Dating thread 169: You know that tingly feeling you get when you like someone? That's common sense leaving your body...

[JeSuisPrest]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you. 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread

Thread 169 open for business, roll up, roll up...

SDB I’ve lost around 5 stone and have the wrinkly tummy thing going on (plus the mum tum overhang which is going nowhere despite being 11st now argh!). I wear either beautiful bodies with a thong bit that can be shifted to the side or I have this kind of thing, a long line suspender / waspie set that covers everything but looks great (it’s expensive! But there are cheaper versions if you google) which you just wear with no knickers and keep on. MrConfusing seemed to appreciate it

Eyebrows just send an honest text saying you are just out of a long marriage so a bit nervous but there is a whole lot of passion waiting to be explored once you are past the nerves, and does he want to go for date three and see where it goes because you really wanted to kiss him.

@whatwhywhen thank you

@WhatWhyWhen that's basically the kind of sets I get too. Bodies or high waist suspenders (c section here too). A blessing for the old body confidence

eyebrows I agree with whatwhywhen send a text explaining a little. If its hesitation on his part based on yours it gives him a green light to take the reins with the kissing etc

Supercali I’d love to do a poll to see how many women have the c section/lost weight/mum tum issues do I could get this unrealistic view of what everyone else looks like out of clothes from my head.

And from men to see if they expect flat tummies and no wrinkles! It holds me back so much!

I look great in clothes, facially very pretty (sound up my own bum here but...) but then clothes come off and it all goes horribly wrong 😂

Thank you for your kind words

@whatwhywhen that's beautiful

No expectations from us middle aged men @WhatWhyWhen. I think @JeSuisPrest covered this off earlier in the thread when she said we’re simply happy to be there when the clothes come off ! We are not without our worries about such moments either.

Wrinkles are great ! I’ve got to say that having probably gained a few more recently I like them, especially where they form round the eyes and a smile.

I have the c section and overhang (2 sections) and wrinkly tummy. Plus my boobs are getting crepey. And I'm heavier than I would like. None of the men I've slept with have had any issues so whilst I'm usually a bit nervous first time the clothes come off, their reaction has always makes me feel OK. And none of them have been Greek gods tbf. They have all wanted to see me again. (There aren't that many!!)

I had 2 irons. I asked them both for a date and suggested some times. Both said they were busy on the days I suggested but didn't give me an alternative time.

So now I'm back to zero irons. I've a run of some good dates recently but looks like my luck has run out.

Meanwhile Mr 4dates/Just wants to be friends, has asked if I'm free to meet for a drink next week. Says he'd really like to see me and catch up. Of course I said yes, because I like him. But I wish I knew why he only sees me as a friend.

Apologies, that was a bit of brain dump because I'm fed up today with OLD and men

@WhatWhyWhen I'm exactly the same. Although I do have a really bad issue with my body. Mainly due to an abusive ex who would constantly grab any fat on my body and tell me I was vile. Ended up with an eating disorder - Even therapy hasn't helped at all.

I get told I'm pretty all the time, I look great in clothes. But I hate getting naked in front of men. The amount of anxiety I have and all because my body isn't great. I have a flabby Tummy and cellulite. Yet I'm 10 stone and 5ft 7.

If it all ends with a guy I instantly assume it's because he doesn't like my body. It's an awful feeling. I have to try and Remember all the guys I have had relationships with or slept with. They've all wanted to do it again, they've never complained or ran a mile. Although I don't think I've had many say you have an amazing body. But I can't let myself dwell on the negative

Feeling I used to message first a lot - I never bothered with likes or any of that sort of thing. If the guy had something in his profile, I'd make a chatty, friendly comment. That's my personality though, I'm chatty and friendly in real life (despite being an introvert)! Sometimes it'd be ignored, sometimes we'd start chatting. I do recommend Tinder and Bumble.

SDB definitely buy some lovely underwear - not because you need to cover up, but because it will make you feel sexy and confident. And confidence is sexy! I'm in my mid 50s and have had two children - I don't look like I'm 18 anymore! But at some point post-divorce I just thought fuck it, I'm going to have some fun! I love that Mary Oliver poem - 'tell me, what is it you're going to do with your one wild and precious life'. Life is short, try not to get your own way!

TooOld I hope you're okay

Ant have I missed an update? Did your date go well ....

@WhatWhyWhen it's the crepey tummy with no firmness that annoys me the most. On top I'm conscious of it. Hence underwear. I cant imagine there are many mums in their mid-late 30s onwards that dont have this tbh.

So in lieu of messaging the wrong sorts. I've gone on fab. Deluge. BUT saw someone on there I'd chatted to on tinder a bit. Handsome, respectful. So we talked on the phone this afternoon, what I love about it is the straightforwardness. Because right now I feel like I just want some uncomplicated fun

That is the bit I like fab - the upfrontness @supercali77

Get your filters on ASAP to control the deluge. If I were you I'd also hide my profile for the next 7 days while fab tags you as new and just respond to the men that interest you. In any event, have fun!

Sounds like a good plan @supercali77 I went on it once and got so many messages I just freaked and logged out!! I don't really understand how it works. It sounds like it might be perfect for you right now. And how refreshing to be up front about things. Too much game playing out there.

Whats FAB?

Also need some MrEP advice. I’m not used to a man that just doesn’t message. We’ve been on 3 dates and he’s said he wants to again when he’s free, maybe next week before I go away for 10 days but he’s super busy at work (specific type of job that I understand that runs 6am to 10pm days in silly season). I’ve given him an “out” to check he means it and he does.

But we probably exchange maybe 2 bland messages a day at the moment, sometimes have a short text exchange about work but that’s it.

And when we have seen each other it’s cup of tea, chat, kiss etc...

I am used to intense texting and lots of time together (then a crash!).

Is this more how a “normal” relationship builds or am I a stopgap until the one? I am trying to enjoy the time I now have with very little messaging but am getting itchy fingers to Bumble and move on (currently talking to ex HF to distract me but he was an arse yesterday so sod him!).

Do I ask when we see each other if we will step it up a bit when less busy? I’m ok with the slow build and don’t have a lot of time, but do want nights out /weekends away and to share a little more of ourselves in a relationship eventually. Not that this is one yet it’s only 4 dates but I know it’s not going to be enough for me after a while.

Fabswingers @WhatWhyWhen

It sounds like this will always be Mr EPs communication style so I suppose it's whether you could deal with this in a longer relationship. Is it good when you see each other in person.

Personally I'm pulling back from texting. And certainly expressing feelings over text. I over invest and share things on text I would be more reserved about irl.

Sounds a good approach @notcoolmum

@Ginmel thanks for the tips! The interface is very confusing in terms of how to stop the messages but I'll go hunting for it now.

Hello! Long time Mumsnet lurker but name changed to join you lovelies. I ended a 10 year marriage nearly 18 months ago and began my dating career in May. Huge naivety and over investment saw me get hurt pretty early on so I took a couple of months off to spend more time with my therapist. Now two weeks back on Hinge. I have two irons-MrActor and MrOxford. Very attracted to MrActor’s online self but already seems to be pulling away after being very in to it at the beginning. MrOxford is lovely but very young. Hoping to meet this week.

Notcool it’s nice when we are together, we get on well and have a spark which is enough for a few dates in.

I think I’d be ok with the lack of texting if I knew he was into me or not. Guess I use it as a guide! He’s said he wants to see me. Last time he said that he did. But because of no text/no response when he’s been online I guess I get that feeling of is he in or out!

Suppose I just need to take it at face value but it’s so unusual. If I was secure in the knowledge he liked me and we’d see each other again I’d be ok with it!

@CassettesAreCool Thanks, I needed that

@supercali77 you are welcome. It's all in Account. It's also only £20 for a silver membership which allows you to see who has visited your profile. Lastly change your privacy settings so your profile isn't searchable or can be viewed by outside members