would you like to send a dick pic" and see what happens
That made me laugh. The art of conversation has died on OLD.
Profiles that say 'ask me', so you ask something and they reply with one or two words.

@WhatWhyWhen it annoys me when someone reads a message but doesn't reply. Especially when you're trying to make arrangements to meet.
But I would just leave it for now. If you've heard nothing by tomorrow morning then maybe a follow up message.

I think it helps to think logically about no replies. What else could he be doing? I for example met a friend at 10am this morning and am now only on Mumsnet because I'm in a taxi on my way home. I might have taken 10 seconds to read a message while out with her but there's no way I'd have been rude enough to respond to a text and then send more texts making arrangements with someone. Maybe he's having a lovely day!

@Pinkdoor that is very true. But I guess it depends on whether there is a change in the pattern of texting.

Last time I was dating someone, he went from replying almost immediately to reading & replying hours later. Then reading & not replying for a day & claiming he'd forgotten to reply.
He dumped me a few weeks later because he'd met someone else.

Is an age difference of 10 years a problem? Him 41, me 51.
Chatting to someone on POF who actually seems intelligent and interesting. But the age gap worries me. Don't know why

@scotgal2017 that sounds a lot of change. My DS is introvert and would never speak to anyone without his games console.

@WhatWhyWhen I wouldn't chase a message. Is it a change in pattern? I'd delete his number and messages if I was massively over stressing. And turn blue ticks off generally.

Following @whatwhywhen with interest as an ex and I almost collided in the supermarket a couple of days ago, having not seen each other for 7 months. He had the grace to apologise and he's messaged since.... I've been brooding on why he dumped me and trying not to think about how attractive he is. I suspect he's playing games with me now and need to find the strength to delete and block again. I'd go running back, fool that I am.

Meanwhile I had a pleasant date on Friday but he was upfront from the outset that he has autism and a night of no eye contact - though not his fault - together with barely a pause for breath, was like being with DS!

Ex seems all the more attractive when the alternatives are so few and far between. I'm happy single - I really am - until the potential of a relationship gets dangled tantalisingly and then I get sad and lonely.... How pathetic

@notcoolmum, yes it's going to be intense which will hopefully mean OLD will take the backburner, before when we were all settled and in routines, it felt like OLD took over my life a little bit, so it won't be a bad thing. Ds's happiness and wellbeing is obviously more important than anything else. Joined POF and Mr. Italy (few threads back, unreliable, hot mess lol) has popped up and he has said he wants to "mee me". FFS lol.

@scotgal2017 it's hard to remember all the irons. But wasn't Mr Italy a bit of a dick to you. Would you want to go back there?

@notcoolmum I'd be mightily impressed if you remebered any of anybody else's irons, these datings threads move so fast lol. Yes, Mr. Italy said he was looking for a relationship but we always met at his flat, it always ended in sex, he was so unreliable for communication. I told him where to go, accidentally matched on Tinder 2 months later, he messaged me, I said a FWB arrangement would suit me, went okay for a coupke of meet ups and then he turned shit again with the communication so i told him where to go again lol. All the guys I've met on OLD so far have all been a bit of a dick to me to be fair to him but don't want to go back there, have upped my value and worth - although with current situation an FWB arrangement would work (no, don't poke the bear Scotgal lol).

@scotgal2017 I was new to the thread and was about to call my iron Mr Italy so I remembered a bit! Don't poke that particular bear!!

@EchoElephant waiting with interest to see what other people think about age differences as I have had a lot of messages from much younger men but not responded to them as wondering if they just have a thing for cougars, which I am not. 10 years isn't a huge gap though is it? Do you think men would find it an obstacle if a woman was 10 years younger?

Am moving at a snail's pace with OLD. Mr Successful got back in touch and I agreed I'd meet him again at some point to 'see how it goes' but feel quite noncommital. He apologised for bragging about 35 year old ex GF but said I had asked about his exes. I am pretty sure I didn't tbh, but have marked his card on that one!

Also, Mr Sensible reappeared unprompted, said he had been busy at work (or with another iron probably, but that's none of my business) but then did phone me and ask me out next week. I did like him on the phone, he's easy to chat to and a sexy voice. Both on hold at the moment though as DS home next week and he is my priority.

Mr Three got back in touch again after not phoning me when arranged - I responded but very perfunctorily and have not heard from him at all today which is the longest he has ever gone without contact with me in 3 weeks... Am still wondering a) why the prospect of a phone chat with me is so terrifying and b) whether to just delete him or (because I am quite polite) to send a message saying I am calling time on him because he obviously isn't interested in anything more than text chat - but that is pointless isn't it? He has possibly already called time on me. I am just so new to this that it seems utterly pathetic to me that a man in his late 40s would behave like this, especially as he seemed so genuinely lovely from his messages. Delete, though, right?

Got a ton more messages from my brief 24-hour reactivation of my profile and working through them. 80% not for me, a few attractive but obvious players, a couple seemed nice enough and I replied, but my heart isn't in it. Am finding this wearying tbh, you must all be super-sexy and have better filters!

The ex's are all coming out now. Oh my days!!! Never fails does it.

@Originallymeonly yes, totally agree. Weed them out at the start 😂 although with bumble they’re frosted over until you tap so you can just delete without looking.

Nice chat and outdoor walk with Mr Hong Kong. Erm, good kisser. Woah.

There seems to be a huge EX-plosion. I'm
Blaming the new moon.

Haha I’ll join Notcool not only did MrCNHF swipe my Beeline I just got a “how are you” message from a Canadian I swiped in New York in April. We spoke for maybe 2 days online? I mean in terms of the realms of never going to happen that’s got to be right up there?? Just WHY? 😂

Puta only follow me for tips on how not to OLD!!

Although I’m getting better, I only let the intense crazy out to you guys now not the Irons. I did in fact delete from my phone and got a message as soon as I did. Pink you are right in a a way, he’s just busy and I can’t know his life.

But the pattern has changed which alerts spider senses. However do you know what I’m not going to do the crazy, if he doesn’t want me/meets someone else, then ok. I can’t change that by tracking messages it’s nuts. And that’s ok, I’m ok with it.

I used to be very relaxed, post attack I get this insane “threat” reaction to simple things and it irritates me after I’ve done it.

I’m getting better at controlling it but can’t wait until I’m fixed. Although my psychologist says I can’t just say fix it already! She’s not a mechanic. FFS why am I even paying her

More Yey! He sounds really positive!

Echo I don’t see an issue with age gap for fun dating. But would be wary if I wanted a future because it’s so unlikely to be a life stage fit. It can happen but few and far between surely?

Not ex's, but the 2 irons that said no to a date because they were too busy, both reappeared today. Neither suggested meeting so I've no idea what they wanted.

Ndotto I get a lot of messages from younger men who like the idea of an older woman. I have met a couple in the past for a bit of fun but tbh they were disappointing.

WhatWhyWhen I don't think he wants 'fun dating'. He seems to be looking for a relationship. Doesn't have kids and doesn't want any now.
So far he answers messages quite quickly, can string more than 2 words together and hasn't mentioned his dick. Big improvement on the usual dross I get on POF.

I'll see where it goes but I agree that life stage fit is probably going to be a problem.

Hi... I'm new to OLD and have been chatting to someone and we've agreed that we'd like to meet. I have a couple of questions and I'm hoping you lovelies will be able to guide me?

I've never dated, ever. So I'm really nervous of it. I'm worried the conversation will be awkward, does it tend to flow better when you meet? I find it hard sometimes texting because you can't read their reactions and body language?

What's the list of must do's before I go? Should I have video called with him first or something? I feel so nervous of doing that but am thinking it's something I should do?

We'll meet in a middle town as we're quite apart so obvs I'll make sure someone knows where I am.

Appreciate any advice / guidance you can offer xx

arrgghh, you are right about exes, guy on POF messaged me, been chatting and he says we met last year.....the cogs turned and it's a guy I blocked on apps as he was pushy (he wanted me to drive in snow for arranged date because the snow wasn't bad his end , honestly couldn't be bothered with his pushiness. I've just blocked him on POF now as well. That moon has a lot to answer for!

Swimming have some vague ideas about topics that you may find mutually interesting but to be honest it generally just flows if you are interested in their lives. If it really doesn’t then it isn’t a good match anyway!

I generally try and get a phone call in first just because it’s a lot to create time and travel for someone who you just can’t speak to. It isn’t a must though. Video call I sometimes do but it really is not for everyone!!

Just beat in mind ^ the rules, make sure you are in a neutral safe place and have fun!

Haha @WhatWhyWhen I want to know what's going on. Recently I had a WA from a man I met (in real life) 18 months ago. And Mr S WA and has now asked to meet. 4 months after dumping me. And 2 months after we last broke NC. I'm starting to wonder who else might pop up!! 😂🙈

Echo he sounds worth a shot, they do exist, one of my best Male friends is only 33 but he is absolutely the most mature and settled man I know, he’s funny and lovely and he knows already that he doesn’t want children of his own, but is a great uncle and godfather to a big family so would be happy to have them in his life. Now he would be better with an older woman rather than someone his own age as women his age are on the clock for babies, not always as set on a life course as him and his dating is failing due to it.

I think we need a “fuck off pointless ex’s” meme that we can just auto send this week 😂😂