Dating thread 169: You know that tingly feeling you get when you like someone? That's common sense leaving your body...

[JeSuisPrest]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you. 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future

Link to Info on Dating Websites & Apps www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3514717-List-of-Dating-Site-Info-Dating-Thread

Thread 169 open for business, roll up, roll up...

Love this update @Marlboroandmalbec34 really giving me hope there.

I've been off the apps awhile now and I love my own company. To the point where I think I will struggle to be in a full relationship again. But I really miss the want, the excitement of someone wanting me. The last time I was on the apps I just hated it, as I couldn't be dealing with the awful chit chat. I was going to try again tonight but I'm wondering if it's a good idea. Because I don't even know what I want anymore.

@lifegoes personally I wouldn't join any dating site (of any form) if I didn't know what I want. That I have a clear idea has made the experience relatively easy.

Guess another analogy is if you were in a forest and looking for an animal but you didn't know what kind of animal you could be looking for a long time. You'd see many animals but not know if it was right. However if you knew the exact type of bird you were looking for, now it sounded, how big it was, what colour etc, then you'd have a much easier time.

Ha. Analogy overload

Ha love that @Ginmel I think the problem is. Nobody on the apps just seems to fit what I'm looking for. As in how I like men to be etc. I get down the more I look on them so I came off.

I thought a FB would be good, but he turned out to be a massive headfuck. And tbh a FWB would suit me, but on mutual terms. This one felt like it was all on his terms and I had to wait for him.

So now I'm feeling a bit lost.

That is a fantastic update @Marlboroandmalbec34. I’m glad you’re enjoying the sunshine.

I’m very glad to be amusing both @Ginmel and @JeSuisPrest. It definitely true that the issue is not a lack of ginger. 😂 MrSG (Slightly Ginger to everyone who didn’t get the joke) is being totally lovely and seems almost delighted by the mishap. He’s a keeper.

I think you made the right call with MrSmart @Ginmel.

Remember to stick to those boundaries tonight @WhatWhyWhen.

@Lovemusic33 Have you got any idea what the kind of progress you’d like might look like?

@shitwithsugaron It’s not only a night course - the time at which something I’d taught makes no difference (I used to teach PT students in the evening on a really good university course). It’s really great that you’re doing it. I think your chat with MrB should be really useful. It’s great that his DC is on the mend.

I hope everything is ok with your DC @Sunshineandflipflops.

So there's your answer @lifegoes. They weren't right for you. I know it's hard not to get down about it but I tell myself the more I reject the closer I'll get to finding the right person. Now I don't mean rejecting people for the sake of it but then more I learn about what I'm looking for, the closer I will get to it

And yeah I've had tonight so apologies for the optimism!

Thanks @WooMaWang

@JeSuisPrest's joke was very well timed

I need the optimism right now @Ginmel so keep firing it my way.

Have some gin @lifegoes it helps

Thanks everyone, the DC is ok. Just an emotional time with some stuff they are going through. Luckily, me and the ex are on good enough terms that we can talk about it and support DC and each other a bit.

Mr Ad is ringing me after his AA meeting as he has been worried about me today but I'm ok...although I won't turn down a chance to hear his lovely accent over the phone 😊

Got a very nice message back from Mr Smart. I wish I had a crystal ball to know if/when we will meet again and when! I know if its meant to be and all that...

eesha I’m not a man but I’d be happy to have a look at your profile if you think that might help. I’ve always thought you sound kind and gentle so they should be falling at your feet!

Ginmel he does sound lovely, I hope the process begins and things maybe work out.

Sunshine MrAd sounds solid so far, sorry to hear about DC

Woo thank you. Back at hotel now and been good(ish) talked about a lot of things which was nice. But we’re going to the same very exotic place abroad next week for nearly 2 weeks and it’s going to be a trial by fire!

Bugger it I’m Tindering here. Sod the judgement. Do you all put a really clear “FWB•” or have that convo when you match?

@CassettesAreCool thank you! Profile just sent over. Yes, I don't think being nice gets me anywhere, just worn down by my ex

Ahhhh wasn't going to message Mr Tall but had to send him the poem Reason, Season or Lifetime. I think that's the bit of closure I needed ie I was in his life for a reason and now am not needed and it's made me feel better somehow!

Anyway his number is now deleted from everywhere but not blocked - just can't do it but will I'm sure.

@WhatWhyWhen when I had my FWB we didn't really advertise it on profiles just spoke about what we wanted and had an upfront discussion on first 'date'

OMG @WhatWhyWhen let me know how you get on! I have to behave like a nun at home due to teenage DD and fear of being judged but am in the big city for work overnight at least monthly and have often wondered about that . especially as my nightly flirty conversations with Mr Three are still not translating into a date

@Ginmel you're very right about knowing what you want... suggests I should stop dating for some time, actually. I feel like I'm only just starting to grieve some days, and like dh has been gone a decade on others.

Mr Guitar was very sweet in himself but definitely not for me. Though moment of, erm, nostalgia when he referred to someone being a 'raving woofter'. Dont think I've heard that since the 80s.

@ndotto watch out. There's lots of men (and al probably women too) who have no intention of dating and just find people online to get their kicks with. Many of us have fallen for this trap!

Catching up ... congratulations to @woomawang and MrSG on the nice new house. I’m sure it’ll be big enough to accommodate the twins

Waves to @Eesha - I remember taking a look at your profile and you seemed lovely. If you want to have the Bumble one looked at I don’t mind helping. I think there was another poster too who was looking for help ?

@JeSuisPrest the apps have completely failed to offer any distraction to me. I’m not there yet as my brain is still hooked on MsM&M. Which is a no good state of bloody limbo to be in, but 🤷‍♂️ what can you do ? The apps are not for me right now and I’ll steer clear of all that. I have work to do, literally and metaphorically. I feel a burst of training like a maniac coming on. Always seems to work in getting me out of a hole.

Well done @onlymebutdifferent on taking steps that work for you. I couldn’t delete messages from or block/delete MsM&M. I still feel a lot for her and couldn’t do anything remotely construed as punitive. No anger there for me at all, just a horrific sense of regret.

@shitwithsugaron Hope those nerves on both MrB and first day evaporate. You know it did strike me that he could have been letting off steam to you about his ex- as spending time with someone you had a difficult relationship with is wearing. Had to discuss some DS financial issues with mine and it turned into a 2 hour boundary trashing post mortem on our relationship, 3 years after the last one of those. I could have done with a shoulder after that. But yeah, he could’ve done better on breaking your arrangements. Fingers crossed it works out.

@UnimpressorOfCocks Oh my word! Your thread ! Glad you could laugh about it and fashion a great username out of it (but don’t use that same handle on POF )

Well my phone call with MrAd turned out to be 10 minutes shy of 3 hours long 😱

He's had a really tough past but has been nothing but honest and lovely. Nine days until I can see him again ☹️

I'm so sorry pleased for you @Sunshineandflipflops People with addictions can be very persuasive. Please continue to stay alert. Wishing you all the best still.

BTW I know the 12 step program is about taking responsibility but I just wanted to say I hope he is so he's not blaming the past for his actions but also looking at what he did wrong

Sunshine hope your DC is doing ok and glad MrAd is there to support you, 9 days is a long time to wait!
My son had his 1st counselling session for behaviour related issues last night which partly stem from our seperation, been a stressful few days. Amusingly it also meant my ex and I spending 30-40 awkward minutes in another room together. Once we'd spent 10-15 mins talking about him, we then ran out of conversation because neither of us wants to talk about the others personal life, that way arguments lie!
Anyway, MussTiny has been very helpful and knowledgeable with 2 grown up kids who've had counselling and dealt with a lot over the last 2 years.
She's also distracted me by telling me I'm going to be getting very little sleep on Thurs night 😂 I've got a 5am start on Thurs I really hope I don't fall asleep on her!

Unimpressor such a funny thread - I wonder how many women have had the dubious pleasure of his glorious cock lol

shit I'm so pleased Mr B's DC is on the mend. And I hope you manage to have a proper discussion with him at some point.

Sunshine I hope your DC is okay. I have the same misgivings as Ginmel about a relationship with someone in recovery but hope it works out okay for you.

Who I have had FWBs - found them on the Fab website, so quite easy to say exactly what I wanted. That said, the last time I was on there I met Mr BC and we've been in a relationship pretty much ever since!

only I hope you're okay And flowers too for Hairy

I'm still in bloody bed not well 😞 hopefully will manage to eat something today!

And although everybody will let out exasperated sighs at the mention of MissH's name, she got in touch yesterday as she'd heard on the grapevine my son had been suspended. We had a nice chat just as friends, which was very thoughtful of her. I think in time we will be able to stay friends as we did get on well, just need the thoughts of anything further to completely dissipate for both of us before actually seeing each other again.
Did make me realise I've missed her, which may have been her intention, but my resolve has been tested and is still solid.