Dating thread 169: You know that tingly feeling you get when you like someone? That's common sense leaving your body...

[JeSuisPrest]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you. 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread

Thread 169 open for business, roll up, roll up...

SBD it sounds lovely and gives us hope. Who knows what happens long term but enjoy the wonderful now.

I just wish I’d get through my frog quota!

@SBD1 great update! Me too @WhatWhyWhen kissed enough bloody 🐸🐸🐸

@StarryUnicorn thank you. What you said makes a lot of sense. I do make superficial excuses when really it’s more a lack of confidence and believing no one would want me.
I’ve booked a trip to the theatre for me and DC for my 40th. A couple of years ago I attended a friends 40th in her massive house with her husband and her DC and lots of her friends and it was hard not to make comparisons to what my 40th would be.

I recently found out my ex got married 5 years ago, it also made me think i’ve spent 5 years lonely whilst everyone else is happily getting on with their life etc.

I’ve now joined Bumble and going to try to prioritise it. I haven’t messaged anyone yet. Is there any other apps recommended that i’ve missed?

I told him yesterday that I was allergic to spermicide so his condoms had been what sent me to hospital with a led eh infection and he was really apologetic and said “why didn’t you say” to which my response was, I’d rather not have unprotected sex with someone new the first couple of times. It was worth it. I’m being religious about taking the mini pill at the same time everyday and now I just need to go to my coil fitting appointment in October

@SBD1 don't you have your own condoms if you have an allergy? So was your kidney infection an allergic reaction after all. Sounds like quite a weekend.

@Notcoolmumnah most have spermcide. Been with the same person for 8 years so this is the first time I’ve Had one since 2010. I don’t think it would have been so bad if he hadn’t been so big AND if I’d gone for a wee. Spermicide and me are not friends

As a doctor I'm quite thrown by the quickness of your kidney infection. That's also caused by an allergic reaction. I would maybe suggest asking for more tests @SBD1

@StarryUnicorn great advice there. I need to find out what is holding me back too. I've had 8 online dates in 1 year and no one I'd be interested in progressing with. My alcoholic ex met someone within weeks of us splitting and have just moved in together plus introducing her to the kids. I find myself so frustrated at the lack of progression in my dating life when I compare myself to my ex. I feel there has to be something in me that's stopping me meeting someone nice. I'm thinking whether to take another step back from dating altogether as proving fruitless.

@SBD1 it looks like skyn and glyde are spermicide free. Might be worth stocking up.
Although you are probably not in the mood for sex with a painful kidney infection 💐

@Eesha I hear you, my ex and I split up 18 months ago, he has now been with the first person he was fixed up with by his vile sister for a year now, despite him not being a great catch! I have not been approached by anyone, hence reluctant foray into OLD and tonight I just deleted my account as my experiences so far haven’t been encouraging - I have a couple of irons left on WhatsApp but I’m not overly excited about any of it - I also think it’s something in me, but trying to work out what ...

@Eesha It's just a tough environment to meet people in if.you're reserved and perhaps a little introverted and have anxiety surrounding attachment. When you meet someone interesting it's great but the whole process is undermined by the thought that options are being explored in the background, even if they aren't.

So I am sorry but I feel very numb to it all at the moment and have apologised and turned down that offer of a drink. It wouldn't be fair and I can't take it anywhere at the moment especially with @onlymebutdifferent to contend with Her time is better spent on someone else.

Apologies too if I seem down - I'm not, and don't want to bring the threads hopes down. I had a great time rolling down hills with my son.yesterday, getting dizzy and busting a gut with laughter. I saw a heron take flight on my run this morning and then was accompanied for a few miles by an 86 year old man on a bike who told me about his 40 year old wife and his fastest time for a mile.

Life is good and strange and full of joy and weirdness, but dating is done for me until the prospect of it feels exciting again. I'm still just too raw and I'm going to go with my original plan of getting my head down on a mini-mission or two and shutting down my heart for repairs in the meantime.

Aww @HairyArsedMan you sound so down for such a fresh faced thing! In all seriousness though when the fun stops, stop! I think we all need reminding of this! When you're ready we'll be here waiting to hear of your exploits HAM x

Thanks @onlymebutdifferent I’m not down with life, just been trying now with lots of dates over nearly three years, and after recent events it’s better for me to step away and not get into any fallback girl situations.

Feckin jetlag means I'm awake and got to get up for work in 5 hours, 😂. Just seen recent guy who ghosted me after 3 months on POF. I'm losing the will to live and I haven't even been back on it 24 hours yet lol. Is it acceptable to write on your profile; Hobbies - I enjoy wasting my time on OLD apps seeing exes pretending they aren't dicks, attracting emotionally unavailable menchildren and dodging obvious psychopaths or those who like to put up photos of themselves holding a fish....

Can I add:

Extra points for men with photos 10+ years old, who are lying about being single (separated doesn't count when your wife doesn't know), use text speak, use lol at the end of each sentence and think an unsolicited cock pic with your pants at your knees even before we've met is exactly what I want to wake up to in the morning.

I always wonder about this pants at the knees thing. Isn't it more comfortable to have your legs free?

Can't sleep so thought I'd catch up here! SBD great update, "we're a thing" is sweet! lifegoes 'I forgot you existed' is still making me laugh two pages later! Hairy hope all is well, you do sound down but reflective too, it's a shame you don't feel up to the drink but good for you for not messing her about, if only more would take a leaf out of your book..scotgal and ginmel maybe there's a market for your proposed dating profiles 😂
I had my first ever date on Friday and although I was nervous, I had a great time and lots of kissing, there was a good spark! He's keen and we're seeing each other again soon. We've agreed not to see anyone else while we see how it goes which is fine by me as multi-dating didn't quite sit right with me.

Hope you'll stick around @hairyarsedman. You've always been a quietly positive and steady voice here. It feels like you've been knocked badly and a rest from OLD might do you good.

@Eesha @Ndotto what is it with exes moving on in nanoseconds to gratefully adoring women with presumably very low standards while here we still are sifting through psychos and saddos for a glimmer of sanity? It's the lovely men on this thread that keep hope alive that there are a few good ones still out there!

@lifegoes used to happen a lot when I was younger, goes straight up to my kidneys within days. Lovely ecoli

I’ll check out skyn and glide thanks @Notcoolmum. I’m happy staying condom free with Mr Cactus but there are always times you should use them

@HairyArsedMan you sound like a genuinely lovely bloke who is very in tune with his emotions. Would you mind if I DMs you a question?

@Ndotto @putastrawunderbaby @HairyArsedMan Thanks for your advice, I guess I don't begrudge my ex but when I see him blind drunk and her hanging off him besotted, I do feel like if they're happy in that ridiculous situation, when is it going to be my turn when I'm far more together than he is. I think a step back again might suit, this is just affecting my confidence negatively and I really don't need that.

I understand @Eesha my alcoholic ex met someone a few months after we broke up. She is very, very welcome to him. But I do wonder how he's managed to find a relationship again and I've lurched from one disaster to another. I'd love to have a real life partner.

@Ginmel I think pants around the knees is an indication of how much time and effort they have put into it. Gross.

I just don't get the logistics of it either @notcoolmum. I have wondered if it's a quick wank type scenario esp away from the wife.

Sorry to hear you aren't feeling it @HairyArsedMan tbh with you, it's really helped me taking time out from it. Mainly because it was getting me down. Sick of the disappointment from dating, sick of starting again with pointless chit chat. Sick of comparing people to previous men I did like etc. I do feel much better now I'm having that time out.

@SBD1 in that case you should be demanding a scan on your kidneys. You shouldn't be having so many infections and it's concerning that you are being given antibiotics so easily. I wouldn't stop using them either. Until you are sure there's no underlying problem there.
@KeepCalmCarryOhFuckIt Your date sounds really positive. I love it when a nervous date turns great. Keep us updated.