BF secret vasectomy

[Belles22]

my self and my boyfriend have been together for a year he has kids from a previous relationship and I have one. we have discussed having one more between us in the future but not anytime soon. Anyway I just found out he went behind my back and got a vasectomy. I feel like my world has crashed down around me and am completely torn as to what to do it how to react. I obviously love him and want to be with him but I don't know if I could be with someone that deceived me about something so important. would love some advice I'm so conflicted. thank you

Don't worry @Belles22 ignore the person point scoring. You need to focus on what's actually happening.

And it's probably mostly pro choice posters that are calling her BF out on this.

It's not his choice anyone is debating. An analogy would be a woman having abortions and lying to her partner saying they trying for a baby. Which I would support only in the case of a coercive or abusive relationship.

It's not the vasectomy or the abortion, it's the removal of the partner's choices based on all the facts. And it's actually worse for a woman, because her fertility drops off a cliff while he's lying.

The main issue is his deception...not the vasectomy.

If he had promised they would emigrate to Australia, but in reality had no intention of doing so and she found out he'd told friend X, he was never going, it would be pretty much the same.

It's the stringing along and future faking.

OP... you made the right decision.

Wow, not surprised you feel duped. He sold himself as a man open to more family, and then he snook off and had a vasectomy. That is not right. He wants a younger woman and you are a decade younger than he is. This is relevant information for you! He wants it both ways. A younger woman but to (secretly) not be fertile himself. That is a deception.

UPDATE:
So for anyone who still may be interested. He is now back with his ex wife and kids. What a waste of a year I feel like such a fool🙈

Belles22 how truly awful all round.....

I'm so sorry Belle😣
but at least you got rid of the fucker😊

Don’t see it as wasting a year with him, see this as having dodged a bullet!

He probably was seeing her behind your back in order to suddenly get back together with her.

Wow, what an utter bastard. Either you dumped him and he fled back to her or he has always had the 2 of you overlapping.

What is wrong with people (men in this case) who can't be single for a nanosecond.

How did you find out? Please trust that you are well out of this. Be glad it was just a year and your instincts worked for you. You are young and lots of time to meet a decent man. You did nothing wrong.

I agree it does sound like he had her on some kind of a retainer, was maintaining ties with her, just in case things didn't work out with you you he had a backup plan.
She might think she's got the prize but it's a booby prize 😅

OMG Belle, that is shocking. Hope you're ok.

You must feel so shocked. I know I found out something quite shocking about a boyfriend after we had split up and it was still so discombobulating. For weeks I dwelled on it all. But luckily when I look back on it now it is the lesson I needed to learn. It was all of the lessons I needed to learn.

One of the posters up thread said that he just framed the situation as acceptable and expected you to accept that narrative. That is a good way of putting it. In the past I had accepted other people's agendas. When you finally get that it's not only acceptable to have your own agenda going in to a relationship but ESSENTIAL then you are on a good footing for future relationships.

Good luck!

Oh my...what a twat! Don't think of it as having wasted a year...but having saved yourself from further years with the twat.