Dating thread 169: You know that tingly feeling you get when you like someone? That's common sense leaving your body...

[JeSuisPrest]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you. 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread

Thread 169 open for business, roll up, roll up...

Thank you @SBD1 your update has really made me chuckle on a boring Fri Morning! Glad your date went so well - sounds very promising.
My Mr Boat is now on holiday but he messaged yesterday and said he would stay in touch while away so I think that's a good sign. Not expecting much though as he's abroad so WiFi may be sporadic.

@Notcoolmum 100% for him to change his plans, ie drive back from London to Yorkshire even just to share a bed with me and sleep (he will be shattered) means a lot to me

@notmrscookie I think that would probably have come across as catty to be fair. I personally find it funny, I get exactly what you meant

@iamthrough Let me guess, it was the farting hahahaha

notmrs I think your response was fine in reply to his - both quite arch. He obvs has no sense of humour, so no great loss

@notmrscookie Unless you knew this guy really well and were well into sex and smut territory your comment is more than fair. Penis's are their owners problem

Lovemusic - if I guy was telling me about his future plans and they didn't include me I would assume he was clearly telling me that our 'relationship' was a 'just for now thing'.

SBD1 That sounds like a great date!

Went to dancing thing last night. I hated the class - god it was awful - wasn't really dancing but more about 'connection' which meant staring into the eyes of strangers (well strangers to me)and hugging them and copying exactly the moves the teacher did which was meant to build up 'connection'. It was like two hours of being trapped in an inner circle of hell. Loads of people there were really into it, dancing man is really into it, but, sorry, I just don't 'connect' like that.

Dancing man did talk to me a lot though, we all went to pub after and he sat by me and we chatted all evening till I had to go. He asked me my surname so he could look me up on facebook. I offered to give him my number so I could update him on my job interview next week and he said he would like that and took it. BUT - he hasn't texted or facebooked me. I don't have his number so I can't contact him unless he texts me first.
I've never met anyone like him, certainly not a guy, he talks openly and freely about emotions and his personal stuff, he asks me lots about mine - I find him really intriguing. But I can't read him - if it was another guy I, from how he was last night, would have thought he liked me, but with him. I am not sure if he is just like that with everyone.
I like him, I want him to like me, I want to get to know him better. And I definitely want to go to bed with him.

Sigh.

Yeah MrsCookie - I wouldn't have liked to get a text like that - he blocked you because he thinks you are refusing to service his 4am cock. But who the bloody hell would want to do that?!

Mrs Cookie, when I said I wouldn't have liked to get a text like that, I meant I wouldn't have liked to get his text about his hard on. I wasn't referring to the text he got from you.

His text was grim @notmrscookie

Someone telling me they are hard. Totally unrelated to me. But they'd like me to do something about it. No thanks.

@UnimpressorOfCocks It sounds like a 5 rhythms class.....when i first met my DDs dad I went to them (because he did and I was bonkers over him). I spent most of it semi-dancing at the edge of the room praying that noone tried to 'connect' with me.

It was biodanza. I actually go to 5 Rhythms and love it - I think our teacher does 5 rhythms light - its really just free dancing and you don't need to dance with anyone else if you don't want to. But the biodanza was just terrible - I spent the whole time cringing. Each to their own, but I really couldn't see how anyone could feel they were forging a connection in such an artificial and contrived environment. I told Dancing Man it hadn't been for me. maybe that put him off. Maybe he thinks I am unable of 'connecting'.

Actually SuperCali77, I see you carried on going to 5R to get your man. Och, maybe I should suck it up to try to get Dancing Man too. I just don't think can bear it though! It was awful! I know people who have joined Jehovah's witnesses to get the person they want. I am not sure I could do that level of chasing. But then they have partners and I don't.....hmmm.

@UnimpressorOfCocks Argh I found 5 rhythms hellish but yes each to their own. Never heard of biodanza. It's only been a day right since you gave him your number?

@UnimpressorOfCocks I did yes - not for ages, I did eventually bail on the old 5R. He didn't seem to mind, but we'd gone beyond dancing by then ;)

Hi, I've been lurking for a while.

My background- 18 months ago H gave me the old 'love you but I'm not in love you you script' after 18 years of marriage and completely blindsided me I thought we were ok, I thought we would grow old together.
He then strang me along for months, moved out just over a year ago, temporary he said as wanted us still to be together but needed time he said to find his happiness which actually meant start seeing a colleague from work which he continued to lie about even after he decided he wasn't coming back.

Anyway all his circus has taken up 18 months of my life.

I now hate him, struggle knowing he is with the OW who I probably hate more than him.

I'm having counselling, I've adjusted to being on my own in a lot of ways, have taken the DC away on my own this year and another trip just booked with them and family.

I have an active life, good friends, good job etc but am missing male company and would like to dip my toe into dating. I think I'm ready, close friends tell me I should.

But I'm Absolutely petrified, I'm heading for 50 was with H for over 20 years.

What do I need to know? Do I need to pay for Match? Is Bumble better as I have to message first? What on earth do you say when you start messaging someone you've only seen in a photo!

Your experience and help would be appreciated, didn't expect to be doing this at my age!

Thanks

5 rhythms is like sherbet dib dabs compared to the crack cocaine of biodanza! I keep having PTSD flashbacks of being forced to 'smile lovingly' at a total stranger whilst holding both their hands, gazing into their eyes and 'gently' spinning around and around.

Dancing Man has texted. Not sure about his text. Hmmm.

Viva Vegas - I haven't done OLD yet, so no advice, but just wanted to say I am later 40's too and back on the dating game after almost two decade of marriage - so in a very similar place to you! You are not the only one!

vivavegas that song is going to be in my head all day! There is loads of advice on these threads and I so wish that I had read it before I started OLD - so you’re ahead of the game already in my opinion 😊. My advice - pay nothing, expect to have your eyes opened, and follow the rules. Especially that it should be fun.

@UnimpressorOfCocks The things we'll endure for a bit of 'how's your father'. What's his text say?

@VivaVegas I like bumble and I pay for it - that way I can see who's already right-swiped on me, and then i kinda match with them when i have time to chat/send a message. It works loads better than endless swiping....you can also prioritise. Mainly I do a really short cheeky thing referencing their bio. If they don't have one I might comment on a photo. Something low pressure. No longer than a line.

VivaVegas - Go for it. I hate to sound pessimistic but life is short. I'm 50 next year and wondering when my parts will start to be unimpressed

Try the sites out, people tend to have profiles across all the sites. Most are free, However Match is useless unless you pay. The swipe sites (Bumble, Tinder) are tedious and designed to make us addicted to them with their drip feed of profiles. They don't really allow us to search. PlentyOfFish is ok - it's free, you can search, you can communicate for free, but there are PlentyOfProfiles ('cos it's free) and it's a vast ocean that can lose you within it.

Take chances to date offline too. Online allows a little too much fantasy and wishful thinking to prevail and people can be hooked on the abundance of choice.

The rules here I agree with, and they will help you, except the prize one. I think it's poorly expressed. I prefer to see it as 'look for someone that treats you well and who you treat well, instinctively, consistently'.

Hope that helps

SuperCali well, he said it was nice to see me, though shame biodanza wasn't mine thing. Then he said, maybe I could go back to it after I 'graduated' from 5 rhythms and finally accepted and conceded it was all about connection after all - grinning face. I guess it is meant to be cheeky and jokey. I have issues about being patronised and my views being dismissed so maybe I am not reading it in the spirit intended for this reason. Hmmm. Anyway I texted back a light hearted text back and also said in in that I do think 5R is about connection and maybe I should buy him that drink I owe him to explain.

No reply from him.

I agree with @HairyArsedMan reference the "You are the prize rule" - it's a bit princessy imo. Perhaps something like "Know your worth"?

Sounds much better @JeSuisPrest

Welcome @viva