Dating thread 169: You know that tingly feeling you get when you like someone? That's common sense leaving your body...

[JeSuisPrest]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you. 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread

Thread 169 open for business, roll up, roll up...

@KeepCalmCarryOhFuckIt excellent first date! What a relief that must have been.

*@HairyArsedMan * I take regular breaks from OLD - there are only so many dead end chats you can have - I do always come back with renewed optimism thought - god know why.

On the subject of age - a 33 year old messaged me this morning asking if I liked younger men - don't mind a few years but not younger than both my children!

Feeling a bit bummed out at the minute.... Mr Posh backed out of meeting, saying he wasn't ready to start dating and has taken himself off OLD.
I heard from Mr Elusive, who admitted that he had wanted something to happen but (genuine reason) doesn't have the time to commit to any relationships right now, wants to keep in touch though. Not sure how to read that, I did really like him...Do I bother or not?
I feel like I want to give up on OLD for now and get my head together again.

Sorry ticket both sound like Mr Unavailable.

MrElusive, well that’s up to you, I wouldn’t hold out any hope of anything happening to be honest, it’s really unlikely to. I have been known to keep irons around to just chat too because (as long as both are aware real life isn’t happening) it can be a good distraction from jumping back on the apps when you need a break.

But it has to be done with clarity that it’s a chat and there is no likely future there.

@scotgal2017 FS. That is depressing. Imagine being the kind of person that ghosts after 3 months and then goes straight to OLD. There's no cure for that kind of fuckwittery. Lifetime disease

@WhatWhyWhen I know you're right, if he had really wanted to see me then I'm sure he would have by now... I just kind of thought maybe he's the type that if he can't dedicate much time then he wouldn't bother.
I do like to chat with him I guess, but I don't want it to go on and on

Lots to catch up on - spent the weekend with MrC and mini Jesuis. BeachLady phoned him and asked if he wanted to go to the beach yesterday - "nope, sorry JeSuis and mini are here, we're off out for the day" - I did an inward fist bump, I'm so childish, but that woman grips my shit

@SBD1 Please don't stop using condoms - just use ones that you aren't allergic to. You really don't know MrCactus that well and you should both get STI tested (and see the results!) before you stop using condoms - please read back through the previous OLD threads - STI's aren't just for feckless teenagers and twenty somethings. A lady who contracted HIV in her 40's after OLD wrote a heartwrenching post on here about how she was infected after dating someone for a few months, not getting tested and then not using condoms. It can really happen to anyone.

@HairyArsedMan Glad to hear you're still with us, cheering on from the sidelines, if not actively participating in the game. We all know you're a great guy and some lucky lady will fall on her feet with you one day.

@onlymebutdifferent I missed the pic!!!

@scotgal2017 Sorry to hear your ex is being an arse. Dealing with real life shit and OLD is a nightmare. You're trying to present your "best self" to someone, whilst spinning so many plates you don't know which day of the week it is.

@AtSea1979 Comparison is the thief of joy. Don't judge the inside of your life by the outside of someone elses . Other people aren't living the dream, whatever their FB & IG stories would have you believe. I don't post anything on SM. I use it for research stalking purposes only and my life is infinitely better for not having it. Bumble is OK, but if you're playing the numbers game Plenty of Fish and Tinder are the way to go, if you're happy to do some serious sifting.

@lifegoes Laughing at your exes coming out of the woodwork and not being as entertaining as your plain yoghurt

@Notcoolmum MrS contacted you again? How did you respond ?

@Sunshineandflipflops Hope your feet are recovered and things still going well with MrAd - is your next date tomorrow?

@Savoretti Where are you at with MrTri?

@shitwithsugaron Glad things are back on track with MrB - nothing beats actually sorting things out face to face and having a massive hug.

@WhatWhyWhen I wouldn't chase messages. If a man is interested in you he will most definitely try and get you "off the market", however unPC that sounds. He will message you, arrange dates, stay in contact, basically won't want you to forget he's there in case you're thinking about another (better?) offer. My STBXH is doing this at the moment, and annoying the shit out of me.

@Ndotto Have you met MrThree yet? If not, 3 weeks of messaging and not meeting has huge potential to leave you disappointed when you actually meet if there's no spark. We've all done it - and regretted it

@Ginmel Yeah, sorry to say - I have been guilty of the ol' sexting before meeting - only with people i either probably can't meet (passers through). Or i'm just frustrated and think 'sod it' haha

Nothing to be sorry about @supercali77 sod it is a perfectly acceptable excuse!

My first post didn't go through and I wrote the second in a hurry with a key missing word. First one said I don't sext before meeting anymore. 😅

I'm meeting Mr 'Just wants to be friends' this evening for a drink. His suggestion. He said he'd really like to see me and catch up.

I haven't seen him since we had a weekend away together as friends. Which was great but made me realise that I want more than friends from him.

So I'm in too minds about what to do.
a) stay as friends and just see what happens. But if he finds someone then he'll probably drop me as a friend to concentrate on his new relationship
b) tell him I can't be friends because I actually want to be in a relationship with him. Then I'll probably lose him as a friend and any hope it might develop into more.

I'm struggling to find anyone that I connect with as well as I do with him. Honestly, if anyone saw us together they'd think we'd been a couple for years and years.
But he insists we are just friends.

Hey @JeSuisPrest. Glad things are good between you and Mr C still and yay to him turning Beach Lady down!

I am seeing Mr Ad on friday, which will have been almost 2 weeks but a combination of his work schedule and my childcare means we just haven't been able to see each other in between.

I am meeting some of his friends on friday evening then staying at his and he is meeting some of my friends on saturday and staying at mine. I've never introduced another man to my friends so yeah...he's pretty great

I need to share something to make sure I’m not overreacting. Matched up with someone on Tinder on Saturday. Exchanged a few messages, then went to WhatsApp and had a phone call. All really good, decided to meet tomorrow. His messages then became a bit flirty, verging on sexting but I batted them back with good humour - I’m not going to do that with someone I haven’t met. Spoke again, all good. He then text me asking me really intimate questions. I told him I was uncomfortable with his questions and he went completely mad, saying stuff like ‘well if you don’t want to meet then fine’ ‘don’t worry about blocking me I’m deleting your number’ ‘I’m a great guy and you’ll never know now’ etc.
He then starts messaging me again a few hours later as if nothing happened and saying I got the wrong end of the stick and that I shouldn’t have boundaries with him. He’s messaged again this morning asking if I’d calmed down now.... I was going to send a long reply to him but I just don’t think he’ll get it. I’m going to block someone for the first time...

@echo isn't that the guy that was hugging you etc?

Just block him @Nowthefunbegins he sounds unhinged!

@Nowthefunbegins Block away! Sounds like a Head Fucker. He overstepped your boundaries, was put back in place nicely, ignores the fact that there was an issue, says you've misunderstood and asked if you've calmed down? Cheeky fucker, any explanation as to why you're not going to be meeting him will be wasted - he'll accuse you of being:-

(a) A lesbian
(b) A cock teaser
(c) Frigid
(d) All of the above

• delete as appropriate...

Fuuuuuuuck, thanks for all the recommendations of the Brene Brown book. It arrived yesterday and I've just sent Mr A an open honest and revealing message, which I would NEVER have normally done. But I've got the back up of a few other irons in the fire, so nothing to lose really. And on the upside have cleared the air or got all my feelings out anyway.
I feel a bit exposed, but I've been true to myself and I'm trying to break down some of my walls that I'd normally hide behind.

Anyway- please wish me luck with it, and I'll post more later

Hairy very thoughtfully put - I hope some time out from it all helps.

JeSuis I bet that felt great!

Sunshine

I have an ex FWB who pops up every month or so ... so does Mr BC. Considering how we met it's to be expected. And he's awesome so I don't blame her for trying! I completely trust him though.

Mr BC and I are making our Christmas plans - I had such a sad Christmas last year, on my own, so this year will be lovely.

Now you shouldn’t have boundaries with him?

Fuck
That
Shit

Learnt the hard way not to accept any pushing of boundaries, not overreacting block and breath a sigh of relief!

Holy hell, @Nowthefunbegins, block block block!

nowthe oh definitely block, life is way to short for that sort of malarkey!

Eyebrows wishing you luck.

@JeSuisPrest those reasons made me laugh - that is completely what I would imagine him saying. Going to block now

@eyebrowsofinstagram Good luck- the thing about vulnerability is - knowing that even if it crashes and there are tricky emotions, you can handle them. It's also about knowing the right person to do it with, a leap of faith without jumping into any fires

@Nowthefunbegins Yeah 'you don't need boundaries' is a red alert that you absolutely do. Welcome to blocksville you moron

@Ginmel Haha 'sod it' is virtually my catchphrase these days. I'll probably have to give up at some point but until an appropriately available man is in my life, this is how we roll

@Ginmel yes that's him. Spent our weekend together with him hugging me, kissing me on the cheek, holding my hand.
But just wants to be friends.
I'm so confused about what to do about him

@Nowthefunbegins block!! What an idiot!