Dating thread 169: You know that tingly feeling you get when you like someone? That's common sense leaving your body...

[JeSuisPrest]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you. 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread

Thread 169 open for business, roll up, roll up...

Me again.

Saw that Blocking Cunt had reactivated his online profile last night and was back online. I sent him a message asking if he was back to waste someone else's time, and then I'd had a lucky escape really what with me being a catch and him being a big compromise. Blocked him immediately so no idea if he saw it.

What a CUNT. Can't believe I'm still angry about it.

Anyway, another date lined up for tomorrow. If it happens!

Hm @SBD1. Don't less thus guy dick you about. Not sure I like the cut of his jib.
Nice that he made you feel good but do remember, as Kathy Burke said in her recent brilliant series, men will fuck a ham sandwich. Feel good about yourself because you know your worth - not cause some guy wants to fuck you, nice as it is. I really don't think (decent) men care nearly as much as us about our bodies.

@Feelingfree I came on this thread originally saying much the same, as I was getting absolutely nothing from a dating site (guardian soulmates) I kid you not I'd been on for 4 years and had under 10 likes and one half hearted conversation.

I got recommended to join Tinder, and it gave me such a boost. My likes and matches are off the scale.

It definitely has its pros and cons, but it was a great way to kickstart getting out there for me.

shitwithsugaron advice taken. You are right! I’m trying just to enjoy having a bit of fun but it’s hard as I do really like him. He has been very good - not pressuring to meet up when we were whatsapping, asking if I was sure when I did ask if he wanted to go for a coffee as ‘whatever will be will be’. It’s all very complicated as ex desperately wants me back, I’ve had to tell him I am dating otherwise (ironically) it feels like I am cheating. I know it’s all too soon but I feel like I need to take this opportunity to have a bit of fun and see what comes of it (whilst protecting my heart!).

Thanks for the recommendation of Brene Brown @supercali77, I've heard of her stuff but never read it.

Yes it was probably a mix of seeing how I really felt about him versus being way too nervous for anything. He'd said after the first date he wished we'd kissed. And at the beginning of the second date there were a few lovely opportunities where we were sitting really close and leaning into each other, and I could have just leaned a bit more forward and it would have happened, but I backed off instead.

I wish I'd leaned in though, as I really need some physical affection!

I'm ok if we don't see each other again but having had a quick swipe it does take a bit of work to find someone you like.

@LadyDowagerHatt that sounds positive- am also jealous! Will definitely help you get over cheating ex!

feelingfree sorry to hear you were put through ringer too 🤗 I waited 18 months to start old partly to make sure I was ready and partly because my confidence was shot (having seen what my ex husband left me for 🤦‍♀️) so I get how you're feeling. I dont know about the app you're using and winks etc as never used but would recommend bumble and tinder. I'll happily message first and if nothing comes of it so what - they're just faces on the internet 🤷‍♀️ I'm just coming up to a year of doing this and have had many dates and it's generally been a fun experience although sometimes a bit monotomous but I'm glad I did it as it's made me braver and more confident

@Pinkdoor I know I talk alot about sex but its because its been an issue for me for a long time, and to be able to enjoy it for the first time and 30 is a big deal for me.

But thats not all we do haha.

We spent a good portion of the evening watching TV and eating food from the same plate and stuff and we do talk about things. Also have a thing about playing Mario Kart together. Its only been 5 weeks so we haven't got to know each other properly. We've only had sex hmmm over two days, and a lot of that time is spent cuddling in bed without doing anything.

Ok @sbd1 as long as you're alright with the Tinder chat.

@Neverexpected2 and @eyebrowsofinstagram, thanks for replying.

My friend has recommended tinder but as yet I’ve not been brave enough. She has had quite a few dates but then she is very attractive. She’s also had her fair share of strange ones and certain pictures 😳

It’s all down to confidence. I am a confident person normally but not when it comes to dating. I haven’t done this for 30 years. I’ll keep that quote “just faces on the internet” in mind, thanks

@Pinkdoor yeah because he was saying he hadn’t been looking for anything and whatever came his way as long as he enjoyed their company he was fine. I mean we’d still hang out if we weren’t having sex so 🤷‍♀️

*23:05Pinkdoor

Hi everyone. Can I join? Just started OLD after ending a relationship.

Been chatting to someone for a couple of weeks and met on Saturday. He was keen to meet up again so agreed on this Friday. He's seemed keen and has stayed in touch - lovely messages, telling me lots about himself. Then BAM. Blocked me on whatsapp completely out of the blue today!

What's that about?!?!!?!!! I can't do all of this bollocks again, it's exhausting.*

Pinkdoor I think you've realised now that you massively overinvested in this guy which is a mistake a lot of us make at the beginning. You do sound really angry about it still which isn't good for you. Do you think you are ready to date again?

Welcome to the new people too!

Damn lost part of my post pinkdoor

Texting him from your work phone (risky?) and then again when he was back online is enough. You are right it's shitty behaviour but unfortunately there are jerks out there and sadly it probably won't be the last bit of bad behaviour you come across. Definitely wouldn't message him again - you are just showing him you cared a lot. He doesn't deserve that. (and you'll begin to look a bit unhinged...)

@ginmel I guess I'm lucky I haven't experienced it before! Yeah I'm fine. 🙂 I was really angry. I think you should call a twat a twat.... Onwards and upwards!

In an attempt to not get too attached too soon, I went swiping last night and got chatting with a new iron. He seems interesting and fun. I'll try to meet him next weekend, too busy until then.

So looking forward to drinks tonight though. One man at a time.

Have cancelled my date with Mr Young next week. There's too much going on in my life so pausing dating for a bit. Annoying because I really want to date but it's just not the right time. Not leaving here though

So he's at the bar so quick update - bloody hell he's gorgeous! Better than pics!

@SBD1 I'm baffled. How did he get into your house??

Door was unlocked, I only napped for about 15 minutes and the dogs were sat by the front door waiting for him, he locked it when he got in. I don’t usually leave the door unlocked but I can hear if anyone was to come in because the door needs a good shove

Just catching up. Glad you aren't leaving here @Ginmel I love your posts.

@Pinkdoor I agree with previous posters, he's an absolute dick, but you do get them unfortunately. Def don't message him again as it shows you care too much. You need to always give the perception you don't.

@SBD1 glad things are going well, he does seem to be coming good. Although I'm concerned about how he got in your house and was on your bed when you woke up ?? 😂
Also Maybe buy some nice underwear from Ann Summers. Like a body of basque. You can get some really good cheap ones that will keep you covered in the areas you want but feel sexy.

Good luck with all your dates this weekend.

@Ginmel I do love your approach and wisdom on this thread!

@SBD1 happy this man is working out well for you. I can hear in your posts that your body issues are a big thing, but he seems to like you as you are I think we all have some issues. I work out a lot (probably an unhealthy amount it was my displacement activity in the last awful year of my marriage and the habit has taken hold) so look slim on my OLD pics but I tell you what, they are in for a shock when they see the overhang round my caesarean scars and I am actually scared to death of taking my clothes off in front of someone new.

@eyebrowsofinstagram I also recommend Brene Brown. I am also finding myself ambivalent and OLD - start to like an iron/get disappointed by the ones that don't ask me out (talking about you MrThree) then back off when the others come on too strong (which can be as mild as asking for a coffee haha) but as an exercise this is telling me a lot about myself, just have to keep reminding myself to take a step back and examine my thought processes because they really are mostly faces on the internet or at best casual acquaintances at this stage.

@Feelingfree I'm in a similar boat .. 52, 21 year marriage. Thought I'd find it hard to get even one match but have been inundated on POF (though not flattering myself, a lot of weirdos to sift through and a lot of men I think message everyone new). Nothing on Guardian Soulmates haha.

Off to gym now but will update on iron activity later. Went back on the app in a rage with withholding Mr Three and looking at new options. @Pinkdoor why don't you do it too? It will help you get over your rage at blocking bastard

I'm still crap at this though, so don't take my advice !

@eyebrowsofinstagram I'm wondering if hes a bit nervous too or picking up on your hesitation and that's why hes not leaning in more obviously. My dd's dad didnt kiss me till the 3rd date.

@ginmel so happy to hear you're not leaving the thread!

So update on my date with mr california. Nice guy, well travelled but so many personality points which put it instantly into freind zone territory. I left at 10 and spent the rest of the night trying on my new lingerie and avoiding texting bad 'uns

Yes @supercali77 he definitely picked up on it which is why it all ended so awkwardly.

We had some nice texts later but definitely no mention of trying to meet up again.

I'm not sure what to do (other than the crazy swiping on the other apps) 🙄

I like him enough to see if I can get a kiss or some action out of it. But he's not the one, and I've literally just divorced so not looking for the one yet anyway.

He's a bit younger than me which makes my blushing virgin routine totally wrong- I should be the sex-crazed cougar pursuing him. I am most definitely a sex-crazed cougar inside, but to the outside world seem like a total frigid prude.

Really don't know how to play it now. I don't think he'll ask me out again, I don't know if I should bother still texting to seem nice. Or if I'll kick myself for giving up too soon as I'd really liked him initially?