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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Dating thread 169: You know that tingly feeling you get when you like someone? That's common sense leaving your body...

999 replies

JeSuisPrest · 05/09/2019 14:19

  1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
  2. Develop a thick skin.
  3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
  4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
  5. Trust your gut instinct.
  6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
  7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
  8. If it's not fun, stop.
  9. Loo update is mandatory.
10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you. 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread

Thread 169 open for business, roll up, roll up...

OP posts:
MoreNiceCereal · 12/09/2019 17:50

I ended it with my ex earlier this year, and although many would say I'm moving too fast, I fell out of love with him years ago. It really depends on the person, not necessarily the timeframe.

Pinkdoor · 12/09/2019 18:12

@putastrawunderbaby this sounds like blocking cunt! He says he was widowed around then too! What's his name? Or initial? Also seemed lovely, also good sense of humour

putastrawunderbaby · 12/09/2019 18:20

@candysroom Flowers yes, I'm not sure if I want to be Ms Right Now - I'd rather be Ms Right

@Pinkdoor initials are MH. I haven't read your post so I'll scroll back, but I hear your frustration. I left OLD because of the ridiculous/rude/vicious behaviour of some men but the lure to swipe was strong.... I'm disappointed in myself not gonna lie

HairyArsedMan · 12/09/2019 18:30

@Eesha The back online thing on Bumble is something from the app itself I think. When it has been minimised and then restarted after a while it sparks up the message 'back online' as it updates your location. If you were on match queue view that seems to appear very close to your little stack of likes. Maybe it's that ?

@KhaleesiTargaryen thank you - and well done on getting the fireman out of your head and having more (good, I hope) options now.

CassettesAreCool · 12/09/2019 18:43

putastraw everyone is different, it’s worth meeting up if nothing else. My DB was widowed in the July, by the December he was in a full-blown relationship that seems to be a good one. Personally I found the speedpainful and disrespectful of my DSIL, but that is bye the bye.

SBD1 · 12/09/2019 19:13

He kissed me on arrival

Get in

Pinkdoor · 12/09/2019 21:43

How do you all cope with the seemingly relentless messaging required to actually get a date? I only have a few evenings a week when I'm at home alone with peace and quiet, and I'm sick of spending time on my phone (she says, posting on Mumsnet!).

supercali77 · 12/09/2019 22:23

I cant speak for anyone else but I tried the old 'I dont like tons of text chat so when are you free?' On someone and we booked a date and then he got 'ill' so the experiment went awry. It was a sample of 1. So who knows....but to me it seems like people wanna text first.....maybe it would work if you said 'skip texting. A call'. That at least stops the whole endless chit chat and you can get an idea of the person??

kerkyra · 12/09/2019 22:34

pinkdoor I give them three days to ask and if there a hint of a meet then I move on. I mean, three days is long enough of loads of messages going back and forth for them to know of they like you enough to meet?
I should be saying this in past tense though as I'm not actively looking at the mo. I've discovered I'm emotionally unavailable after reading Mr unavailable though so trying to work out why I always cock things up with my last few irons and get scared.
But saying that,I will probably go back on pof in a month and hope to meet someone amazing who is patient with my trust issues and who adores me and I can have a normal relationship. None of this weird shit where men vanish then come back two weeks later ( yes,you Mr blue eyes and Mr mk!? ) I've ignored.my boundaries are great since this thread

WhatWhyWhen · 12/09/2019 22:35

I’m bored. My irons are dull. MrRugby I think I may cull. He seems to talk about his ex a lot and I’ve supported but I’ve said one thing about mine. And it was ignored... can’t do the one way thing and he’s never free so 🤷🏻‍♀️

MrEP doesn’t really text which is fine and relaxing, but again can’t see him for weeks. I’ll keep talking every now and then and review when back as he is stacked with work. But again, bored.

MrConfusing nee headfuck and I however have texted all day every day until about 2am for 3 days straight. Never dull, often flirty, brilliant generally, just like it was. Only we aren’t together and I am certainly not asking if he wants to give this another try and I’m sure as shit he’s too stubborn/is just killing time so...

I
Will
Not
Bumble

Need to focus on work for the month at least and not seek distraction.

amillionwishes · 12/09/2019 22:45

@Pinkdoor I say quite early on I'm not looking for a penpal. Give them the benefit for another week and if they're still swerving my asks of a meet or not reciprocating then I cut them off. Need to be brutal x

onlymebutdifferent · 12/09/2019 23:29

Oh my goodness just spoken to Mr Travels on the phone for nearly an hour. Even his voice is making me swoon. God knows what I'll be like Saturday morning for our breakfast date! He's sent me more pictures too good god he is quite possibly the most beautiful thing I've ever laid eyes on and we're talking cillian Murphy beautiful. Be still my beating heart!!

WhatWhyWhen · 12/09/2019 23:41

Aw onlyme you deserve that enjoy!!

TooOldForThis67 · 12/09/2019 23:41

MrGardener is on his way round now!! The guy who blocked me on the last day of my hols. Will tell more in the morning. Please pray for me, lol.

onlymebutdifferent · 12/09/2019 23:48

Good luck @TooOldForThis67 😁

KeepCalmCarryOhFuckIt · 13/09/2019 06:01

Good luck onlyme my pulse quickened at the mere mention of cillian murphy and you definitely deserve it.
Date day today, let's see if this one blocks me too 😂 cynical, me?!

BatshitCrazyWoman · 13/09/2019 06:51

putastraw that seems really quick to me. It is difficult dating a widower (because Mr BC was still in love with his wife when she died - 2 years ago - so there wasn't any sort of relationship breakdown). But the only person who knows if it's too soon is him.

Ginmel · 13/09/2019 07:00

Love the finding a great guy after moving on from a twat stories. Early days I know but still..

SBD1 · 13/09/2019 07:35

Okay so date night update, I posted last night in excitement that he kissed me upon arrival. Apparently Mumsnet was the place to go whilst he went to the loo.

So....date was set for 6, he was late ( as traffic) and I sat in my car outside the pub. I’m very grateful for that 20 minutes because DAMN I had gas and I literally spent the entire time farting. I kid you not. I sat there thinking fuck I have to get this out of me before I spend the next 5 hours with him. Windows open, AC on, perfume at the ready. Im not even joking.

He turned up, of course I swooned, went to the bar ordered drinks and then he surprised me with a hello kiss which I wasn’t expecting after Sunday’s conversation about him being unsure about if he wanted to pursue a relationship. In fact I was really flustered so I literally bounced off his face. (I use literally, literally way to much)

Then we drank and we chatted and it was nice although I still get a bit nervous even 4 weeks later.

Went to Fleabag screening and we spent the entire time cuddled and holding hands and my head was on his shoulder and he kept giving me little kisses.

And then we walked to get some dinner and he was tactile in public which I have to get used to. Then it was home time so we went back to our cars (which were next to each other) and let’s just say when I got home I was definitely missing all my lipstick and half of my foundation and my neck was a little red on one side.

On Sunday when he had asked me what I wanted, I said “I quite like you”

Last nights, me cactus laughed into my ear and said “I quite like you”. I replied, took you 4 days to decide huh and he laughed and said sorry and then I got back to snogging his face off.

Talked about how we weren’t going to see each other for ten days because we are busy so he’s arranged to drive back from London Saturday night instead of Sunday so that he can stay over here. Then I’ll only have a week to miss him and I can see him during the day on the 22nd September.

Lovemusic33 · 13/09/2019 07:46

I went out with Mr Skinny again last night, went for a nice meal then back to his for sex. I’m getting mixed messages from him, he keeps mentioning future life plans which don’t involve being in a relationship (moving further away, looking for a different job etc..), I kind of feel like he just wants something to do and some company whilst he decides what to do with his life after divorce. I’m probably over thinking or maybe I’m not? We are meant to be in a relationship, he seems to want to hold my hand all the time, kisses me in public, always asks when he can see me next, seems really keen but his plans don’t seem to include anyone else but him. I know it’s early days and I have lots of dreams and plans for the future but I don’t really discus them with him as they are just dreams.

kerkyra · 13/09/2019 08:02

Great update SPD1, sounds like it's going well.
love could it be that he is getting mixed messages too and sort of testing you,wondering what your reaction is going to be when he mentions future solo stuff?

I would be asking where he sees himself in a year.
Does he ever come over your way,as you mentioned it was quite a drive to his. Hopefully he is making the same amount of effort you are.
Hope shit had a good eve with Mr B and things are getting back to normal

Notcoolmum · 13/09/2019 08:02

How long have you been seeing him @Lovemusic33 do you see yourselves as bf/gf. Is that case I would have to ask where I fitted in with those plans. If not I would probably ask where he saw you two going. Do you want a LTR with him?

Hope everyone who went enjoyed Fleabag. I thought it was bloody excellent. PWB is so talented. I'm glad I was with a friend and not a date. HAd a great night.

I watched the TV series with Mr S and broke NC with him when I booked tickets. So I'm pleased I didn't sit obsessing about being with him and just had a great night out with a friend.

Pleased that Mr Cactus is making time to see you at the weekend @SBD1 I think that says a lot more than any public snogging.

Ginmel · 13/09/2019 08:42

@Lovemusic33 I've never been sure that you really like mr skinny. Maybe because you seem to have mostly talked about his feelings of you and not the other way around? Sorry if I have misjudged.

CassettesAreCool · 13/09/2019 08:54

putastraw my DB wasn’t in love with my DSIL when she died, so I would agree that the state of the relationship at the end has a bearing on how quickly someone is ready to move on. You’ll only know by finding out!

notmrscookie · 13/09/2019 08:59

Oh dear not the best week on the dating side...I had an iron almost over texting.The minute I woke up he texted me and then during the day and at night.. He messaged me to say he had a hard on at 4.30am with a comment that it happens every day and he hopes I can deal with it one morning ( wink wink ) .. I replied for some stupid reason . I can see why your ex might of been fed up and now he has blocked me.. I can sort of understand it but now I am worried I have really upset him .... We were talking about meeting up but never mind..

I might just give up ..
Hope every one else has had more success...

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