Are affairs more commonplace than thought?

[itsstrangebutitstrue]

DH and I got married when we were 20. We're 22 now. The more I hear/see it/about it, the more I think it'll be inevitable for DH to have an affair. We've only ever 'been' with each-other. What are the odds we'll be together until one of us dies faithfully? I feel so down right now after hearing a few stories and need a reality check. Tia.

Affairs might be more comment than we realise but there are genuine people out there who just couldn't do it.If you know people like this your lucky

I'd say it's definitely more common than people realise. I'm quite a good, non judgemental listener, and this is probably why alot of people confide in me. Over the last few years, 5 different friends (4 female 1 male) have told me they were having affairs, and 2 female friends have told me they'd found out their partners were having affairs. I've been sworn to secrecy everytime, and as far as I'm aware, apart from the affair partners, no one else has the slightest clue. "Fake"book would make you think they're all #living their best life, so from an outsider, everything looks good. They're all choosing to try and make it work, at least 2 of the affairs are still ongoing, and out of the women who've cheated, only one has told her husband. It's a shitstorm. I have another group of friends who I'm not as close to, so have no idea of there's any infidelity going on, but I would put money on it in a few cases. It's sad really, I guess it becomes the norm. One of the women who had an affair last year is pretty much starting up another, so I'm guessing the thrill of it all the first time has made her want to do it again. I would feel bad for her husband but I'm pretty sure he's at it too 🤦🏻‍♀️

@mech10 how would you feel if your daughter found out she was being cheated on and it destroyed her ?

No, people who cheat are not necessarily narcissists (as in the disorder), evil, special or different in any way that makes them a completely different thing to your own partner. Their partners are not necessarily frigid, nasty or doing something else that makes them a totally different thing to you.

My exh acted like a total shit, but his behaviour had its own internal logic - he had his own private explanation for why it was reasonable for him to cheat in that particular situation, in line with standard human psychology. Our brains can lead us to do all sorts of things; compared with some of the crap "normal" people get up to, cheating is really not on the "weird" spectrum.

OP, you're younger than my daughter and tbh I hope she doesn't stay with her first bf, lovely as he is! That's what I did, and I later wished I'd been a bit more adventurous. But even if things don't work out as you hoped after 5, 10, 50 years, that won't be the end of the world. If you work on being strong, independent and happy with yourself with or without a partner, that will make your life better in many ways, whether you stay together or not.

Hard to say, but I've been hit on enough times by married men to believe it's not uncommon for people to cheat, compartmentalise it and move on.

It obviously depends on the person.